Matthew 16:21-23 Peter is the symbol of faith within the unhealed mind, and so Peter is also the symbol of the unhealed mind that has faith. In Peter you see great faith! And in Peter, you will see doubt, fear and confusion.
This is very meaningful to me because I relate to Peter so completely. As the next line says, I am Peter. I have great faith, and sometimes even amaze myself with my faith. And yet, I am often doubtful, fearful and confused. I have been confounded by this behavior, not understanding why I seem to rise to such heights only to fail miserably in the next moment. Then I read this passage from Matthew and I feel like laughing. Of course I will sometimes feel confused; I am an unhealed mind. Whew!
Another thing that makes me laugh is that I feel such relief when I finally understand what needs to be done in a situation, and it is always the same solution. As it says in Matthew, “It is doubt, fear and confusion you must let go of….” It always goes back to noticing my thoughts, looking at them with the Holy Spirit, and allowing my mind to be healed. Letting go of a thought is not hard; I just decide for it and it is done. It is getting to the point that I want to let it go that feels very hard sometimes.
There is a person in my life that I don’t like. This has been making me crazy because I can’t seem to release this grievance. I cannot even figure out why I have a grievance. It came to me yesterday to share this problem with a friend of mine and to ask if she had any thoughts on it. I thought this was my idea, my choice as to who I would speak to, and done for my own reasons. (Ha ha ha. I am so funny.) After we emailed each other a few times I realized that asking this particular person was a divinely inspired decision. As we communicated, I found out that she had nearly the same problem as I did, and in helping me she was helping herself. That Holy Spirit. 🙂
As I wrote to my friend I realized that I felt very guilty for not forgiving this person, and I also felt shamed that I was unable to release the grievance. She helped me to see this, and to realize that my only job is to forgive myself. She pointed out for me that I was thinking my failure to accept a solution to this problem proved that I was not good enough and that something was wrong with me. She was so right! I felt the truth of that in my gut when I read the words.
When I wrote the email that confessed to this “sin” of maybe feeling like a failure the unexpected emotion that came up was very strong and I began to cry. Still, I hid from myself the truth and couldn’t see why I felt that way. Then when I read her words it was so obvious. In trying to like this person I was saying there is something wrong with her and that is why I have to “try” to like her.
In feeling bad because I couldn’t seem to like her I was saying there was something wrong with me. I also felt intense resentment of her because I have projected all of this onto her. This tells me I believe I wouldn’t have this problem if she had not shown up. Typically, the ego is projecting my stuff onto the world and I am feeling like a victim. I thanked her for nudging me to this. I was tired of sitting in this self condemnation.
She also helped me to see that I was looking in a mirror and saying to myself, “I do not like what I see. I had that thought at one time, but I allowed my mind to veer off into the “why” of it and I got distracted from what matters. I forgive myself for all of that. I gladly and without reservation forgive myself. I do it for Myron and, in extension, for the Sonship. Now my tears are tears of gratitude. And if I experience dislike for that woman again, I will forgive myself again, and be grateful for for the opportunity.
This experience was a really good illustration for me of this passage in Matthew. I could see myself as Peter with all the doubt, fear and confusion around this situation. And yet, even though this has been an ongoing problem for some time now I stuck with it, determined to find the solution and return my mind to peace. That takes great faith. I also saw myself following guidance and listening with my heart when Holy Spirit spoke to me through my friend. That took great faith, too.