VI. Judgment and the Authority Problem, P 11
11 There is no one who does not feel that he is imprisoned in some way. If this is the result of his own free will he must regard his will as not free, or the circular reasoning in this position would be quite apparent. Free will must lead to freedom. Judgment always imprisons because it separates segments of reality by the unstable scales of desire. Wishes are not facts. To wish is to imply that willing is not sufficient. Yet no one in his right mind believes that what is wished is as real as what is willed. Instead of “Seek ye first the Kingdom of Heaven” say, “Will ye first the Kingdom of Heaven,” and you have said, “I know what I am and I accept my own inheritance.”
I was thinking about how this all comes together. How do I imprison myself through judging, wishing, and desiring? Here is the thought that came to me. A while back my sister in law had surgery and there were complications. I worried, which is judgment. I judged the situation as bad, with the potential to be worse.
My judgment scares me and I tend to project blame. Thoughts of blame came into my mind such as the doctors should have seen the problem sooner; my sister in law should have acted sooner; I should have done something differently. Through these thoughts, I imprisoned myself with my judgment. I was afraid and guilt was driving my emotions. I was not at peace, and I was not helpful in this situation. I felt trapped in my ego mind.
I wished (desired) she would get better. This wish implied that I was afraid she would not get better. Wish is such a tentative term. It holds no conviction. When I hear myself say I wish I could do better, I know I really mean, “I don’t believe I can do better.” Or, “I think I should do better but I don’t believe I will, and if I do, it is pretty much by accident.” A wish imprisons me within the very thing I hope to escape. It holds me captive through its irresolution.
Which way lies my freedom? I gladly put away my judgment, for starters. I give it to the Holy Spirit, Who knows what to do with it. I have no basis on which to judge. I don’t know what anything is for, what anything means. As I surrender my desire to judge, my mind clears and I know this one thing; we are all innocent. No. I know two things. We are all innocent and the Son of God is not victim to the world.
I give my wishes to the Holy Spirit and accept a miracle in their place. I will for truth to assert itself in my mind. I give up the wish for healing, instead willing first the Kingdom of Heaven, knowing that within the Kingdom there is only health. I rejoice this morning that I have slipped the bonds of imprisonment as I turned from the ego mind and placed my faith in my Self. I know what I am and I accept my own inheritance.
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