II. The Voice for God, P 11
11 When you are tempted by the wrong voice, call on me to remind you how to heal by sharing my decision and making it stronger. As we share this goal, we increase its power to attract the whole Sonship, and to bring it back into the oneness in which it was created. Remember that “yoke” means “join together,” and “burden” means “message.” Let us restate “My yoke is easy and my burden light” in this way; “Let us join together, for my message is light.”
I have often called on Jesus to help me remember how to heal. The average day is sure to have many times when I will first see things from the ego perspective, realize my mistake, and ask for healing. The wrong voice tempted me, but now my goal is oneness, and I seek to make that goal stronger and stronger, so I seldom miss an opportunity to change my mind. I change my mind about what I want, and the Holy Spirit changes my mind. We are a team.
I spent a couple of days watching myself as I experienced my body as if it were sick. I know that this cannot be true. The body does not feel, so how can it feel sick? The mind was sick and needed healing. By the middle of the day yesterday I was feeling better, and by 5:00PM I was well enough to enjoy a movie. The body seemed to be getting well. That was the appearance, but it was the mind that being healed, and so projected that effect, just as it had projected the effect of sickness.
I noticed this morning that I woke up looking for symptoms and some part of me was hoping to find some. I think I wanted another day at home. I wanted some mild symptoms that would give me an excuse to stay home but not so serious that my day was spoiled. That is one of the ways that sickness is valuable to me. Another way is that I have believed that sickness proves I am not really waking up, that I am not worthy of God. It is, as the Lesson tells us, a defense against God.
I am willing to be healed of both those beliefs. If I want to stay home, I am just going to take a vacation day. I’m not going to give sickness value in my mind. If I feel unworthy, I am going to notice that thought in my mind and ask the Holy Spirit to change my mind, to correct my thinking and heal my mind. In other words, I ask for the Atonement and accept it.
Before I got sick and for awhile during the sickness I got caught up in feeling like the ego instead of just watching the ego. I think that this happens when I judge myself and others. Usually, I watch my “life” from at least some detachment, then other times I am fully in the story. When that happens I suffer and if it happens long enough the ego projects it; the ego tries to throw the suffering in the mind out onto the world, sometimes onto my body and I think I am sick.
I will tell you the truth, I am amazed that I can still get so caught up in the story as to forget the truth, even for a short time, much less for several days. When I am sane, I can’t imagine doing this, but when I forget my self and get hooked by the story, I am right back there. The difference, though, is that I am not completely there, not ever.
All the time it is happening, I am asking for healing. When I am less insane, I watch myself being lost and asking for help. When I am very insane, I just feel lost and ask for help. I will be glad when I wake up completely. I am tired of the conflicted mind syndrome. I am happy, though, to do my part in healing the mind. I am willing to do it with less suffering is all I am saying. I know it is not a necessary part of awakening for it to be painful, so I ask for the Atonement for that.