VII. The Totality of the Kingdom, P 3
3 You do not need God’s blessing because that you have forever, but you do need yours. The ego’s picture of you is deprived, unloving and vulnerable. You cannot love this. Yet you can very easily escape from this image by leaving it behind. You are not there and that is not you. Do not see this picture in anyone, or you have accepted it as you. All illusions about the Sonship are dispelled together as they were made together. Teach no one that he is what you would not want to be. Your brother is the mirror in which you see the image of yourself as long as perception lasts. And perception will last until the Sonship knows itself as whole. You made perception and it must last as long as you want it.
I have noticed that as I allow my mind to be healed, I tend to experience the effects of my beliefs more quickly and clearly. I think that this is because I am open to seeing this now, and I want to be healed so I am shown what needs healing, and I see it without delay. It seems to be all about the level of my willingness. I get what I want and to the degree I want it.
For the last couple of weeks I have experienced a lot of inner conflict. I have felt like I’ve been walking backwards on this path, and that I cannot seem to turn myself around. It has been very frustrating. I never go all the way back. In other words, I might be judgmental, but I never think that the judgment is justified. But after being mostly free of the desire to judge for awhile now, it feels depressing to pick that back up even though I know this is just some ego stuff coming back up so that I can master my desire to let go of judgment.
I have been asking Holy Spirit to help me see the source of this problem and this morning as I read our paragraph of the day, I realized that I have been judging someone in my life without realizing that I was doing so. I judge this person, and since judgment is not discreet, I judge others and I judge myself. Judgment is like a virus. It spreads quickly and indiscriminately.
I didn’t realize I was judging at first because it was not obvious. I seemed to be simply noticing something that was true about her. Then this morning Holy Spirit helped me to see that this could not be true about her because it is not true about God, so I was judging her as less than God, or something other than God. The effect of this judgment is that I began to see myself in this way. I see her has sick and I see myself as sick, because I cannot believe about myself what I am unwilling to believe about my sister.
Suddenly it is very clear to me that I have been judging my perception as true. My perception is just a way of seeing. Because my perception is projected as images into the world, I seem to be right. The proof seems to be right in front of my eyes and so my perception appears to prove itself to me. I have another option, though. Now that I remember that what I see represents a perception that I chose to believe, I could now ask for and receive a healed perception from Holy Spirit.
One of the blocks to my acceptance has been the ego thought that no matter how I choose to see this problem, it is unlikely to change. This morning, I see that my reasoning is faulty. My part in this is to remember the truth. I can do this whether I see a change in the images or not. What is not God is not true. This is all I need to remember.
Sickness, fear, anger, guilt, suffering, and death are not true and never will be regardless of appearances. I cannot make them true, but as long as I believe in them, my life will reflect them as if they are true. And if I believe these things about someone else, I will not be able to see myself free of them.
I am ready to turn around now. The world will remain a reflection of faulty perception as long as I value that perception. And perception will last as long as I want perception. My job right this moment is to allow my perception to be healed. The next step of giving up perception all together will unfold in perfect timing according to our willingness. For today, I am willing to know the truth rather than to believe in the images of faulty perception. I feel lighter and freer already.