V. The Ego-Body Illusion, P 1
1 All things work together for good. There are no exceptions except in the ego’s judgment. The ego exerts maximal vigilance about what it permits into awareness, and this is not the way a balanced mind holds together. The ego is thrown further off balance because it keeps its primary motivation from your awareness, and raises control rather than sanity to predominance. The ego has every reason to do this, according to the thought system which gave rise to it and which it serves. Sane judgment would inevitably judge against the ego, and must be obliterated by the ego in the interest of its self-preservation.
I often hear people say that all things work together for good, and I say it myself, but I know I don’t always believe it. If I did believe it I would not be anxious about things. This morning as I sit here writing this I am anxious about the time because I have an appointment I can’t be late for. I ask Jesus to adjust the time for me as I often do, but I still feel the need to rush, to watch the time, to stay in control. Obviously, I don’t think all things work together for good. I seem to believe that if I am late for this important appointment, that would not be good and that I must make all of this happen, the writing and the arriving on time part.
Maintaining control is the ego’s primary objective this morning and I guess all of the time. It allows only what it wants to believe into awareness. I have studied A Course in Miracles for over 30 years. I “know” a lot of stuff just from reading it so long, and even more stuff from the practice of it. But at any time, I forget parts of it and take into my awareness only what the ego wants to remember. This is one of the ways the ego maintains control.
The ego says it is our job to use common sense about time and to keep an eye on the clock. It says that we have to decide if this appointment takes precedence over my commitment to this time with Spirit, and it decides that the appointment is more important. After all, what is one day out of the hundreds I have been doing this? When I remind myself of the miracles I have experienced around time, the ego draws my attention to the times I have fallen short in faith and given into fear.
According to the ego, my faithlessness means I don’t deserve miracles.
Do you see how the ego hijacks the knowledge that is in my mind? When I ask for help from the Holy Spirit I am given the thoughts that lead me to the truth, but the ego begins a relentless battle for control over knowledge. Here is what I am doing today. I notice the anxiety that manifests in my body as a tightening of the jaw and clenching of the stomach. I know what it means. I am hearing the ego warnings, but I also know that I can afford to ignore them. I hear them, I am tempted to believe them, but I return my mind to the Holy Spirit instead. I trust.
The ego is in constant battle for my mind. It wants this body to control and in doing so believes that it controls me. It keeps me as distracted as possible to prevent me from remembering the truth because that would be the end of the ego. It does its best to convince me at every opportunity that I am this body and that I am very vulnerable and that my only hope of survival is to control everything in my life. It works vigilantly to keep my attention on the illusion so I will not glimpse my freedom.
It has now become my job to be vigilant against the ego and for God. As I have done this I have become convinced that I cannot be the ego since I am the one who is vigilant against it. I still forget sometimes and allow the ego to narrow my focus to the ideas it wants in my awareness, but I can only be fooled for a little while now, and then I return to sanity.