Persistent Ego Thoughts Make it Hard to Forgive

Thank you, too, for your insights into my “not feeling well.”  I’ve been struggling with something lately, and I think it’s having physical ramifications. 


Just a few days ago, we found out we had a very important business deal fell through.  We also found out (through inside sources) that it happened because a “competitor” did something unscrupulous.  It really blindsided me – I didn’t expect this to happen, especially in a professional context.


I am trying really hard not to be defensive, angry, etc.  We have spent thousands of dollars working on this deal.  I keep trying to forgive myself for believing any of this is real in the first place, but – for some reason – this feels particularly difficult to overcome.


I have been regularly asking Holy Spirit for guidance and for His help to think about this in a different way, but I am not hearing anything.  Usually, all it takes is “centering me” for a short time, and I hear the messages Holy Spirit intends me to hear.  But with this situation, for some reason, I am just not hearing anything. Nothing. 


As always, I appreciate any insight/thoughts you might have, Myron.  Your words always help me understand situations better.


Your Friend.


Dear Friend,


First I ask Holy Spirit what He wants us to know about this.


When I hold onto conflict (unforgiven thoughts) I get sick, too. I think this is a natural result of using the body lovelessly. Sometimes it can be very hard to get past the idea that the other person is wrong especially when there seems to be so much proof. When this happens to me I remind myself that this is my story, not their’s. There is nothing in my story that I did not choose to experience. I put all the elements in place and called to me all the players. When I am still attracted to guilt the story is going to reflect my belief in separation. Separation will always contain the effects of guilt; fear, anger, comparison, competition, loss, jealousy, shame, etc. 


I do this on a level that keeps me unaware of the process and allows me to see someone else as the guilty party. This is part of the purpose of ego-world, to prove I am an innocent victim of evil perpetrators. “See God, how innocent I am. It is they who are guilty. Condemn them, not me.”


Once a story is in place I have to back out of it. Sometimes I can do this quickly and sometimes it takes awhile. Either way it seems to help to remember some things.


1. I but do this to myself. I want to blame someone else, but no one is responsible for my life but me. Clever creator that I am I make it seem as if I am only an innocent bystander, but nothing happens in my story except by my desire. I am 100% responsible for everything I see.

2. I am innocent. I am responsible for what I see, but I am never to blame for any of it. I am having a desired experience and that is all that’s happening. Because of what I am, the Son of God, there are no limits on me so I can have any experience I desire. There is no condemning God saying, “You are guilty for your choices.” 

3. Just as I am innocent, so are all my supporting players. They are helping me to have my experience, and are completely innocent of any wrong-doing.

4. No one is guilty for anything because nothing is happening outside my mind. I am dreaming, imagining, thinking about the separation idea. The unlimited mind that I am thinks such vivid thoughts and projects them in such a way as to make them appear very real, that I become confused and forget that I am the dreamer and not the dream character. But no matter how real the dream appears, it is still a dream. Nothing that happens in my story is real and so there are no real consequences, thus I am innocent as are we all.

5. From the point of view of the story character I am so identified with, I seem to be waking up from the dream state and realizing that I am more than I seem. I am also beginning to realize that my life has purpose other than to make the story more interesting, fun, dramatic etc. So I look at the situation and realize that I can see it differently. It can become a way out of the story if I choose. I have a Guide and a Healer Who will help me when I call on Him. All I need to do is get out of His way.

6. Getting out of His way means I don’t try to make anything happen. I begin to want the peace of God more than I want anything else. To the degree this is true, my Guide is able to heal my mind and show me a different way to perceive this. He is forever unwilling to give me anything I do not truly want so He waits patiently on my willingness. When I try to make it happen myself, that is just a way to keep the story going. It is ego trying to control “life” and it fools me sometimes because what I learn the ego learns so it uses the right words and concepts. It becomes a spiritual ego and distorts the principles I am learning from the Course to keep me in the story. It “forgives” through first making guilty, for instance. The ego says, “OK, these thoughts we are having seem to be wrong according to the Course, so we have to stop having them.” Do you see how the ego tries to hijack your awakening? 


With a better understanding of what is actually happening, I can get more clarity about how to “let go.”


1. I am not guilty for my thoughts. In truth my thoughts are not personal (nothing is personal), but simply thoughts within the mind that I notice and for a moment place my attention on them. If they do not interest me they go away, back to where they came from. If they interest me I keep my attention on them and think, “This is my thought.” When I make that error I begin the think I am guilty for the thought because it belongs to me. I think that I am the thought. In other words, if I think my competitor is unscrupulous, I feel guilty because I am judging and believe this makes me a judgmental person. But here is the truth. I am not that thought or even the mind that seems to hold that thought. I cannot be guilty for it because it did not originate with me and is not me. It does not define me. When I believe it defines me I think “I am judgmental.” But the truth is, “I am.” Everything I add past that is an identity I choose instead of what God created, and is the cause of my pain and suffering. Not because I made it true but because I think I did.


2. If my thoughts are not mine and if they have no actual affect, and if they do not define me, or offend God, then I am not guilty. I am innocent. If these thoughts are not mine and they simply pass me by without my attention, then obviously fighting them is the way I keep them and make them seem real. I have found that if I simply accept the thought, recognize that it is not real because it is not what God would think, then it goes away. If I think I must make it go away, I give it all my attention and it stays and like minded thoughts appear because I have made a welcoming place for them through my attention. It helps me to remember that I give everything all the meaning it has for me, and this includes my thoughts. If they are not true thoughts, and 99% of my thoughts are not, then they are not good nor bad, just meaningless. How could the meaningless engender guilt or define me? How could the meaningless change what God created? These thoughts are not going to stop appearing in the mind because it is the ego’s job to show me disturbing thoughts. However, I can recognize them for meaningless and let them pass through with no seeming effect. I often ask when I become confused about a thought, ” Who told me this?” If I cannot say, God, then I know it is ego and I can ignore it. It is not true.


3. So what is true about this situation. You are innocent. Your competitor is innocent. Nothing has actually happened. Reality has not been affected by your imaginings.You have a purpose and that purpose is not to get the business deal. Your purpose is to awaken through recognizing your innocence and your brother’s innocence. The way you fulfill your purpose is to give all the willingness you have to allowing this miracle to happen within your mind, and to not worry about how or when it happens, and to ignore the apparent proof that it is not happening. You have no idea the difference between success and failure. Some of your seemingly biggest failures have been your greatest successes. It is only the ego inserting itself into your process that judges this. No matter how much you seem to resist the simple truth, I assure you your truest Heart desire is to awaken from the dream of separation and to be with your God with your Whole mind. Trust God. Trust the Holy Spirit, His Voice in your mind. Trust your Self. 


Ignore the ego’s proof of wrong doing. Ignore the ego’s proof that you are right and your competitor is wrong. Ignore the ego’s proof that you have been hurt and have experienced a loss. All of this is just a distraction to keep your mind off your true purpose and to keep you in the game.


Accept the simple truth that you are safe. You are loved. You are fully supported. You are innocent. Your competitor is innocent. Anything else you see is an illusion. Give up the idea that you know what should happen and what the outcome should be. Give up the idea that you should not be having these wrong minded thoughts and that it is your job to corral them and get them out of your mind. When you withdraw meaning from them you will lose interest and they will give you up.  Give up trying to control and direct, and give that job to the Holy Spirit in absolute faith that your purpose will be fulfilled.


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