VI. Judgment and the Authority Problem, P 7
7 I have spoken of different symptoms, and at that level there is almost endless variation. There is, however, only one cause for all of them: the authority problem. This is “the root of all evil.” Every symptom the ego makes involves a contradiction in terms, because the mind is split between the ego and the Holy Spirit, so that whatever the ego makes is incomplete and contradictory. This untenable position is the result of the authority problem which, because it accepts the one inconceivable thought as its premise, can produce only ideas that are inconceivable.
Journal
As a Son of God it is inconceivable that I could be angry, sad, depressed, jealous, fearful, or any of the other symptoms that I have experienced. And yet, I seem to be all of these things at one time or another. It is inconceivable that the Son of God could be sick, could suffer and then die. And yet, that seems to be the inevitable fate of us all. How can both of these things be true? How can it be that I am experiencing the inconceivable?
They cannot both be true. Either I am still as God created me, or I am something different. I cannot be something different so I must still be as God created me. If I seem to be different, I must be dreaming. If I am dreaming, then I want to wake up. I keep thinking of the movie, Inception, a movie of dreams, within dreams, within dreams.
This is what is happening to me. I am dreaming, and dreaming of dreaming, and now I will dream of waking up. In my dream of waking up, I have discovered, not only that I am dreaming, but also the source of the dream stories. The thoughts in the sleeping mind, the things that I believe to be true, make the world I dream of. In my dream, I have discovered the way out of the confusion. It seems I have a Guide.
I am learning to watch for those thoughts and let them be changed for me by my Guide. I am learning to ask for direction, and to ask for clarification. I am too confused to make decisions on my own and I need help, which I receive from my Guide. Through following that Guide, that I call the Holy Spirit, I am learning that I can have a better dream, a happier dream, and eventually, to wake up from the dream.
As it turns out, this is pretty simple. There are sign posts that I watch for to know if I am dreaming with my Holy Spirit, or if I am trying to dream alone. If I am afraid or guilty, if I feel shame or loss, these are signs that, in my confusion, I have turned away from my Guide and am trying to navigate this dream on my own again.
The stories I dream are compelling. They feel so real and are often so urgent, so critical, that I dare not turn my back on them. I need to be there, to be doing something. I need to make something happen. The need for action is so fierce, the need for vengeance and retaliation, for defense and attack, so real that I forget I am only dreaming. I forget how inconceivable it is that I, the Son of God, could be attacked, could be endangered.
I used to think that there was something to be gained from being on my own, finding my own way back, succeeding without help. I was like a little child who insisted on doing it by myself even though it was beyond my capability. And like a little child, I sometimes stubbornly insist that this is my story and I am in charge of it, and I don’t want to give it up. But I am learning that it is not truly my will that I be lost in this dream forever, and that it is my will that the Holy Spirit guide me out of it.
Technically, waking up from the story is the easy part. I acknowledge that I am 100% responsible for what seems to be happening in my dream. I decide to choose differently, and ask for help. I admit that I don’t know the solution or how to get there, but that I am willing to follow. I accept the help given me. That is all there is to it. I don’t have to do anything or figure anything out. It’s as simple as one, two three. I did it. I change my mind. I accept correction. That’s it!
The sleeping mind likes its stories and its dramas and the part of me still engaged in this dream doesn’t always want to give it up. It will insist that this dream is different than that dream. Dreaming of death is far more serious than dreaming of a new relationship, for instance. The mind sees the dream of death as needing a different solution from the solution needed in relationship changes.
It finds the idea that the solution is always the same to be ludicrous. The stories are so different and some are much bigger deals than other stories. How could it be that the answer is always the same? That the solution to its carefully crafted dramas to be so simple, the mind finds insulting, and resists it fiercely.
This is why it takes a lot of practice to learn to trust the Holy Spirit implicitly. I made up my own dream. I believed in it. I loved it and wanted to keep it. Because who I am is not diminished even by my denial of the truth, the power of creation makes the illusion seem so real. But there is the truth in my mind and it calls to me.
In using each story as an opportunity to remember what the truth wants me to know, I am losing my taste for dreams. And I have learned it really is that easy to wake up. It just isn’t always so easy to want to wake up. But it’s getting easier and it is the daily practice that makes this so.