VI. From Vigilance to Peace, P 10
10 You can be perceived with meaning only by the Holy Spirit because your being is the knowledge of God. Any belief you accept apart from this will obscure God’s Voice in you, and will therefore obscure God to you. Unless you perceive His creation truly you cannot know the Creator, since God and His creation are not separate. The oneness of the Creator and the creation is your wholeness, your sanity and your limitless power. This limitless power is God’s gift to you, because it is what you are. If you dissociate your mind from it you are perceiving the most powerful force in the universe as if it were weak, because you do not believe you are part of it.
God created me like Himself, with limitless power. Limitless power! I had to read this paragraph over and over. I just wasn’t understanding it and of course that means I just didn’t believe it because it is not hard to understand. I was created one with God and that oneness is my wholeness, my sanity, my limitless power. The reason I had trouble with this paragraph is that I have dissociated myself from this truth.
This means that I am pretending to be separate from God and from my power. I am pretending that this is even possible. I am pretending that it is possible to perceive the most powerful force in the universe as if it is weak. It is the only way I could have this separation experience. Now that I am waking up from this nightmare, I am beginning to remember some things about my Self.
Right now my experience includes pain, both physical and emotional. This pain seems to prove that I have no power, and yet Jesus says that I have limitless power. He has made it clear that I return to my natural state by letting go of what I taught myself in order to experience separation. I do this by becoming aware of my thought errors and agreeing to have them corrected.
It seems very simple but as I sit here in pain, it seems impossible. I would be discouraged except that I have done this before. It always seems hard when I sit on the fence, teetering toward ego, then toward spirit, putting off the inevitable decision. I will, in the end, choose God because of who I am, because perception is not knowledge and because I am known.
The Holy Spirit provides all the help I need to make the decision to fall into God. I have the Course. I have teachers and guides and angels. I have mighty companions. I have books and prayers and processes. I have experienced success in the past and these successes have built one on another until I am almost convinced that I am what I am.
So I sit here in pain and I know the pain is not real. The pain in my body is not real and the pain in my heart is not real. It can’t be real because it is not part of God and I am in God no matter what my crazy dream tells me. How can I absolutely know this and still experience the opposite? It is because I still see value in pain.
This morning I was guided to listen to a guided meditation by Nouk Sanchez. It reminded me that there is no pain or sickness or loss that is greater than the power of God. This gift was just another way that the Holy Spirit is helping me to remember the truth and to remind me that I want the truth. My desire for an experience other than reality is the only cause of my pain, and the decision to choose otherwise is the only cure.