VI. Judgment and the Authority Problem, P 4
4 You are very fearful of everything you have perceived but have refused to accept. You believe that, because you have refused to accept it, you have lost control over it. This is why you see it in nightmares, or in pleasant disguises in what seem to be your happier dreams. Nothing that you have refused to accept can be brought into awareness. It is not dangerous in itself, but you have made it seem dangerous to you.
I felt a little confused about this paragraph and asked for understanding. In the first sentence I am told that I am fearful of the things I perceive but refuse to accept. So what is it that I have perceived but refused to accept? That would be the things I project onto others. I notice a thought in my mind but feel guilty or afraid of the thought and quickly project it. I see it (or perceive it) outside me and I think I am free of it, but now I am nervous because, outside of me, I have no control over it.
Jesus, could you give me an example of this?
I received these examples. I understand better when I perceive it in a personal way as if it was my life. I don’t actually have these beliefs anymore, but I am sure I had them in the past.
The whole world I see is an example of this. A specific example would be the belief in lack. If I believe in lack, I might project this belief onto the world as financial poverty. I see poverty everywhere I look. I see people starving to death while others have so much they cannot even use it all. I don’t know what to do about it and think because I cannot find a solution that I am guilty. I buy some luxury and I feel guilty because I could have used that money to feed some hungry child. Then I realize there is no way I can fix this problem, that it is out of my control, and this makes me fearful and angry.
If I believe in loss I project that belief onto the world. For example, I am in love, giddy with it, and I think I will love this person until I die and even death cannot end my love. Then I fall out of love and I lose that wonderful feeling. I don’t know what to do about it. I can’t make love last forever and now I can’t be happy without it. Love is out of my control and I am victim to its loss. I either run out to fill that loss with someone else, or I become afraid to lose again, and so defend myself against it and never allow myself to fall in love again.
If I believe in suffering and so project suffering onto the world, this could happen. I see people with cancer everywhere I look and I am afraid because it seems so horrible. Even if I never have it or even if no one I love has it, I am afraid because it is possible and so I live in dread. I read every article on it and try every preventative measure to keep it at bay, but I don’t know if any of them will work so I am still in fear. Or I project it onto this body I think of as my self. I have cancer and it just appeared. I have no control over it and can only try to defend this body from its ravages.
These are possible scenarios. In each one the thought or belief is in the mind and in an effort to get rid of the belief, it is thrown out (projected). It then seems to be outside, no longer in my mind but out “there.” It is not me, not my fault, and I am not guilty of having that thought. That is the idea, anyway. But out there, I have no control over it and so now I am afraid.
The solution is to stop trying to control it out there, which, of course, is impossible. As long as I perceive the idea as something outside myself I will continue to feel victimized by it, but as I withdraw my projections, and acknowledge the thoughts, I can allow them to be healed. When I see poverty, instead of joining a cause to eradicate it, I realize that the idea of poverty is in my mind and that is where it must be healed.
When I see loss, instead of feeling helpless to do anything about it, I acknowledge that the loss I see is just a symbol of the idea of loss I believe in. I ask the Holy Spirit to heal the belief in loss in my mind, and I accept His healing. A mind that does not believe in loss will not see loss. A mind that does not believe in suffering will not see suffering because it will not project suffering or loss.
This might impossible to me if I have all these beliefs in my mind, and yet, even with the little mind healing I have experienced, I know that it is the truth. The ego mind wants to object. There will always be suffering in an illusion of separation, and when I see it, how do I not care? There is always another way to see everything. The Holy Spirit will show me as I ask.
From the place of identifying with the ego mind, it is very hard to remember that my story of Myron is just a story and that none of it is real. But every time I notice a thought that is not in alignment with truth and allow that thought to be healed, I loosen my hold on that false identity of Myron. The darkness recedes a little and there is more light in my mind. I begin to see.