Lesson 20

Lesson 20

I am determined to see.

We have been quite casual about our practice periods thus far. There has been virtually no attempt to direct the time for undertaking them, minimal effort has been required, and not even active cooperation and interest have been asked. This approach has been intentional, and very carefully planned. We have not lost sight of the crucial importance of the reversal of your thinking. The salvation of the world depends on it. Yet you will not see if you regard yourself as being coerced, and if you give in to resentment and opposition.

This is our first attempt to introduce structure. Do not misconstrue it as an effort to exert force or pressure. You want salvation. You want to be happy. You want peace. You do not have them now, because your mind is totally undisciplined, and you cannot distinguish between joy and sorrow, pleasure and pain, love and fear. You are now learning how to tell them apart. And great indeed will be your reward.

Your decision to see is all that vision requires. What you want is yours. Do not mistake the little effort that is asked of you for an indication that our goal is of little worth. Can the salvation of the world be a trivial purpose? And can the world be saved if you are not? God has one Son, and he is the resurrection and the life. His will is done because all power is given him in Heaven and on earth. In your determination to see is vision given you.

The exercises for today consist in reminding yourself throughout the day that you want to see. Today’s idea also tacitly implies the recognition that you do not see now. Therefore, as you repeat the idea, you are stating that you are determined to change your present state for a better one, and one you really want.

Repeat today’s idea slowly and positively at least twice an hour today, attempting to do so every half hour. Do not be distressed if you forget to do so, but make a real effort to remember. The extra repetitions should be applied to any situation, person or event that upsets you. You can see them differently, and you will. What you desire you will see. Such is the real law of cause and effect as it operates in the world.

 

Journal

“What you desire you will see. Such is the real law of cause and effect as it operates in the world.”

Absolutely everything I do as I practice A Course in Miracles, including this lesson, is to open my mind to what I really want and to decide to have it. This is so very simple and while it used to feel very hard at times, it now feels much easier. I might get bogged down in an ego story for a little while, but I have so many ways to bring me back to sanity that the insanity is brief for the most part.

I now recognize the ego and I know that the ego can be the cause of my distress or it can be the way out of my distress. It is up to me. If there is an ego thought in my mind, I can accept it as if I have no choice and suffer for believing it. Or I can deny what is clearly not true regardless of the apparent effects of that belief and watch everything change.

I recognize that I want to be happy and I want to be free. I used to be confused about that to the point that I didn’t recognize happiness or freedom. I believed that competitive little ego self of mine when it said that being right and winning was happiness. I believed it when it said that making decisions on my own was freedom.

I have so much more confidence in my ability to choose again what I want, and in the power of my thoughts to bring me joy as easily as it has brought me pain. I have much more confidence in myself as God created me than I used to. While it is not complete confidence, it is enough to sweep me forward on this path and make my way smoother and easier.

I don’t see today’s practice as a burden. I look forward to it because I am determined to see. I want to open my spiritual eye and see the world in a different light. I want never to close it to the truth again. In a moment of confusion yesterday, I asked for help in seeing and I received my answer. I am awakening, no doubt about it, and I am helping others to awaken. I am a teacher of God. Whatever thoughts deny this can only be meaningless and of no interest to me. I am determined to see the truth.

PS: A couple of days ago I awoke to pain in my lower back. That is the illusion. The truth is that pain is not real. For these two days I have been thinking as if pain could be real, but as I read this lesson again, I am reminded that I am determined to see. I see that for whatever reason, I have projected an image of pain, and I see that I am now unwilling to believe in that image. Whether the pain disappears from my mind or not, I am free of the belief that it is now or ever has been real. Thank you, Holy Spirit.

Regina’s Tips

As NTI Ephesians has taught, when we cast our attention on a thought that has been received, it is activated by spirit, sent out into the oneness for manifestation, and it comes back too. We always receive what we cast attention upon. Casting attention is wanting, and we always get what we want.

So with today’s workbook lesson, we are taking beginning steps toward casting our attention differently. Today we practice once every half-hour casting our attention on the idea, “I am determined to see.” When our attention is on this thought with our whole heart, whole mind and whole soul … when this is the only channel we watch… we will see. We have to, because getting what we want is the nature of what we are. We always get what we want; we are already free.

My Thoughts

I absolutely believe this is true. It reminds me of Lesson 152 The power of decision is my own that tells us this: Nothing occurs but represents your wish, and nothing is omitted that you choose. Here is your world, complete in all details. Here is its whole reality for you. We choose, we decide, and we always get what we want. And as Regina says, we can use these lessons to practice deciding to want to wake up. I am determined to see. How often will I remember these words? How strong is my desire? How whole-hearted? If it is not complete, I will continue the practice until seeing is all that I want.

Another Tip

I think this from Regina is interesting and helpful. I have never thought of the Kingdom is within in this way. It makes the Kingdom feel much more accessible.

