II. The Alternative to Projection, P 10
10 The Holy Spirit uses time, but does not believe in it. Coming from God He uses everything for good, but He does not believe in what is not true. Since the Holy Spirit is in your mind, your mind can also believe only what is true. The Holy Spirit can speak only for this, because He speaks for God. He tells you to return your whole mind to God, because it has never left Him. If it has never left Him, you need only perceive it as it is to be returned. The full awareness of the Atonement, then, is the recognition that the separation never occurred. The ego cannot prevail against this because it is an explicit statement that the ego never occurred.
I am in God and there is a place in my mind that knows this is true. To find that truth and stay with it is to return home. What seems to be happening now is that I find the truth in my mind, but then I become diverted by the story, which is also in my mind. I always bring myself back to the truth, though, and usually very quickly. I write this and I realize what it means and I get chills up and down my spine. I am waking up.
Every time I turn to the Holy Spirit, He tells me, in some way, to return my mind to God where it has never left. I am not returning to God, really, I am already there. Since I am already there the separation never occurred and the ego does not exist. “It is not possible for me to fail, is it Jesus?” When I think of this I smile and laugh and cry. I don’t know what to do with myself.
Just a short time ago I would notice judgmental thoughts or grievances in my mind and I would know that this was not good. I would try to look at them with the Holy Spirit but would have trouble understanding how they could not be true. The story would seem so real it was hard to see the truth behind the story.
Sometimes, I would ask for my mind to be healed, but my heart wasn’t on board with the words. I would want to be healed, but I would also want to keep my grievance. This conflict was very painful and very confusing and it would scare me. I thought it meant I couldn’t do this. I didn’t know how to resolve it and I felt guilty that I was in this position.
Now what happens is that sometimes I find a grievance or a judgment in my mind and I know that I don’t want it, because this grievance or judgment stands between me and God. It might take a little while to decide I want only God, but I no longer doubt myself. I know what my choice will be. Yesterday I had an experience of judgment while I was with someone. This person lacks some basic hygiene skills and smells very bad. It was hard for me to be with her.
The Virgo personality I have chosen for this story really hates that kind of thing. Because I want to wake up more than I want to judge, the situation in which I found myself, (and which should have been short-lived), went on for hours, so I had plenty of time to watch my mind and make a choice for love. I went back and forth with it for the longest time, and this is what I noticed; I am OK with myself, I can take all the time I need and it doesn’t make me guilty.
It took longer than usual for me to overcome my judgment and to make a new decision and that’s all right. I was patient with myself because I know the outcome is inevitable. I have no fear that my judgment will condemn me, and no fear that I will not choose love. If not now then later, but always, I will choose love.
In fact I was able to laugh at myself even while it was happening. The ego tried to engage me in a little fear and guilt, but I wasn’t interested. I was able to remember that my belief this person should be clean is just an opinion and not truth. I had decided yesterday that I was through with defending my beliefs, and, lo and behold, right away I got a chance to see this decision in action. Now tell me if that isn’t both cool and funny!