V. Beyond Perception, P 2
2 Since the separation, the words “create” and “make” have become confused. When you make something, you do so out of a specific sense of lack or need. Anything made for a specific purpose has no true generalizability. When you make something to fill a perceived lack, you are tacitly implying that you believe in separation. The ego has invented many ingenious thought systems for this purpose. None of them is creative. Inventiveness is wasted effort even in its most ingenious form. The highly specific nature of invention is not worthy of the abstract creativity of God’s creations.
What stands out to me in this paragraph is that when I make something it is always out of the belief in lack. I think I need something and this implies separation. When I know who I am I will know there is no lack. There is nothing I could need because I have everything. Obviously, though I am learning differently, I still believe in separation. I still believe I need some things. This will be true for as long as I believe in this bodily identity. For instance, I will need to eat.
So how do I apply this idea now? The first thing that comes to mind is that it is not helpful to try to stop thinking “need” thoughts. I think I need a paycheck next week. I am not going to try to suppress this thought. I cannot stop thinking I need a paycheck. I can, however, realize that paychecks are something that we made to fill a perceived need.
When I think about needing the paycheck it is because I think that if I don’t get one I will not be able to survive. I need it to eat. I need it to buy clothes, pay my mortgage, buy gas for my car, which I need so I can get from one place to another. All of these needs are based on ideas I made to support the idea of separation.
I made the need. I made the solution. But no matter how many needs I solve, and no matter how clever I am in doing so, I will always make another need and conceive of another solution. I will never be satisfied. I will never feel safe. I will never feel full. This is because I still believe in lack and loss. The very act of trying to fill that emptiness reinforces the feeling of lack.
So here I am, in this world I made for the purpose of fulfilling a need so great and so deep that I cannot allow my mind to remember the source of this need. I will not make this need go away by filling the hole with more things I make up for that purpose. I will not fill it by thinking of more ingenious thought systems. I will not stop the desire to do this by trying to control this impulse through a separate will, no matter how strong I’ve trained that will to be.
What seems to be working for me is to notice the feelings of neediness. For instance, yesterday I noticed that periodically during the day I would want to be with my kids. I would think of one of them and wonder if they were home from work yet and if I should invite myself over. I examined that feeling and realized it was not coming from love, but from neediness. I thought I needed them to fill the hole in my heart.
I asked Holy Spirit to help me see this differently. I realized that it had to do with the Conference. While I was there I felt a sense of oneness because we were gathered for a single purpose. Now that I am home the feeling of joining was missing. I mistook the hugs and smiles and joy (which were symbols of the feeling of oneness) for Oneness. So I was trying to make a replacement for that feeling by being with my kids and getting the hugs and smiles back.
Of course the solution was not to avoid my children. The solution was to ask the Holy Spirit to correct my perception, to heal my mind of the belief that I lack anything. I cannot be separate from love and separate from oneness. I cannot replace love and oneness by placing myself in close proximity to special people chosen for that purpose.
The Holy Spirit is helping me to remember that I could not be alone. I am part of a whole. That whole is available to me at all times if I do not block it from my awareness through the desire to be separate. A little thing that I am doing that is helping me to remember is this; when I feel lonely I remind myself that loneliness is impossible.
I am surrounded by all that is. My angels and guides, my brothers and sisters in and out of body are all around me all the time. I don’t remember how to feel them, but if I want their presence known to me, they can help me with that. They can make their love known to me. So far what has happened is that when I ask for this reminder, I simply no longer feel lonely or alone. It is a subtle but sweet difference.
Anytime I feel needy and have the desire to fill that need with anything other than God’s Love, I ask the Holy Spirit to heal my mind. I accept that healing to the best of my ability at this time and know that the desire to remember the truth will bring the truth forward in my mind in perfect timing.