I’d like to comment on something from the Alan Watts audio, “The Spiritual Journey as the Self.” In the audio, Alan Watts points out that dreaming and awakeness are simultaneous. The ego-centric consciousness that experiences the dream is at the surface of consciousness. It is a form of consciousness, but not the totality of consciousness. At the same time that this form of consciousness experiences the dream, awake-consciousness exists as itself without a dream.

This is why Jesus said, “The kingdom of Heaven is within.” The ego-centric consciousness is at the surface of consciousness, experiencing the dream, like the waves of the ocean are at the surface of the ocean experiencing the weather, but when you go within and get to the bottom of the limited ego-centric consciousness, you reach its edge. This would be like diving deep into the ocean and getting to the point where the day’s weather has no more effect; you can no longer tell if it is a sunny day or stormy day, because the sea at this level is unaffected.

When you go beyond the edge of ego-centric consciousness, you cross a threshold. That is figuratively the ego’s death. Beyond that threshold, you find present awakeness. This awakeness is not found by moving forward in time to the day when you are finally awake, but by going deeper into the present where awakeness already is.

Past Entries

Lesson 20 is another one of those pivotal points in the Course. It is a declaration of my intention to become fully awake. I am determined to see. I have set my goal and turned my footsteps in the direction of salvation. And what must I do to succeed at this lofty goal of saving the world? Today I must remember that this is what I want. I know from past experience that, as simple as this is, it is easy to “forget” because there has always been resistance to success, even though I say I want it.

My message from Holy Spirit

Holy Spirit: Yes, Myron, you have been resistant, but never have you been so ready as you are now. Do not judge what may appear as failure this day. Each time you notice that you forgot to remember that you are determined to see, just say to yourself, “Oh, I forgot to do my lesson, but I am determined to see.” This will be the truth, and each time you do this you will know it more completely. Myron, all of Heaven appreciates the effort you are making today.

Me: Thank you that I can hear Your Voice more clearly than I could before. Thank you for helping me with my part in the salvation of the world. I invite you into my mind and ask that you correct the errors in my thinking.

Distinguishing Between Joy and Sorrow, Pleasure and Pain, Love and Fear

I cannot distinguish between joy and sorrow, pleasure and pain, love and fear. What a strange idea that was to me. How could that be true, I wondered? I didn’t think too much about it when I first read it because I wasn’t ready to see the obvious. Here are examples that I am aware of now.

I thought it would make me joyful if my children would be interested in A Course in Miracles. Now I think it would make me joyful if I accept my children are doing exactly what they need to be doing right now.

I thought that my worry about my children and others in my life was the inevitable result of loving them. Now I understand that it is just fear and has nothing to do with love. Love trusts and is certain. Knowing the truth in spite of appearances is love expressed. Worrying is fear expressed.

When I was younger I used sex and drugs to numb the pain and I called it pleasure. Now I know that love, peace, being of service, appreciation, acceptance, surrender, forgiveness, vigilance, trust, gentleness, kindness, gratitude, knowing what I am, knowing who I am, remembering, awakening; this is what feels like pleasure to me now.

Asking to See a Situation Differently

Yesterday something happened that was helpful because I saw with ego and then I chose to see differently. It was hard at first, but I was determined and so my mind shifted from anger and resentment to peace. It seemed a small thing in the world, but the truth is, yesterday I did my part as the savior of the world.

Here is what happened. I went to the dealership to get the oil changed in my car. I had two warning lights on and so I thought it was good that it was time for the oil change. They could check out the lights, too. After I left, I saw the lights were still on. I was so mad about that. Couldn’t they see the lights? Why didn’t they at least say something about them?

One of the reasons I was so angry is that I have to take off work to go there and it always takes them a long time to get things done so I don’t want to lose a lot of work time again. Also, they have been careless with my stuff before and I don’t really trust them. The reason I go back is that the oil changes are free. So when I noticed the lights were still on I spent about an hour wrestling with the idea that they were incompetent and I was going to make a stink about this. I even called the service manager but he didn’t call me back, and that was just fuel on the fire.

Of course, I came to my senses eventually. I knew I was seeing this with my ego mind and I began to ask for help to see differently. Here is what I began to realize. The world is a mirror. It only shows me what I believe to be true. There must be in me a belief that I am unfairly treated, and it must be that this is the belief I want to see represented as my life. Also, my distrust makes me afraid. How do I protect myself against my enemy?

As Jesus said in a previous lesson, the thought always comes first. It looked like I was reacting to the incompetency of the dealership, but the belief that I can be unfairly treated came first. The fearful thought that I am vulnerable and a victim came first. The situation at the dealership is the story that was projected to give me what I wanted to experience. It was the proof I wanted so I could believe in what I had already decided on. When the light bulb finally came on and I saw this, I was grateful.

First, it helped me decide, once again, that the peace of God is everything I want. And secondly, by making it clear that this is the belief that I can be unfairly treated and the belief that I am a victim, I realized how very tired I am of those sorry and useless thoughts. I said, very firmly, that I don’t want them anymore. I am asking the Holy Spirit to help me notice today any tendency that I have to embrace these unhelpful and untrue thoughts. I want to see differently. I am determined to see differently.