Where can freedom be experienced, save within a consciousness that has learned how to transcend the contraction of fear? And fear is the result of your attachment to the values you have placed upon the events you experience, which are made up of events, persons, places, and things. All of these are actually just events.
What I learned
Why is it that some things which happen in my life are easy to see as neutral events, and others are nearly impossible for me to view in this way? What I am learning is that the difference in these events is that within my mind I am giving value to something and this value creates within myself the notion that the event cannot be seen differently.
Jeshua says: Look well then, to see where you have placed a value, and insisted that that value be unshakable. I place value on my relationship with my children. I think to myself that if something happened to them I would be devastated. If something happened to my relationship with them I would experience a great sense of loss. I place value on my job and see it as my salvation from poverty. If I lost my job I would feel intense fear. I place value on the healthy functioning of my body and if it became terribly sick or damaged, I would be afraid. I have noticed in the past I have placed value on having my body be whole and thinking about losing part of it caused fear. (The symbolism in that one is pretty clear.)
Then Jeshua says: Be careful what you decree. Look to see where you are emotionally enmeshed with the value you have placed upon anything or anyone. He says look at all relationships, the one with my children, my money, or my body. All of these relationships are neutral events but when I place value on one of them they no longer feel neutral for me. My emotions get involved and fear becomes part of the relationship. Now I believe my happiness exists outside myself and so can only fear the relationship will change or end and thus affect my happiness.
Jeshua says: Every web of relationship comes to you perfectly neutral. You decree it by naming it and defining it. So my relationship with my children came to me perfectly neutral and then I defined it by naming it. They are my children and I am their mother. What does that mean to me? What is my definition of this relationship? This relationship is very complex in my mind and influenced by what I was modeled as child by my parents. It is influenced by what I learned from TV sitcoms, by what I read in Parenting Magazine, what I learned from Dr. Spock, from Mr. Rogers, from my friends. My definition of this relationship is not my own, but a hodgepodge of influences I have never bothered to examine.
I have been given pebbles and simply accepted them without question, tossing them into the pool of my awareness and creating the effects which are witnessed in my relationship with my children. I have been creating; I must create because I was created a creator. But it has been unconscious creation. It is this blind acceptance of values that causes so much trouble when children grow up. How then do I function as their mother? All the rules change and I am left with the same values I decided on when I defined motherhood, and no way to be that mother. This is why it can be so confusing and painful when the relationship changes.
What if I accept that my relationship with my children isentirely neutral? I hardly know how to think of this? How would I know how to act, what to feel? I notice that Jeshua talks about being emotionally enmeshed with the value I place on anything or anyone. He also talks about insisting the value be unshakable. So let me revisit the relationship I have with my grown children. I will use my relationship with Toby so that I can get very specific and understand this. When Toby was young I defined my relationship as mother. Being his mother meant that I kept him from hurting himself. I told him what was safe and what wasn’t. I set rules and he had to follow them. He learned to look to me for guidance and to think of me as wise.
Now Toby is grown. When he calls to share his life with me and tells me what he is doing, if I cling to that old definition of our relationship I am going to start telling him what he should do and how he should act. He is not going to look at me as his guiding light, but see me as interfering. What used to feel loving and comforting will now feel insulting. He will not call me so much, and he will stop sharing deeply because he doesn’t want to hear that I have no faith in his judgment. If I continue to cling to the old definition I will begin to feel hurt and abandoned. I will resent his behavior and feel lost because I no longer have his attention. I will feel at times, angry, and at other times, depressed. I will feel confused.
Jeshua says: Here is the doorway to wisdom. Do not create unconsciously and then just walk away. But learn ceaselessly from your creation. For in this way you begin the process of dissolving the creation of an un-enlightened being and you begin to build the creation of a Christ – here and now, in this moment.
I can start paying very close attention to my relationship with Toby. I can notice how it feels. I can become aware of the thoughts and beliefs, the definitions I have imposed upon it and decide if I want their effects to continue in the future. It requires vigilance to do this, and it also requires that I accept that my relationship with Toby is perfectly neutral until I decide what it means. I can always decide differently. I used to toss in the pebble that said, “Toby is helpless without me.” Now I can toss in the one that says, “Toby is unlimited.” How would that affect our relationship? If I began to believe in his unlimitedness I would begin to express that when I spoke to him. How would that change our relationship?
I used to toss in the pebble that said in order for me to feel worthy my son must love and respect me. What if I tossed in the pebble that said God created me worthy and it cannot be questioned? How would that affect our relationship? If I was no longer coming to him with open hands hoping he would fill them for me, how would that change the dynamic of our relationship? I have the freedom and the power to define this relationship in any way I choose, and I can change how I am in this relationship as long as I remember it is a perfectly neutral event, and do not become unwilling to see it differently.
Jeshua reminds us that we are creators and asks what it is we will create in each moment. He says: Far beyond the great thrill of the magic of creating events or objects in third dimensional reality are the qualities that you create, such as peace, unlimitedness, forgiveness, compassion, and wisdom. These too, are creations. What am I willing to create right now in my relationships with my children? I can create peaceful unlimited relationships if I am willing to let go of old values and old definitions. I can only do that if I remember that all events are neutral.
All quotes are used by kind permission of the Shanti Christo Foundation. To buy a copy of this profound book visit their website at www.shantichristo.com. I invite your thoughts and comments.