How much of God am I willing to receive and allow to be expressed through me?
What I have learned
So what is the point of looking at my desires without judgment? Why do I need to practice trusting desire? I want to experience God. I want to express God through my Self. As I continue to do the exercise and see the thread that runs through them I can then follow that thread to the, “Heart of God.” On page 52: And along the way, everything unlike Love would come up for you to release it. During the process, you would go through a metamorphosis that would culminate in your being the living incarnation of the power of Christ – your soul would realize the fulfillment that it has always sought. This is the purpose; I intend to release all that keeps me from living as Christ. And before I can do that, I must release fear in all its forms including the fear of desire.
This morning I expressed the desire to be used by Holy Spirit in whatever way He needed me. No restrictions. I began to notice some things. When I went down to the hotel lobby for coffee (which is a big deal for me) the clerk had not made any. I felt a bubble of anger coming up. How could she forget coffee? I mean what is the purpose of breakfast if not as an adjunct to coffee? Am I still in Louisiana; how could there not be coffee?
It is pretty funny when I think about it but that may be because I got my coffee and with it my sense of humor. But I got to see that having coffee was more important than having peace, and that my sister was only worthy if she fulfilled that need for me. I got to see where I am placing value and I was sad to see that I valued coffee more than Love. On the other hand, I was glad to see this, because now I can change my mind. I desire coffee but I desire the Love of God more. I desire to be an extension of that Love more than I desire coffee or anything else. I look forward to becoming aware of those things on which I have placed false value, so they can be released.
I have done the exercise for a number of days. I see a thread of fear running through them. I desire my house to be finished. Behind that desire is a fear of not having a place to live. I desire to lose weight and behind that desire is the fear of myself, that I will not choose to do this, but instead choose to feed the ego appetites. I desire to win the lottery and the fear behind that desire is that I will be unable to support myself now that I am getting older, and that I cannot do what I really find joy in doing because there is not enough money without work and not enough time with work.
I am very grateful to see the thread of fear running behind these desires so that I can release it. Do I want to live in love or in fear? It is simply a choice. It seems hard to let go of fear because it would mean letting go of my smallness; it would mean letting go of being a seeker and become found. Jeshua says: “You were birthed to be grand. You were birthed for greatness. You were birthed to shine forth such light into this world that the world remembers that light is true, and darkness is illusion. Be you, therefore, that which you are – you are the light of the world.”
I see this thread going through my desires as well. I desire to be what I am created to be and to know what that is. I desire to be an empty conduit through which the Love that is God flows through me unimpeded by any part of me that wants to be something else. I want to serve my brother by accepting the Atonement for myself. I want to walk the earth as Christ incarnate. I see this thread all through my deepest desires. As I release the fear of desire I receive vision with greater clarity and I know what to release and what to nurture.
All quotes are used by kind permission of the Shanti Christo Foundation. To buy a copy of this profound book visit their website at www.shantichristo.com. I invite your thoughts and comments.