ACIM VII. Distortions of Miracle Impulses, P 4, 5
ACIM Distortions of Miracle Impulses P 4, 5. This is a course in mind training.
VII. Distortions of Miracle Impulses, P 4
4 This is a course in mind training. All learning involves attention and study at some level. Some of the later parts of the course rest too heavily on these earlier sections not to require their careful study. You will also need them for preparation. Without this, you may become much too fearful of what is to come to make constructive use of it. However, as you study these earlier sections, you will begin to see some of the implications that will be amplified later on.
I used to wonder about the idea we read later in the Course, which says that “You need do nothing.” I soon realized that, indeed, we need do nothing to be who we really are. We are divine beings, children of God, and heirs to all that is God. That is a done deal and needs nothing from us. However, there is quite a bit of work we need to do to remember that this is true, to let go of all the ideas we have put in the place of truth. There is much we need to do to reach a state of full willingness to accept the truth.
A Spiral of Information
Jesus did a bang-up job of putting this Course together. He gave us an excellent text that begins with these very important chapters. I remember when I started reading the Text, I was absolutely intrigued by what I found here. But it seemed a bit disjointed. And seemed to be often jumping around from topic to topic right in the middle of a paragraph. Later it smoothed out and became beautiful to read.
However, now that I am going back and reading carefully from a fuller understanding, I see it differently. I realize that these first few chapters are giving us the basic information for the Course. One reason it didn’t always make sense to me is that I did not at first understand how it all comes together. Now I see that it is actually perfect. The Course is written in a kind of spiral of information. It comes back to the central ideas repeatedly, and each time goes deeper and adds more information.
As Jesus says, this is a course in mind training. My mind has been systematically trained to believe that everything my eyes are showing me is true and nothing else is true. I’ve been trained to believe that I am small and separate and very vulnerable. I have thought I must always be on the defense because it’s a matter of “me or them.”
Now with A Course in Miracles, everything I have ever believed is being turned upside down. My mind needs to be trained differently to accept and use what I am being given. Without this training, I will not be able to experience my life differently. And having glimpsed something better but not having access to it, I will be more confused and distressed than before.
Putting it to Work
I have been using A Course in Miracles for a long time now. But it has taken me quite a while to fully absorb what it says. It has taken even longer to put it to work in my life on a consistent basis. It took years to make what I have learned through the Course my single unified purpose. Using this information in my life, practicing it every single day in every circumstance without exception, is the way my life has changed. I have always been the Son of God, perfect, powerful, loving, and beloved. Now I am beginning to believe that and to act like it is true.
Doing this study of the Text, paragraph by paragraph, is so helpful to me. Sharing it with those who are also ready to wake up is even more helpful. It is helping me move more completely into the truth of who I am. Sometimes I cannot believe how lucky I am to have found this information. And then to have chosen to put it to work in my life. I think how easy it would have been those years ago to have missed this opportunity. Actually, considering the mess I was, it’s an obvious miracle that I did choose to study the Course.
My Script
But then, it could not have happened any other way. This is my story, my script. While it seems I am making it all happen, I am really just watching it unfold. And, at the same time, choosing how I feel about it. I don’t know why I bother to read fiction or watch movies. Life is the most extraordinary and interesting story out there. I can hardly wait to see what happens in the next moment. Whatever it is, I am learning to say yes to it. I am learning to trust the writer of the script. And to know that it is there to support my awakening. Or to let me continue to dream, whichever I choose. I am safe, and I am free.
VII. Distortions of Miracle Impulses, P 5
5 A solid foundation is necessary because of the confusion between fear and awe to which I have already referred, and which is often made. I have said that awe is inappropriate in connection with the Sons of God, because you should not experience awe in the presence of your equals. However, it was also emphasized that awe is proper in the Presence of your Creator. I have been careful to clarify my role in the Atonement without either over or understating it. I am also trying to do the same with yours. I have stressed that awe is not an appropriate reaction to me because of our inherent equality. Some of the later steps in this course, however, involve a more direct approach to God Himself. It would be unwise to start on these steps without careful preparation, or awe will be confused with fear, and the experience will be more traumatic than beatific. Healing is of God in the end. The means are being carefully explained to you. Revelation may occasionally reveal the end to you, but to reach it the means are needed.
