VI. Judgment and the Authority Problem, P 8
8 The issue of authority is really a question of authorship. When you have an authority problem, it is always because you believe you are the author of yourself and project your delusion onto others. You then perceive the situation as one in which others are literally fighting you for your authorship. This is the fundamental error of all those who believe they have usurped the power of God. This belief is very frightening to them, but hardly troubles God. He is, however, eager to undo it, not to punish His children, but only because He knows that it makes them unhappy. God’s creations are given their true Authorship, but you prefer to be anonymous when you choose to separate yourself from your Author. Being uncertain of your true Authorship, you believe that your creation was anonymous. This leaves you in a position where it sounds meaningful to believe that you created yourself. The dispute over authorship has left such uncertainty in your mind that it may even doubt whether you really exist at all.
When I first read this it made me very uneasy, to the point that I did not allow myself to understand it even though it is pretty clear. I am more accepting of it now. Clearly, I have confused myself about my identity. I was created by God and so am like God. I decided to play with the idea that I am different and so imagined a self that was unlike God. I made up a self, decided it was me, and in so doing, imagined I was the creator of my self. This was confusing and frightening and so I projected this delusion onto others. Now it is really confusing and even more frightening because I seem always to be fighting for authorship.
What kind of self have I made? I am a fragile body, separated from all other bodies and every thing around me, living in a point in space and time. I have adventures in which I seem to be in danger, and I have to figure how to survive. I give my self exciting moments and fun moments, and moments of exquisite happiness, but behind even these moments is the uncertainty that is inevitable within the constraints chosen for this existence, which is mortality. Eventually I run out of options, and I die. It sounds like a video game and is no more meaningful.
I made up certain concepts that drive the story and describe its parameters. There is loss, lack, guilt, and fear. Everything that happens in this world is motivated and described by one of these concepts. I have many stories based on loss. I lose a friend to death, I lose a job to the economy. I don’t have enough money, I lack friends, good health, someone to love. I feel guilty for everything, for what I did and what I failed to do. I am afraid all of this will catch up to me and I will be punished.
How do I project this onto others? I made this. I made the whole world as I experience it and I am afraid of what I have done. I am uneasy with the self I made so I try to make others responsible. When my chosen story goes awry, I look for the cause of my failure in those around me. A friend dies and I say that it is God’s Will. I lose my job and I place the blame on my boss or the uncaring company I work for. A relationship goes awry and I blame my partner and look for a better one.
So what has happened is that I am in constant siege over my authorship. I battle God Who thinks He made me like Himself, as I insist that I am weak, frail, beleaguered and mortal. I battle other people who I have blamed for causing me to act in certain ways and thus seem to be defining who I am. I am left in in such confusion about my authorship that I don’t know who I am or even if I exist at all.
God’s love for us is unwavering. He does not judge us wrong for our choices. The fear that He does, and that we will be punished, is a concept we made up. In truth, God wants only our happiness. This is why He created a Guide and a Comforter and placed It in our mind. We are given the way out of our predicament. We are given a way to undo what we have done.
As we choose to forgive the world we made and the idea that we are our own creator, the Holy Spirit acts on our behalf to undo the world. Now that I am ready to wake up from this absurd dream, I notice when I am living a guilt story and remember that guilt is a concept I made up. I notice how unhappy I am when I feel guilty or when I project guilt. I choose again by asking the Holy Spirit to heal the belief in my mind that guilt is real and has real effects.
I do the same with the other concepts I made up. I continue to undo the world in this way until I am free of the suffering that comes from being confused about my authorship. God is the Author and I am His creation. This is what I am remembering as I allow the Holy Spirit to heal my mind. Each time I let go of a wrong minded belief, my mind clears a little more and I am beginning to lose interest in playing at being my own creator.