ACIM Chapter 9. VIII. Grandeur versus Grandiosity. P 3, 4

ACIM Chapter 9. VIII. Grandeur versus Grandiosity. P 3, 4

VIII. Grandeur versus Grandiosity, P 3

3 The ego does not understand the difference between grandeur and grandiosity, because it sees no difference between miracle impulses and ego-alien beliefs of its own. I told you that the ego is aware of threat to its existence, but makes no distinctions between these two very different kinds of threat. Its profound sense of vulnerability renders it incapable of judgment except in terms of attack. When the ego experiences threat, its only decision is whether to attack now or to withdraw to attack later. If you accept its offer of grandiosity it will attack immediately. If you do not, it will wait.

This morning, I am thinking about grandiosity as an attack. Why are these two ideas connected? Is attack always associated with grandiosity? I thought about the idea that I was a very good salesperson, better than others I knew. I realized that just that thought was an attack on myself. There would be times when I was not good, and that was scary. If I could succeed, I could also fail to uphold my grandiosity. And if I thought I needed to succeed, I could never be comfortable even in success since I knew I could lose that success. Thus, I attacked my peace and happiness with my grandiosity.

Then there is also the attack on others.

When I saw myself as a good salesperson, it was a comparative judgment. I am good compared to someone who is not so good. My judgment of them was that they didn’t measure up, and that was an attack. That was a subtle attack, but attack always produces fear. What if someone better came along, as inevitably happens? Then, comparatively, I am not so good.

Sometimes, the attack was more overt, as I tried to make the other person look incompetent so that I looked better. When that happened, I felt worse, but then I projected it onto the competition to see it as someone else’s fault, which is just another way to attack. Regardless, I had to always try harder so that I didn’t lose my standing. My life had a constant low-stress level even when things were going well.

More important than any of that is that competition increases the sense of separation that is the source of all attacks. To be better than, I must be separate from, and this is painful even when I am not aware of the source of the pain. Separation in any form is separation from God, and even though that is an impossibility, that feeling of being separate from God is the cause of all suffering. Anything that causes stress, anxiety, fear, or suffering of any kind or degree is an attack. Anything that increases my sense of separation is an attack. Grandiosity does both things.

VIII. Grandeur versus Grandiosity, P 4.

4 The ego is immobilized in the presence of God’s grandeur, because His grandeur establishes your freedom. Even the faintest hint of your reality literally drives the ego from your mind, because you will give up all investment in it. Grandeur is totally without illusions, and because it is real it is compellingly convincing. Yet the conviction of reality will not remain with you unless you do not allow the ego to attack it. The ego will make every effort to recover and mobilize its energies against your release. It will tell you that you are insane, and argue that grandeur cannot be a real part of you because of the littleness in which it believes. Yet your grandeur is not delusional because you did not make it. You made grandiosity and are afraid of it because it is a form of attack, but your grandeur is of God, Who created it out of His Love.

My grandeur is real because I did not make it.

It is mine simply because of who I am, simply because I was created in the image and as an extension of my Father. It is mine because creation is eternal and unalterable, so I can only be what God created. If I were not grand, it would mean that God is not grand.  And yet, I hear compelling evidence from the ego that says this is pure arrogance on my part and is going to get me in big trouble if I don’t show some humility, and sometimes I listen and believe.

True humility is stepping back from my vision of myself to accept God’s Vision. Humility is letting go of what I have believed about myself and accepting what I must be, that is, accepting my grandeur. I have done this and do it often, but not consistently. I also listen to and sometimes believe what the ego has to say. When we accept our grandeur, the ego will feel threatened and will retaliate. So,  we must protect our newfound understanding if we are to keep it. This is why I stay vigilant for ego attacks on my grandeur and why I release those thoughts to the Holy Spirit every time I notice them.

In Lesson 100, I am asked to accept happiness as my natural state. This is my function as I take my part in God’s plan for salvation. I wrote about this in my journal, and it is also an example of protecting my grandeur.

Here is what I wrote.

Today, my goal is to be happy. My happiness will heal the world. My smile will heal the world. This should be a goal that I eagerly embrace and I do, but not before I sat with this lesson for my first five minutes. I didn’t go to sleep happy, and I didn’t wake up happy. I have had some back pain and leg pain for the first time in a long time, and I have ignored the idea of healing.

My brother, who is in prison, is sick and has asked me to make calls to the prison on his behalf to get the treatment he needs. It has not been going smoothly. I have more to do at work than ever, and I have to get everything ready for the conference. This morning, I realized that I need to make plane reservations and other plans for a workshop I will do shortly after the conference. A lot has changed at work, and I must adjust to the changes.

But the most discouraging and upsetting of all is that I am aware that I have been resisting some of these lessons. I have been doing them, and I have received a lot of benefits, but I have also been resistant. I hate when this happens because it feels like I am at war with myself. How can I win if I am my own enemy?

The strongest resistance occurred while doing one of the lessons.

I had great success. I experienced something that was not an effect of ego thinking, something the ego self could take no credit for. It was a small thing, lasting only a few moments, but it was wonderful and important. It represented my desire to awaken. The ego mind went from suspicious to vicious in less than a minute.

That is when everything became a problem I couldn’t solve. Looking at it this morning after the meditation, I see that I brought into this story of Myron all sorts of problems, upsets, and distractions—anything that would stop this spiral toward awakening that was scaring the ego mind. So when the lesson said that my goal was to be happy today, I felt like it was the one more thing that was just too much, and I couldn’t do it.

But I am not alone in this.

I do have much Help. My Help whispered in my heart to just do the meditation as suggested and not to worry about it. I sat there with my hand on my heart, and I called for help. I poured out all my fears, disappointments, and discouragements. And as I did so, I realized that I was sinking past these thoughts as I named them. I remembered that peace and joy were in me because God had put them there, so how could I fail to find them?

There were no bright flashes of lights or fanfares of any kind, but it was like the sun had come from behind a cloud and illuminated my thinking. I saw how all my problems were just thoughts in my mind and that everything was fine. I saw the confusion in my mind unravel, and everything became clear and simple.

Happy, happy, joy, joy! I can’t help but smile and laugh now. Nothing had really happened except that I let the ego mind lead me back into its darkness, into fear and guilt and doubt. And now I have returned to reality because it is my desire to take my part in God’s plan for salvation, and nothing can thwart the desire of a Son of God. This is not grandiosity; it is grandeur.

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