VII. The Decision for God, P 1
1 Do you really believe you can make a voice that can drown out God’s? Do you really believe you can devise a thought system that can separate you from Him? Do you really believe you can plan for your safety and joy better than He can? You need be neither careful nor careless; you need merely cast your cares upon Him because He careth for you. You are His care because He loves you. His Voice reminds you always that all hope is yours because of His care. You cannot choose to escape His care because that is not His Will, but you can choose to accept His care and use the infinite power of His care for all those He created by it.
The ego mind does believe it has made a self separate from God. That is why the ego is so afraid. But I did not. I am still as God created me. The only reason I am ever afraid is because sometimes I still believe I am the ego. I identify with ego and so think that what the ego believes is true for me. I have this voice in my head that is demanding I believe it and it seems so very loud that I tell myself I can hear nothing above its clamor.
But that isn’t true. I can hear silence. I can hear God’s Voice. I see now that I have always been making a choice about what I would hear. I used to think I could not hear His Voice, but what was really happening is that I was listening to ego so that I couldn’t hear His Voice. Acknowledging this as true is very freeing, because now that I am willing to admit this is true, I can change my mind. Now instead of telling myself that I can’t hear His Voice, I can tell myself that I have chosen to listen to ego, but now I want to hear God.
For the last two days, that Voice has been telling me something of who I am. It started when I read in Lesson 190 that it is me who has the power to dominate all things I see by merely recognizing what I am. As I perceive the harmlessness in them, they will accept my holy will as theirs. Since I have been allowing Him to show me that this is true, I feel like I have turned a corner so to speak.
Everything seems different now. It also seems very new, like when a plant first peeks out of the ground. I must be careful and care for the plant until its roots are firm in the ground and it has some growth. Then I need only weed around it and water it from time to time. That’s how it feels with this new realization. It has just peeked out and it is still fragile and needs my care so it does not get trampled by the careless thoughts of the ego, and so it doesn’t die from lack of attention.
Yesterday I had a very busy day. Outside of a shake in the morning and a bit of popcorn as a snack, I had not eaten all day. I was starting to get hungry and when I pulled up for gas I had the thought of going in to get a cupcake. I thought about how tasty that would be and a familiar longing for some sugary confection came over me. I recognized it as the ego body appetite wanting to be filled.
In the past, I have often fed those body appetites and thought I didn’t have any choice. I would crave some food, usually sugar, and then I just couldn’t help myself. Even when I swore I wasn’t giving in to that craving I would do it anyway and so I convinced myself I was out of control and it wasn’t my fault. I was a victim to my appetites. Now I am not saying there is anything wrong with eating a cupcake. It is not true, however, that I have to eat a cupcake.
When I felt that old urge, I also felt fear because in the past I believed I was subject to my appetites. Yesterday, I heard another Voice and this one asked that I question that belief. (It all happened very quickly and I am putting words where there were none at that moment, but this is what it felt like.) I remembered that I dominate all things because of what I am.
I asked the Holy Spirit what it is that I am. I was reminded that I am a divine being, that I am God’s own Son, that I am a perfect creation of a perfect Creator. I remembered that all things must bow to my will because this is true. The urge to feed my appetite disappeared without even a whimper. It bowed to my will. The choice to eat a cupcake or not to eat it is not earth shattering in and of itself. But the decision to acknowledge the power of my decision is.
Today, I feel more like what I am than I did before that moment at the gas station. I know that all this time I was not subject to my appetites; I was using them to drown out the Voice for God. I was using them to separate myself from God, through separating myself from my true nature. I was in charge all the time. I was just using my power to pretend that I was powerless. I pretended to device a thought system of powerlessness that separated me from God, but it was nothing, just smoke and mirrors. I cannot undo what God has done, and what God has done is available to me at any time.
I am fully protected even from my vain imaginings. He loves me and His love protects me. “You need be neither careful nor careless; you need merely cast your cares upon Him because He careth for you.” I can pretend to escape His care, but it is just pretense. I am learning to accept His care through accepting what I am. In so doing this for me, I do it for us all.
I wrote down today’s lesson (233) so that I could remind myself all day that this day is dedicated to hearing only His Voice and following His guidance without reserve. How perfect is the above quote. I can afford to put aside my ego drive to be in charge because He careth for me. I am safe in following Him because I am safe in Him.