V. Beyond Perception, P 3
3 Knowing, as we have already observed, does not lead to doing. The confusion between your real creation and what you have made of yourself is so profound that it has become literally impossible for you to know anything. Knowledge is always stable, and it is quite evident that you are not. Nevertheless, you are perfectly stable as God created you. In this sense, when your behavior is unstable, you are disagreeing with God’s idea of your creation. You can do this if you choose, but you would hardly want to do it if you were in your right mind.
The first thing I had to do to really understand this was to become aware of my instability. As I thought about this the word that came to mind was honesty. In the Manual for Teachers there is a section on honesty. In part it says:
“The term actually means consistency. There is nothing you say that contradicts what you think or do; no thought opposes any other thought; no act belies your word; and no word lacks agreement with another. Such are the truly honest. At no level are they in conflict with themselves. Therefore it is impossible for them to be in conflict with anyone or anything.”
I notice that I am closer now to being honest than I used to be. That means I am closer to being the self that God created. (Not that I could actually be anything else, but I am closer to accepting my self as God created me.) But as yet, I am still not honest.
I am not the judgmental person I used to be and yet I judge often. I notice judgmental thoughts in my mind, but instead of instantly believing them I question these thoughts and sooner, or maybe later, let them go. When I remember who I am there will be no temptation to believe judgmental thoughts.
I am learning that pain and suffering and death are not real. Sometimes when I am in pain I remind myself of the truth and the pain fades away. Sometimes when I am in pain I take a pain pill. Sometimes when I am in emotional pain I ask for clarity and the pain subsides or is transformed into joy. Sometimes I ride that train to the end of the line and wallow in self pity for awhile before I finally give it up.
I will be loving, kind and generous to one person, and judgmental, angry or maybe just indifferent to another person, as if one is more or less than another. Making one person special over another is dishonest. I am beginning to see how unstable my thinking and my behavior is and so I see why it is that I don’t know anything, but only perceive.
I am obviously still confused and so am in constant battle with God over my identity. God created me whole and I see myself as separate and different from others. God created me perfect, and I demonstrate daily my imperfections. God created me stable, honest, and all knowing, and there is apparently not one thing I am willing to absolutely know.
The thought that comes to me as I consider this is that there is great value in becoming aware of how unstable my mind is. The other thought is that it will not be helpful to try to change how I think or to control my behavior. This is not healing, but rather an attempt to use self-will to camouflage the belief in my mind. The solution is the Holy Spirit. Now that I am aware of the problem, I give it to the Holy Spirit for correction.
When I notice behavior or thinking that is out of accord with the truth, I put it on the altar. I offer it as a gift to God trusting He knows what to do with it. I accept His answer. In this one way I am becoming consistent. I practice this over and over and am learning to do so with patience and love and without guilt no matter how ugly the thought, or how often I must return with the same thought.
I trust that one day my perceptions will be corrected. One day I will know and there will be no more questions, no more doubts. This will be done, not through my efforts, but according to my desire. God will take that step for me.