VI. Judgment and the Authority Problem, P 9
9 Only those who give over all desire to reject can know that their own rejection is impossible. You have not usurped the power of God, but you have lost it. Fortunately, to lose something does not mean that it has gone. It merely means that you do not remember where it is. Its existence does not depend on your ability to identify it, or even to place it. It is possible to look on reality without judgment and merely know that it is there.
Journal
What a neat paragraph this is!
Only those who give over all desire to reject can know that their own rejection is impossible.
No wonder I still feel rejectable! I have the belief in rejection in my mind, so I project stories of rejection. I see someone I disapprove of and I have rejected that person. I see an action I judge as wrong and I have rejected it. Each time I reject, I strengthen the belief that rejection is real and important. I increase the value I place on my right to reject. Spend today noticing the obvious and subtle ways you reject today and you will see what I mean.
Because all our weapons of attack are double edged, it will slice both ways and I will project stories that prove I, too, am rejected. Because I have taught myself to believe in rejection, I will believe the stories that seem to prove I have been rejected, even when the proof is flimsy. Understanding this, I am going to be very alert for my tendency to judge and reject. This is not a belief I want to strengthen in my mind.
I am grateful to remember that it is not my job to eradicate the belief in rejection, or even to control my urge to reject. It is only my job to notice when I am rejecting and to realize this is a belief that has no truth to it. God is not rejection so rejection cannot exist. I made it up as part of the whole separation experiment. I am ready to choose again and I do so by asking the Holy Spirit to undo what I have done. When I have been healed of this false belief, there will be no more rejection in my mind to project onto the story of Myron. Won’t that be a nifty turn of events!
You have not usurped the power of God, but you have lost it.
The second thing I love about this paragraph is that I am reminded that I have not actually done anything to feel guilty about. I have not really usurped the power of God. It is patently absurd to believe I ever could have done this, but in believing I had done so, I scared the bejeesus out of myself.
I am so awash in guilt and shame that I cannot even think straight anymore. This guilt is so intense that it cannot be borne and so is denied, but along with the guilt the reason for the guilt is denied as well. I can’t find most of this unconscious guilt because I buried it so deeply in my mind that it is lost to me. But as I have lost conscious awareness of the guilt, I have also lost conscious awareness of the power of God.
The good news is twofold. First, guilt does not exist. It is part of the separation idea. We made up guilt and we can allow it to be undone for us. We don’t need to get in touch with that deep well of unconscious guilt in order to do that. As long as we continue to forgive as much of the guilt as we can, the rest will be done for us.
The second piece of good news is that while we can “lose” our awareness of the power of God, it does not actually go anywhere. I will find it when I want it. I will want it when I am no longer afraid of it. I will no longer be afraid of it when I forgive the idea of guilt. It is simple to forgive guilt. However, the ego mind absolutely believes in guilt. It is made of guilt and will not give up the idea easily. But it is still simple to do it.
I notice guilt in the mind, all guilt, regardless of the direction it points, toward another or toward my self. I realize that guilt is not in God and so it cannot be in me. I agree to be healed of this belief and I accept that healing. Notice a pattern here? ~smile~ When you get serious about this forgiveness work with guilt, don’t be surprised if the ego part of your mind fights you on this. It will try to prove guilt with its stories. Don’t believe them. They are pure fiction.