ACIM Chapter 11. V. The “Dynamics” of the Ego, P 7-9

ACIM Chapter 11. V. The “Dynamics” of the Ego, P 7-9

V. The “Dynamics” of the Ego, P 7

7 The ego always attacks on behalf of separation. Believing it has the power to do this it does nothing else, because its goal of autonomy is nothing else. The ego is totally confused about reality, but it does not lose sight of its goal. It is much more vigilant than you are, because it is perfectly certain of its purpose. You are confused because you do not recognize yours.

The ego is more vigilant than I am because it is perfectly certain of its purpose, and I am not. Well, I suppose this is true, but not nearly as much as it used to be. I still lose sight of my purpose and get caught up in some ego drama, but I don’t stay in it. I see that I have moved away from my goal instead of toward it, and I ask the Holy Spirit for help getting back on course.

It used to take a while for me to accept the help given me. This happened when I believed that it was important for me to be right and it was important for me to keep some ego belief. As Jesus has told us before, we believe that fear protects us, so sometimes I would cling to what caused this fear. I thought I needed to defend myself so I thought I needed the tools to do that, tools like projection and denial. Sometimes, it took me a while to realize what I was doing and why, but as soon as I did, I changed my mind and returned to trust.

It sounds funny to think that I need to aspire to be as vigilant as the ego.

But I see that the ego never gets confused about what it wants, what its goals are, and what matters to it. I want this for myself, this absolute certainty. I want to reach a place in my healing where I never confuse safety with defense, or neediness with love, or material possessions with abundance.

What I want to remember, always and in every circumstance, is that the peace of God is my goal. It is everything I want. I want to be as vigilant for my awakening as the ego is for the illusion. So, I practice every day, all day long, and even into the night as I ask the Holy Spirit to take my sleep and use it on behalf of my awakening. It’s working, too. I am so grateful! Having developed this vigilance and this consistent practice, I now seldom get caught in a story, and when I do, I change my mind immediately.

V. The “Dynamics” of the Ego, P 8

8 You must recognize that the last thing the ego wishes you to realize is that you are afraid of it. For if the ego could give rise to fear, it would diminish your independence and weaken your power. Yet its one claim to your allegiance is that it can give power to you. Without this belief you would not listen to it at all. How, then, can its existence continue if you realize that, by accepting it, you are belittling yourself and depriving yourself of power?

Here is what I have learned.

The ego’s claim that it empowers me is false. I look at my life with the Holy Spirit and see for myself how empty its promises are. If I look with eyes open to the truth, I see that when something goes wrong, the ego offers solutions that never work. Its solutions will always be either projection or denial, and neither solution will be helpful.

If I deny the problem, it sits in my mind, slowly building momentum, and then one day, when I least expect it, it explodes out of me, often at the worst possible time. If I project the problem onto someone else and see them as guilty, I only increase guilt in myself because, on some level, I know this is not right, and I know it is separation. Separation is not natural, and so when I engage in separation thinking, it causes anxiety. Projection teaches guilt, both to me and to others.

The reason the ego has fooled me in the past with its false promises of power is that both projection and denial are an attempt to distance myself from the problem. At first there is a sense of relief, and that makes me feel powerful. But the relief never lasts because I have healed nothing, and when the relief fades I feel worse because I have added to my already burdened heart with more guilt.

Here is an example from a past journal.

A co-worker failed to follow up on a project I had turned in. I felt anger rising in me as I realized the repercussions of her carelessness. This is the ego idea of power. Now that I made her guilty, I can see myself as blameless and a victim. I feel smarter than, more capable than. This is the ego power I have been given. Only it feels good for just a bit, and the problem remains, and I feel guilty for my attack on her. Thank goodness I did not verbalize the attack, or I would have felt even worse.

Given to the Holy Spirit instead, my true power is revealed to me. I remember that the peace of God is everything I want, and my mind is soothed. I remember that I asked the Holy Spirit to be my memory, to make my plans and my decisions. The sudden and unbidden question, “Whatever happened to that quote?” showed up because it needed to be asked.

I asked it, and now the situation is corrected. I am at peace, and the work is being done. It took no effort on my part. That is the power I want, not the ego sad excuse for power. Complete surrender is true power. Listening to the Voice that guides, comforts, and heals is true power. Accepting the Atonement is true power. Forgiveness is true power. True power leads to one solution because there is one problem. For just a moment there, I thought that my sister was my enemy. My choice for God reminded me that she is my self.

V. The “Dynamics” of the Ego, P 9

9 The ego can and does allow you to regard yourself as supercilious, unbelieving, “light-hearted,” distant, emotionally shallow, callous, uninvolved and even desperate, but not really afraid. Minimizing fear, but not its undoing, is the ego’s constant effort, and is indeed a skill at which it is very ingenious. How can it preach separation without upholding it through fear, and would you listen to it if you recognized this is what it is doing?

I see that the ego never alleviates fear, but only minimizes it. The ego solution will make me less fearful. That is the best I can hope for with ego as my guide through life. I have a problem with the floor in my sanctuary and it needs to be fixed. The problem is that it is going to cost more money than I have. Even when I have the money, it will require that I find someone capable and willing to do the job.

When I considered it with ego, the solutions I got were helpful in reducing my fear about this, but not in getting rid of the fear. The ego keeps me on edge; just when I think I have it under control, the ego brings up another problem, a possible problem, or some imagined future problem—anything to keep the story going, but not enough to overwhelm me to the point that I seek a better way, that I turn to a true Answer.

This ego tactic once worked on me.

After a long time of vigilant practice, I have discovered that I don’t have to settle for this kind of half-hearted, misleading “help.” Here is another example of how this works from a past journal. I got really worried when I was told how extensive the damage was and how much it was going to cost. I got more worried when I had trouble finding someone to do the work. But I have fallen out of the habit of consulting the ego mind for answers, so I asked the Holy Spirit to guide me.

The Holy Spirit didn’t advise me on home repairs. He reminded me of my purpose, and I remembered that the peace of God is everything I want. He reminded me that I am surrendered to God, and I let the fears and uncertainties go to Him. From this calm, peaceful state of mind, I thought to tell my brother what was going on. He said if I could be patient until he had time, he would come by and see what he could do.

He hasn’t had time yet, but I haven’t received any nudges from Spirit to do anything about it, so I wait. When I miss my sanctuary and think it should be finished, I remember that I must be wrong. If it were supposed to be finished now, it would be finished now. I remember that if I keep looking into the future for the day I can be happy, I will miss out on the present now, which is the only time I have. I remember that I don’t need anything in the world to be happy, that happiness is the result of a healed mind, not a repaired floor.

The difference in what I learn from ego as opposed to the Holy Spirit is clear.

When I brought my floor problem to the ego, it advised me to find a specialist but to be careful, or I would get cheated. It advised me to borrow money but warned me that it would delay my retirement to take on another debt. It told me that if I could get this done and quickly, I would be so happy. Some of the advice might work, but all of it was tinged with fear.

The Holy Spirit only sought to heal my mind, knowing it was my thoughts that were making me suffer. There is no fear in a healed mind, no impatience, no belief that if only the world were different happiness would be possible. The Holy Spirit never mentioned my floor but gave me peace the moment I opened to it. I will enjoy my new floor when it is done, and I will enjoy this anxiety-free moment as well.

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