My mind holds only what I think with God.
(135) If I defend myself I am attacked.
(136) Sickness is a defense against the truth.
I wasn’t feeling inspired to write anything particular this morning, so I decided to read some past journals to see how I felt about this on those days. Here are a few excerpts that I found helpful now.
“If I defend myself I am attacked.” When I feel defensive about sickness and pain I place my focus on it and the pain becomes my world. When I simply accept that I am feeling pain and shift my focus to the purpose the Holy Spirit finds for me in this pain, purpose is my world.
Instead of existing to relieve myself of pain, I exist to heal the mind of wrong-minded thinking. I am no longer defending myself, and so no longer attacking myself. The question shifts from, “How can I defend the body from this pain” to “How can I use this experience to wake up?”
Me: Holy Spirit, I feel guilty when I have to take medicine, which is nearly every time I get sick. I do it anyway, but I know that guilt is not helpful. Would you talk to me about this?
Holy Spirit: Myron, you are, of course, right about guilt not being helpful. No matter what seems to be in your life it is the result of looking in to find an answer and then looking out to see what that answer is. And the answer you see when you look out shows you who you asked. If you look out and see sickness you did not ask Me for an answer.
This is the value of being aware that everything is in your life by your invitation. Now that you are no longer wasting time blaming someone or something else for what is happening to you, you can recognize that you are the author of the dream, and you can begin to understand that the dream itself will inform you of your teacher. If the dream is not one of love and peace, then simply choose the other teacher.
Myron, allow me to remind you that it doesn’t matter if you use magic to heal the body. The body is no more real than the medicine is. The magic could not work had you not given it permission to do so. One day you will not need that intermediate step. You will simply give yourself permission to heal without magic being part of it. One day you will be free of guilt and will no longer experience illness.
Would you feel guilty because you are not in a different place on your path? You are exactly where you need to be at this moment. You need what you are learning this day. If you notice your guilt, and notice that what you are experiencing is a result of your thoughts and your choice of teachers, then you are doing what you need to do right now. I am grateful to you for your decision to be vigilant. I do not ask you to do more than this. Your vigilance will bring you to the next place in your journey.
The body is not creative. It cannot “get” sick. My thinking is sick and it is then projected outward as a sick body or a sick relationship, or even a sick financial situation. The solution has nothing to do with the world I see but must be directed at the mind that projects the world.
Sickness is a result of the thoughts we believe. It can take form differently, but the content, the sick belief is always the same. The form might be a special relationship that needs to be transformed or a belief in loss or lack. It might take the form of victimhood or its close cousin the belief of being unfairly treated. Whatever the form, it is a defense against God.
So today, I see that my understanding of this lesson has evolved over the years but the basics are the same. Sickness is not caused by the world we see, including these bodies. The world is caused by the sick thoughts in our mind. Healing occurs when the thoughts are corrected or released. We use sickness as a defense against God, as a way to prove we are not part of God, or as a way to punish ourselves so that God will not punish us, so He will see that we understand our guilt and are willing to make amends through suffering. It’s so crazy, and yet, to the ego-mind, it makes sense.
And when we project suffering onto the body, this is an attack on ourselves. We could only do this if we felt we were so guilty that we believed we deserved the attack. Sometimes we attack others with our thoughts or our words. We do this in our own defense and yet, doing so makes us feel more vulnerable since it emphasizes that we must need defense.