C 4: IV. This Need Not Be, P 11

IV. This Need Not Be, P 11

11 I do not attack your ego. I do work with your higher mind, the home of the Holy Spirit, whether you are asleep or awake, just as your ego does with your lower mind, which is its home. I am your vigilance in this, because you are too confused to recognize your own hope. I am not mistaken. Your mind will elect to join with mine, and together we are invincible. You and your brother will yet come together in my name, and your sanity will be restored. I raised the dead by knowing that life is an eternal attribute of everything that the living God created. Why do you believe it is harder for me to inspire the dis-spirited or to stabilize the unstable? I do not believe that there is an order of difficulty in miracles; you do. I have called and you will answer. I understand that miracles are natural, because they are expressions of love. My calling you is as natural as your answer, and as inevitable.

Journal

Every morning before I write in my journal, I post from my journal earlier writings. I have a group that started recently that wanted to get my journaling starting from the beginning, so I send that one out. I also have a group on Facebook where I post from my study of the Manual for Teachers which I did last year. Before I post them I read them and make any updates I feel are needed. What I discovered in doing this is that I am waking up.

The reason it is a discovery I make every morning is that during the day I notice all these ego thoughts in my mind and some of them grab my attention and pull me more completely into that part of my mind. By the end of the day I sometimes feel more identified with ego than I do with spirit. If the ego has had its way with me that day, by evening I despair of ever waking up. Then I read my journal from the past and I remember that not only will I wake up, but I am doing so now, right now, right this moment!

I cannot fail to wake up. Jesus holds my hand throughout this journey. He stands with me even when I think I am facing the ego alone. He upholds me and uplifts me and sometimes just helps me keep my head above water. He is never confused about what I am and he never despairs of me. If during the day I become dispirited he is not fooled by this. He knows this feeling is meaningless and has no power over me. He simply comforts and soothes me and helps me find my feet again.

Recently, because I have seen this happen over and over again, I have realized that my problem is that I have been taking my thoughts too seriously. I have this potential customer that I am waiting to hear from and every day I don’t get a call increases the fear that I have lost this sale. I feel bad about that, like I have let down my boss and fellow workers.

I feel like as long as I have done this job I should be better at it. I feel ashamed I am not. I look back on the meeting with the potential client and I see all sorts of mistakes I made, things I could have said and things I should not have said. These kinds of thoughts keep popping up in my mind all day long. I become dispirited and since I watch my feelings and thoughts I see that I need help.

Jesus does not fight my ego for me. He simply reminds me of the truth, working with my higher mind which is open to his help. I feel myself relax and let go of the fear and guilt. I remember my true purpose which has nothing to do with selling chemicals. I think about this potential customer and instead I see my brother and I love him and want the best for him, whatever that is.

I think about my company and instead of seeing them as my judges, I see them as my brothers and I feel close to them. Separation is the only problem and the only solution is union. I join with Jesus as I accept the Atonement and I join with my brothers knowing that however the story of Myron and the sale of the chemical ends, each of us will have had the opportunity to join in some form. I choose joining for myself and on their behalf as well. This is success, and the only success I am interested in.

These kinds of little battles go on all the time in my mind. What I see today is that I can feel like I am waking up all day if I watch the thoughts without battling them. I see the thought that I may be in danger of losing this sale and I see that thought causes fear. I see that the idea of winning over someone else is not joining. I see that “me against them” is not an attitude I would find in God, and so it cannot be real. I ask for healing of my mind and let go of it. If it comes back, I ask again.

If I don’t take these thoughts seriously and realize they are just the reflection of the ego mind and so not true and not worthy of my belief, then they are just something to place on the altar. They do not reflect my true self. I am not endangered by the thoughts. Why should I care about them? Certainly they do not keep me from waking up.

Thank you for this paragraph, Jesus. And thank you, my brother, for being here for me and for remembering the truth while I still sometimes forget.

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