ACIM Chapter 9. VII. The Two Evaluations. P 3, 4

ACIM Chapter 9. VII. The Two Evaluations. P 3, 4

VII. The Two Evaluations, P 3

3 It is perfectly obvious that if the Holy Spirit looks with love on all He perceives, He looks with love on you. His evaluation of you is based on His knowledge of what you are, and so He evaluates you truly. And this evaluation must be in your mind, because He is. The ego is also in your mind, because you have accepted it there. Its evaluation of you, however, is the exact opposite of the Holy Spirit’s, because the ego does not love you. It is unaware of what you are, and wholly mistrustful of everything it perceives because its perceptions are so shifting. The ego is therefore capable of suspiciousness at best and viciousness at worst. That is its range. It cannot exceed it because of its uncertainty. And it can never go beyond it because it can never be certain.

Now that I have spent some years observing this phenomenon, it seems very clear to me which voice I listen to at any one time. I am aware of thoughts in my mind that are clearly ego-based. And thoughts that I know come from my holy Self. I also have thoughts I am unsure of, as I am sure many people do. Thoughts that are not clearly ego or Spirit. It is especially confusing if I have a horse in the race. That is, if I want a particular thing to be true.

One thing that I am certain of is that I can gain clarity if I really want it.

I ask the Holy Spirit for His interpretation. Then I quiet my mind for a moment in preparation for receiving it. If I don’t feel an answer right away, I simply wait for it. The answer will show up. Sometimes, it comes through someone else or through a book. Sometimes, it just bubbles up at a perfect time. I have a thought, and I know that thought is the truth and that it did not come from the ego mind.

I have also experienced the ego at its most vicious. There are two times this seems to happen. Sometimes, I will start paying attention to the ego. Before you know it, I am drowning in ego thoughts, and I don’t know which way is up. This is when the ego can get vicious. It has my full attention, and I feel vulnerable to its worst thoughts.

The other time it happens is when I have been doing really well. Studying the Course, practicing what I study, and really living it. I am consciously and deliberately turning from the ego and focusing my attention on the Voice for God. Then I suddenly feel depressed or enraged, or I get sick. It is the ego response to the loss of my attention. The ego is the part of the mind that does not want to awaken from the dream. So it will throw up roadblocks to keep me involved.

Sometimes the ego feels threatened by my spiritual growth.

Those are the times it is most vicious in its response. An advantage I have is that I have seen it all before. I have been doing this for a long time, and while I can become temporarily confused and even temporarily afraid of my confusion, I never completely believe it anymore. So, I am much calmer about it now, and that helps me to reach clarity again much faster.

I understand now that the ego has no power over me. The ego did not make me; I made it. It cannot prevail against me. I used to think that sometimes I would fall into an ego storm, but now I realize it takes my active cooperation. I generally hide that from myself, but the truth is, I don’t slip unawares into my ego; I jump into the storm. Coming to my senses, I simply step out of it.

I do this by asking the Holy Spirit to help me see.

For instance, one day, I became frustrated about my work. It seemed that time was getting away from me, and I couldn’t see how to get everything done. I felt my peace and happiness slipping away. So, I stopped and asked the Holy Spirit to help me see it differently. I remembered that there is only one problem and that one problem isn’t a lack of time. The one problem is the belief that I am separate from God. That problem has been solved. This seeming problem with time is just an echo of the past belief that there are many problems that I must solve.

I remembered that the world with all its problems is just an image I have made. I no longer have a problem because it has been solved. Thus there is no longer a need for me to make these images. They are no longer valid. I sat while this truth penetrated my heart and felt peace return as I allowed my mind to hear the Holy Spirit’s evaluation of me. I am whole and complete and need nothing because I am God’s holy Son, His beloved Son. The Holy Spirit reminded me that I am not ego. I am, with my brothers, the Christ.

VII. The Two Evaluations, P 4

4 You, then, have two conflicting evaluations of yourself in your mind, and they cannot both be true. You do not yet realize how completely different these evaluations are, because you do not understand how lofty the Holy Spirit’s perception of you really is. He is not deceived by anything you do, because He never forgets what you are. The ego is deceived by everything you do, especially when you respond to the Holy Spirit, because at such times its confusion increases. The ego is, therefore, particularly likely to attack you when you react lovingly, because it has evaluated you as unloving and you are going against its judgment. The ego will attack your motives as soon as they become clearly out of accord with its perception of you. This is when it will shift abruptly from suspiciousness to viciousness, since its uncertainty is increased. Yet it is surely pointless to attack in return. What can this mean except that you are agreeing with the ego’s evaluation of what you are?

Here is a time when my ego turned on me.

One day, I received some very nice compliments from someone, and they came at a perfect time. I had been doubting myself and feeling less than. When, right out of the blue, someone I never expected to encourage me did so in a most surprising way. I felt gratitude toward her. I took it as a gift from the Universe and was happy to have it.

The next morning, I woke up thinking that maybe I was too forthcoming. I was concerned that it would cost me in the end. Maybe the loving feeling I had toward this person was misplaced, and really, I have always been too trusting. I saw that this was a grievance, and I pulled myself together. I remembered that there was only one problem, and the solution was readily available to me. And so, I let this insanity go.

But I had to laugh when I read today’s paragraph.

So, just now, as I read that the ego is particularly likely to attack me when I react lovingly, I could see that it certainly does. It can be vicious in its attack. This whole paragraph shows the ego’s true colors. It is confused and afraid. It doesn’t understand anything. So it attacks blindly at anything that threatens its idea of reality in even small ways.

As I think about this, I understand completely because I have experienced this ego confusion and fear many times. I have seen myself lash out in anger simply because I felt threatened. Then, even when I was unsure of the threat. When I identify with the ego, I feel the ego’s reactions as if they were mine. So, I feel the fear and rage that comes with being uncertain. This makes me think I am angry, afraid, and uncertain.

But I am not the ego. As I turn from the ego idea of reality, the Voice for God reminds me of my true nature. This makes it easy to detach from that sad and fearful identity. It sometimes seems difficult, but the more I do it, the easier it becomes. The solution is right there in my mind, next to the problem. The miracle is instantaneous once I decide on it. Just like that, I went from suspicion back to gratitude, from fear to love.

To listen to Regina Dawn Akers’ teaching Letting Go of the Belief ‘I am bad’  Belief, CLICK HERE.