Lesson 205

LESSON 205

I am not a body. I am free.

For I am still as God created me.

1 (185) I want the peace of God.

The peace of God is everything I want. The peace of God is my one goal; the aim of all my living here, the end I seek, my purpose and my function and my life, while I abide where I am not at home.

I am not a body. I am free.

For I am still as God created me.

 

Journal

This is absolutely my favorite lesson. I keep it taped at the bottom of my computer screen and on my phone. I think about it when I am upset or disgruntled about something. Do I want someone to call me? Or do I want the peace of God. Do I want to lose weight or do I want the peace of God? Whatever it is I think I want in the world is just a weak attempt to be at peace. Why not just let life unfold as it is going to anyway and accept the peace of God right now as it unfolds?

Regina’s Tips

What is it that your mind thinks you want? What are your dreams? Why do you want those dreams? Spend time inquiring into your dreams to find what they represent for you. Do you really want that thing or circumstance, the object of your dream, or do you actually seek the peace of God?

My Thoughts

I did as Regina suggested. What is it that my mind thinks it wants When I got to the root of those desires I saw that I dream of awakening, of being loved, of being successful at living my purpose in this life. I took these into meditation and asked for purification of those dreams. I know that what I really want, what they represent for me is the peace of God.

Past Entries

This is my favorite passage in the book, The peace of God is everything I want  I remind myself of this often and when I am upset for any reason, I remember that the peace of God is everything I want. There is no room for anything else in that statement. I don’t want to have more money, be a different size, have a friend, live in a different place, never suffer the loss of a loved one, and have the peace of God. I want the peace of God.

I used to think that I was being asked to sacrifice those other things, but what I discovered is that those other things were my attempt to reach the peace of God. They always failed because getting is not the path to peace. When I make the peace of God my only goal, I am peaceful no matter what happens in my life.

2015

Oh my! I do love that prayer. Every year I love it more because every year I embrace it more fully. Yesterday was a hot, busy day that lasted a very long time. And yet, it was a peaceful day in which I chose to notice my thoughts without judgment, to relinquish the ones that were not true and to accept the Atonement for them all. There was still some of the drama of the day before going on at work, and I dabbled in it a bit, but my taste for it was gone.

I drove many miles, I worked all day in the heat, I got caught in rush hour traffic in Baton Rouge, and I didn’t get home until nearly 9:00 pm. But I was not overly tired and I was not stressed. I was peaceful because I chose peace every time I could. I remembered that the peace of God is my one goal. What a different experience it is when that happens.

I am going to include past entries from my journal here because they continue the story from yesterday, and because I think they could be helpful.

A past entry: I want the peace of God. I understand that peace is a decision in my mind and is independent of what happens in the world. As I continue my daily practice of vigilance for ego thinking and remain willing to see differently, I root out every thought that disrupts my peace. This sounds so very simple as I write about it, and indeed it is simple. It is not, however, always easy for me to do.

Sometimes I can simply change my mind and it is done. Other times I change my mind, then change it back, the change it again. Sometimes this goes on for a while. I am not sure why I resist in certain areas. Here is something that Regina Dawn Akers told me when I asked for help when I was stuck in my story.

“If you believe all of this insanity, you are a part of it. We can’t be helpful by believing the thought system that is the problem. My recommendation is that you look at your obstacles now, and let everything else (the story in form) just be.”

It can be difficult to see the obstacles when I am so focused on the story. It was really helpful for Regina to point them out to me. Once she did, and after I followed her advice, the obstacles were obvious, like one of those pictures where you have to squint your eyes just right to see the picture within the picture, but once you see it you can’t miss it. Regina has no trouble seeing the truth because she doesn’t believe my story so she looks right through it to the truth.

The first thing I do is ask the Holy Spirit to help me see differently, but sometimes I am so caught up in the story that I am unwilling to hear His answer. If Regina were unavailable and if I couldn’t find anyone else to help me see differently I could go at it from a more oblique angle. This is when Byron Katie’s Work comes in handy. Katie says that I am going to act on what I believe and I cannot do otherwise so it becomes important that I question my beliefs when they are hurting me.

The Work is a good process for me because it is so simple and organized and so appeals to my nature. It is also a meditative process in which I go within for answers. Within is my Holy Spirit and this is where I am ultimately going whether it is in prayer or asking for help from Regina or another right-minded person. Within is not inside the body of Myron or the individualized mind I identify as me. It is within the mind that is all of us; it is what we are. So it doesn’t matter if the answer seems to come from Regina or someone else because there is only one mind and one Holy Spirit.

I thought I was through working with yesterday’s problem until I was telling my friend about it over supper and realized that I felt like crying again. Sigh. So I went back to my hotel room and cried awhile. Then I asked Holy Spirit why I was still crying. The thought came into my mind that I had hurt my daughter… again. Then many of the other parenting errors I had made in my life came flooding in and I saw the source of my upset. I also realized that as long as I believe that I hurt her I would be sad. Of course, I would be sad.

Here is how I use the Work to question my beliefs so that I can see differently. My belief is that marrying that man all those years ago is the cause of my daughter’s pain today. So that you can understand my process better I will give you a little background. It turned out that he was schizophrenic. After a number of years, I divorced him because he became more violent and less willing to do anything to help himself.

He does not seem to be violent these days, but he is not healthy mentally or physically and is becoming less and less able to take care of himself. He has moved to where my daughter lives and she feels responsible for him and unable to turn her back on his needs. Unfortunately, she does not have the means to take care of him and so she is very upset.

That is my story, but I don’t want to get lost in the story because it isn’t helpful. I will let the story be and look at my beliefs, one of which is that I think I am the cause of my daughter’s pain. If only I had not married this man she would have a normal dad and this would not be happening to her. (This story seems to stand as a symbol for all the mistakes I have ever made as a parent, but I will use just this one right now.)

The first question in The Work is, is that true? Is it true that I am responsible for how Susan feels?

I know right away that isn’t true. It is hard, though, to let go of the idea that I am.

The next question: How do I feel when I believe this?

I feel terrible. I feel guilty and selfish. My stomach hurts. I want to quickly fix this so that I don’t stand accused of ruining my daughter’s life.

How do I feel when I drop my story of being responsible and just look at what is happening?

This is the hardest part of The Work. When I am really caught in the story I find it difficult to imagine life without the story. As I close my eyes and go within I ask the Holy Spirit for an answer. It is like a fog clears from my mind and I see that without my story of guilt I feel like I did five minutes before I knew about the situation. I feel fine. I feel guiltless and happy. Without my story of guilt, I see my daughter and her father doing their relationship dance, learning new steps as they each find a way to be with each other in these new circumstances.

Turn it around.

I am not responsible for how my daughter feels and I am not guilty.

Give three examples of how that is as true or truer than my original statement.

1.When I married that man I was just living my story. I am not guilty for that. It is what we are all doing.
2. My daughter and her father are now living their story. They have the same Holy Spirit that I do and will work this out. It is not an impossible situation with no solution. It is what it is and however, it looks it is rich in opportunities to awaken. This is true for me and for them as well.
3. I am not responsible for ruining anyone’s life. They are living the life they want and need for their awakening just as I am. Seen from another angle, I understand why it is that Regina said that this is not personal. We are one mind and the error is in that mind. Our individual lives simply act out that error. I love that as I learn my lessons in this individual life I contribute to the healing of that error in our one mind.

The ego likes the drama better than it likes The Work and thoughts of guilt float through my mind now, but I don’t believe them anymore, so I am not grabbing hold of them. They float in and then float out.

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