Love and Gratitude for Jesus
Sigh. We are truly in a state of confusion. We need Jesus to explain to us our relationship with each other, with him, and with God. And that it is further necessary that he tell us the appropriate response to each. My brothers and I are equal in every way. Therefore it would be inappropriate that we look with awe at anyone. I look on certain of my brothers and sisters with deep gratitude because of their devotion to this work. And I look to some for guidance because they have stepped forward to a place I have not yet gone. But never is awe appropriate.
I think I now love Jesus more than I have ever loved him. Because now I understand that I am not to look with awe at him. Like most folks with a religious background, this came as a surprise to me. And I was, for a while, uncomfortable with this lack of “respect” for Jesus. I understand differently now. I love Jesus because he is my brother. And I respect him and am grateful to him because he has gone before us and made the path clear. My gratitude to him for this is immense, but it is not awe. I am devoted to Jesus because he is devoted to me.
A Hidden Fear
I said that I love Jesus more now that I am not in awe of him. But I do still confuse awe with fear when I think of God. I have, through the study of the Course and the practice of it, uncovered a deep and abiding love for God. But there is still much fear covering that love. I can truthfully get in touch with that love only rarely. But kept my fear of God a secret from myself. For a long time, I insisted I didn’t understand all this talk about fear of God.
Then as I studied the Course, I understood the theory. I must fear God because I am still here when I could be with Him instead. I even understood the reason for the fear, the underlying unconscious guilt for my attack on God. I mean, who wouldn’t be afraid? We think we attacked God by withdrawing from Him and leaving Him less than He was. And then I realized I am still doing it. I do it every day as I see myself differently than He created me, as I choose ego over God. And yet, I didn’t feel a lot of fear. And this is uncomfortable for me to admit; I didn’t really feel love either.
Looking at the Guilt
Eventually, I realized that I was hiding the fear of God from myself because I just couldn’t face it. It was too horrifying to allow myself to see the fear of God and thus to look at my own perceived guilt. This is the reason I have become such an excellent projecting machine. I have learned to make all sorts of experiences the cause of my guilt. And nearly anybody can become the holder of my guilt. In fact, I am so good at this that the interchange is seamless and fools even me.
I began to look, really look, at my plan to avoid guilt and to avoid God. This has been done by doing the lessons and practicing what Jesus gave me through the Course. I allowed my willingness to grow and became more accepting of the truth. And so, I let more light into my darkened mind. I learned that accepting responsibility for everything was not the same as being guilty of it. This opened the door to more freedom to explore what actually happened and what I could do about it.
Accepting Responsibility
I have come a long way. Now I fully and without exception accept responsibility for the whole world. I did this, and it is I who must undo it. I am not guilty of it. And I have lots of help from my brothers, who have already gone before me. Though I am sometimes still confused about my guilt, I accept that as well. And am happy to see an opportunity to let more of it go. I also recognize that none of this is personal, and it is done for the whole. Personal is just another word for separation.
Something really big is happening now. Sorry, Jesus. I know there are no levels and no degrees. But I am sure you will forgive me for my distorted perception if you remember the first time this happened to you. I have been going deliberately toward God. In the past, I have been working on the blocks to Love’s presence and skirting God while I did it. Now I am asking to be brought before God. My friend did it first, and that helped push me over the invisible line I had drawn.
I Am Encouraged
I have had a taste, just the tiniest taste, of being in the presence of God. It feels like… well, what can I say? But definitely feels. It is all about feeling, and, oh my dear God, what a feeling! I wanted to stay in it so badly, but how could one function in the world in that state? Why would anyone even want to? And once I moved out of it, I wanted it back, but I also didn’t want it back.
I think that reluctance was the fear of God that still existed in my mind. After all, if I couldn’t continue to exist as before, wouldn’t that mean “I” would not exist? Common sense tells me that this is insane reasoning, but evidently, I wasn’t entirely interested in sanity. Probably it would be different now that so much more healing has occurred.
I am encouraged, though, with each bit of success, each rare moment of touching Love. I suspect that my experience is nothing compared to the real thing. A part of my mind longs so deeply for the experience. Sometimes I cry to think of not having it right now. I’m just waiting for the rest of my mind to catch up. Here is what Jesus tells us in this paragraph. “Revelation may occasionally reveal the end to you, but to reach it, the means are needed.” So I continue to do the work that will bring me to the end. And as I do, it gets easier and easier.
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