What has not been forgiven in others, has not been forgiven in you. But not by a God who sits outside of you, for He never judges. What you have not forgiven in another or in the world is but a reflection of what you carry within yourself.
What I learned from this lesson
This is a good day for me to consider this. I seem to be going around judging everyone and everything. I didn’t like the hotel room I got Monday night or the one I got last night. You would have thought the world was conspiring to make me miserable, that hotel clerks all over Louisiana got together and decided to deprive me of the room that would make me happy. And hotel rooms are just one thing I have been judging. The effect of all this judging is that I have been feeling tired and unhappy. It requires a lot of energy and pretty much all of my joy to hold a grievance against so many people and so many things.
One thing I know for sure is that there is something within myself that I am refusing to forgive. Maybe it is something I have already stopped doing, but never forgave myself for. Or maybe it is something I still do and when I see it in another, it triggers fear. I simply am afraid to see this in myself. But what could this have to do with hotel rooms? Well, I think it has to do with judging. I look at the room and see what is wanting and feel put upon. I judged it as bad and the rules I set up say if you get a bad hotel room you feel upset and look around for someone to blame; the hotel chain, the clerk, my job, whatever, as long as I don’t have to take responsibility.
I think that so many judgments are bubbling up in me because I said that I wanted to give up judging. Now I have all types of judgments to look at and decide if I really want them, or if I might be willing to see things differently. What if I simply discerned that this room does not have a desk and so I have to work with my computer on my lap? I could discern that this is awkward. It is not a judgment until I decide this is bad. With that judgment comes anger and frustration. I wonder if I could just forgive myself for all this judging, and decide to simply use it when it comes up to see what it is within me that I need to release. It is really interesting to see how different it feels when I choose to look with discernment and notice where the judgment begins. It is so much easier to let go of judgment when I do it that way.
I was being very judgmental of one of our drivers because he did not do a delivery the way I asked him to. I was angry and called in a complaint. As it turns out the driver did exactly what the customer requested. I’m glad I didn’t complain too harshly. Why did I jump into judgment like that? Could I be seeing within myself those times when I only half listen and so get a job wrong and then get into trouble about it? Jeshua reminds us that it takes one to know one. He says:“Do you think you would even be able to judge another if there was not something within you being elicited that triggers within you the belief that you know exactly what that other one is up to? That is why you judge them.”
All this judging is wearing me out. I think it would be worth my while to pay attention to those judgmental thoughts as they come up and to ask for help in seeing clearly. I am ready to forgive myself for my guilty thoughts, past and present. I am ready to forgive myself for the projections I have placed on others. I am entirely ready to lay down the heavy burden of unforgiveness I have been carrying around these last couple of days.
All quotes are used by kind permission of the Shanti Christo Foundation. To buy a copy of this profound book visit their website at www.shantichristo.com. I invite your thoughts and comments.