….when you look upon another person or another situation or another thing and realize that nothing in this world has the power to hurt you and nothing in the world has the power to take anything from you, you are free.
What I learned
Relationships can feel like imprisonment. When I divorced my last husband I felt like I had served my time and was finally released. And yet, as Jeshua says: “Accept the truth, that what you desire above all things is the living experience of love.” I was married three times and each time I escaped from the prison of that relationship. What happened to the love I was seeking when I married these men? What happened to make me flee from these marriages and seek freedom outside the relationship?
What I can see now is that I began each relationship by looking to the other person for love; the love that I felt was missing in myself. I was not in the relationship to give love or even to share love, but to get love. I felt unloved and unlovable, but was going on the idea that if I could find someone who loved me enough I could use their love to become loveable.
I am reminded of this passage from chapter 6 in the Way of the Heart.
“In truth, you are like the one who has been given a perfect treasure, a priceless jewel. You have placed it into your pocket and forgotten you possess it. So you run around trying to look into everybody else’s pocket.”
I cannot find the love I am in someone else. There is only one place to look and that is within. If I don’t see it then I need to remove the blocks to its presence.
I remember toward the end of my marriage thinking how miserable I was. I felt trapped in a relationship that was never going to work and that caused me only misery. When the relationship was new it seemed like the answer to my prayers. He seemed like the answer to my prayers. Eventually it seemed he quit answering my prayers and then I was not so happy. I tried to change his behavior; I tried to change my behavior; I tried to change the relationship. Nothing worked for me and that is when I began to feel trapped and wanted out. I was not trapped by my husband or the relationship. I was trapped by my decision to look outside myself for the answer. I couldn’t find the answer there and didn’t know what to do or even what was wrong. I wasn’t really trying to escape from him; I was trying to escape from myself.
Jeshua says that I cannot possess love until I set it free. I have tried to make love into something small, something I can control and direct. I want to find it in some special person, and take it as mine. I want love to look a certain way and when it fails to look that way I feel cheated. I also feel afraid because it seems so easy to lose love. After all, if I can control love and direct it, I can also lose control and it can be taken from me.
Can I free love to simply be itself? Can I get out of the way and let love live me rather than me trying to control love? God is Love and I am created Love. If I will let go of my grip on an idea of what love is and what it looks like, Love will simply flow through me. Then I will not feel the need to get love from someone else because I will be love. I won’t be afraid of losing love when someone leaves my life because they will not take love with them. How could they? I am love. They are love. Love simply is and it cannot be lost.
All quotes are used by kind permission of the Shanti Christo Foundation. To buy a copy of this profound book visit their website at www.shantichristo.com. I invite your thoughts and comments.