I. The Message of the Crucifixion, P 9
9 I elected, for your sake and mine, to demonstrate that the most outrageous assault, as judged by the ego, does not matter. As the world judges these things, but not as God knows them, I was betrayed, abandoned, beaten, torn, and finally killed. It was clear that this was only because of the projection of others onto me, since I had not harmed anyone and had healed many.
What I get from this is that if I feel like someone has attacked me in any way, be it small or large, I must forgive. I don’t forgive the person for what they did, but I forgive the idea they did anything. I forgive the idea that I can be betrayed or insulted or anything else. Even if they attack this body, I forgive the idea that I can be attacked, because this body is nothing, only a vehicle, handy to assist in the awakening, but certainly not important to me and most certainly not me.
On those rare occasions when I feel a sense of betrayal or abandonment, I question that feeling and inevitably discover that it was only my thoughts that hurt me. When recently I felt abandoned by my daughter I first asked the ego what was going on, and the ego told me that I must be guilty for something then told me that my daughter was at fault. These thoughts were very painful, but at first I was swayed by this explanation because guilt still has a place in my mind.
After awhile, though, I came to my senses and looked at it with the Holy Spirit. I remembered that I cannot be abandoned. I am part of the Whole; how could I be abandoned and by what? There is nothing outside my mind to abandon me. My daughter is part of me and I cannot lose her and she cannot take herself from me.
Is it true that my daughter abandoned me? No. It cannot be true. The only explanation for my feeling of abandonment must be the mistaken thoughts of guilt and fear in my mind, and they are not real either. I chose the Atonement and allowed those beliefs to be transformed. From that healed place, I called her, not in fear but in love. I invited her company and she gladly accepted.
Not only had nothing really happened in my mind except that I believed a thought that wasn’t true, but nothing had happened in her mind either. It was just a sad story I had told myself. Then I told myself a happier story. But really, nothing happened at all. I keep trying to make something out of nothing, but at least this time I used the experience to take me further out of the dream.
What if she had really been angry with me, and was avoiding my company? What if she had refused my company? She would have been having a sad dream of her own in that case, but still it would only be a dream. How I react to someone else’s dream depends on what I choose to believe. If I choose the ego story of guilt, fear, abandonment, and betrayal to believe then I will suffer, but I cannot make any of that real through my suffering. I can only choose to suffer or choose not to suffer.
My prayer, my true prayer in these moments of confusion is not to have the circumstances changed, but to have my mind healed. I could ask that my mind be healed of its sadness, or the circumstances be altered to reflect something different. But a truer prayer, one that leads to awakening would be to let me be healed of the belief in betrayal.
If my pain tells me this is just not possible, I can disregard that answer. It might well be impossible for Myron to believe differently about it, but it is not Myron that does the healing. It is the Holy Spirit that does the actual healing, and Myron only needs to desire the healing. This can be done. I can desire to be healed more than I desire to hold my brother hostage to my suffering.