I am not the victim of the world I see.
Today’s idea is the introduction to your declaration of release. Again, the idea should be applied to both the world you see without and the world you see within. In applying the idea, we will use a form of practice which will be used more and more, with changes as indicated. Generally speaking, the form includes two aspects, one in which you apply the idea on a more sustained basis, and the other consisting of frequent applications of the idea throughout the day.
Two longer periods of practice with the idea for today are needed, one in the morning and one at night. Three to five minutes for each of these are recommended. During that time, look about you slowly while repeating the idea two or three times. Then close your eyes, and apply the same idea to your inner world. You will escape from both together, for the inner is the cause of the outer.
As you survey your inner world, merely let whatever thoughts cross your mind come into your awareness, each to be considered for a moment, and then replaced by the next. Try not to establish any kind of hierarchy among them. Watch them come and go as dispassionately as possible. Do not dwell on any one in particular, but try to let the stream move on evenly and calmly, without any special investment on your part. As you sit and quietly watch your thoughts, repeat today’s idea to yourself as often as you care to, but with no sense of hurry.
“Remind yourself that you are making a declaration of independence in the name of your own freedom. And in your freedom lies the freedom of the world.”
Thinking of myself as a victim is maybe the only thing in the Course that I have completely released. Yes, the thoughts of victimhood show up at times, but there is no moment in which I believe it. The first time I read this lesson, I recognized it as the lesson I could not afford to overlook. I recognized that it was the lesson that I came here to learn. There would be others, of course, but I knew this one was for me, was a great part of my purpose in this incarnation.
I began the process of letting it go right away. It took years of vigilance before it was thoroughly accepted. Now, the very idea that I could be a victim feels absurd to me. I am the creator of my little personal story here. If something is in it, or someone is in it, I am responsible for that appearance. How could I also be a victim to it? See Lesson 152: The power of decision is my own.
“No one can suffer loss unless it be his own decision. No one suffers pain except his choice elects this state for him. No one can grieve nor fear nor think him sick unless these are the outcomes that he wants. And no one dies without his own consent. Nothing occurs but represents your wish, and nothing is omitted that you choose. Here is your world, complete in all details. Here is its whole reality for you. And it is only here salvation is.”
Where is the victimhood in that? When something occurs that doesn’t add to my joy and my peace, I don’t look for who is guilty. I just look at my reaction to it and look for the root cause of that reaction. Then, I let that belief go. It is sometimes almost instantaneous, this healing. Sometimes it takes a little while, but mostly the belief that someone is guilty slides right on through my mind like it was coated with Teflon. That is the way it is when you give up a belief.
Victim? I don’t see no stinkin’ victim. ~smile~
This is a lesson that I completely accept and live. I am not the victim of the world I see no matter how much the ego mind wants that to be true. Sure, I have thoughts in my mind of being a victim, but I quickly and easily dismiss them because I don’t believe it. When I get caught in an ego storm of anger or disappointment, fear or guilt, this is the lesson I return to. How could I possibly be a victim? The world and everything I believe about the world comes from my mind.
The world is an image that I have made. It comes from my thoughts and desires, not just sometimes, but always. This story of Myron is my story, so how could it be that I am a victim of it? And, the story is just a story, an illusion. Nothing here is real. There is nothing to be a victim of. When I have the feeling of being a victim, I do two things. I remind myself of how impossible this is, and I ask the Holy Spirit to help me know that this is an illusion. I used to say that I needed help understanding this is an illusion and understanding came, but understanding is not enough. I want to know it is an illusion.
From Enemy to Friend
I used to work with someone who seemed to attack me. For a while, I believed that this man and his attitude toward me was my problem, and so the solution was to change him, to gain his friendship or to hope he moved on, or to quit my job. The problem with that interpretation is that this is my story. He cannot influence it. He, as I see and experience him, is a projection from my mind. If I don’t like this projection that I made, I can release it to the Holy Spirit and allow Him to reinterpret for me. So on two levels, the level on which I made the projected image of this man, and the level on which I decide how I want to see him, I am not a victim.
This is truly my declaration of freedom! While I might still feel like a victim, I never think that this is what I want to feel. I used to. It used to be hard to give up that stance. It felt like my defense, what kept me safe. Now that seems absurd. Now the feeling of victimhood feels constrictive and I want free as quickly as possible. For this lesson to free me, I must accept that it is true in every case. I cannot hold even one person or one circumstance as guilty and the cause of my upset. To do so would be to declare that I am not free. I gladly accept that condition even when my ego mind struggles against it. This co-worker and I are now friends and I feel only love for him.
It’s My Story to Believe or to Forgive
No matter how badly the ego mind wants to make the problems in my little world someone else’s fault, and believe me the ego tries really hard to do this, I know it cannot be true. I had dental surgery and the whole thing, start to finish, was expensive and painful and the ego is sure that the dentist is at fault. It has all the proof.
It wants to cite that proof over and over, and cannot accept that I don’t see it that way. But how could anyone else be guilty for my story? What I did instead was to look in my mind for the beliefs that source this particular image. Beliefs like, “I am guilty and deserving of punishment.” Beliefs like, “I have no control and things just happen.” That one was a variation on I am a victim of the world I see.
Other beliefs could be that I am unfairly treated, I am this body and pain is the proof of that, and, the truth is not true and I’ve just been kidding myself. Another ego favorite is that I am not worthy. When I find any belief that is not true, I ask sincerely, that the Holy Spirit heal my mind. I am very intent on this healing and just don’t have time to be a victim.