C 5: VII. The Decision for God, P 4

VII. The Decision for God, P 4

4 But the time is now. You have not been asked to work out the plan of salvation yourself because, as I told you before, the remedy could not be of your making. God Himself gave you the perfect Correction for everything you made that is not in accord with His holy Will. I am making His plan perfectly explicit to you, and will also tell you of your part in it, and how urgent it is to fulfil it. God weeps at the “sacrifice” of His children who believe they are lost to Him.

Journal

The time is now for me! If you are reading this book and you haven’t tossed it aside by this time, the time is now for you, too. It is time to wake up, time to lay aside the dream of separation and embrace our true Self. We have sacrificed our joy and peace for far too long, and it is time to let all that go. I have been asking very frequently for some days now to be reminded of what I am.

When I feel sad or fearful, when I am angry or upset in any way, to any degree, I ask again, “What am I?” I am ready to know. The ego mind that loves its stories and doesn’t want to give them up resists this change in direction. I am assaulted by fearful thoughts and distracting situations, but as this happens I meet each one with the question, “What am I?”

I am spirit. I am a divine being. I am His Son. How can I be subject to the ego fears and guilt? How can I be subject to sickness, pain or suffering of any kind? I remind myself of the passage in Lesson 190 that says I dominate everything I see. I dominate physical pain and mental anguish. I dominate the little distractions and the big ones. As I realize that my holy self cannot be assaulted from without, I see the harmlessness in all these things.

Having realized their harmlessness, I ponder what Jesus said next in Lesson 190, that what was seen as fearful now becomes a source of innocence and holiness. I open my heart and mind to understand this more fully. I think that every word in A Course in Miracles is meaningful and important, and I have been doing this long enough to realize that my understanding deepens as my desire to awaken overtakes my fear of awakening. As this happens I really want to understand and it is like a light coming on and illuminating the words.

I was reminded of something as I wondered about all things I see becoming a source of innocence. I woke up at 3:48 this morning. I was expecting to wake up at 5:00 or later and so I lay there for a few minutes expecting to go back to sleep, but that didn’t happen. For awhile my mind was conflicted as the ego insisted on its way. It has definite ideas about what I need as far as sleep goes. But I dominate all things I see and I see that it is now nearly 4:00 and I am awake.

I let go of the idea that lack of sleep is the enemy I must fight. I let go of the idea that my body is the decision maker and dominates my mind. I remember what I am. The idea of sleep deprivation ceases to be the boogeyman I thought it was and it appears harmless to me now. I realized how nice it would be this morning to have so much time to commune with Spirit and to write.

I see that this idea of not enough sleep that has always haunted me and caused anxiety and seemed to drain my energy was just a thought in a confused mind. It is really innocent. Ha! That is it! That is how the things I see are innocent. They do not cause my unhappiness. I cause that, and because I caused it, I can stop causing it. I don’t quite get the holy part, but I will stay open to understanding.

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