Lesson 191 Year 2020

Lesson 191

I am the holy Son of God Himself.

Here is your declaration of release from bondage of the world. And here as well is all the world released. You do not see what you have done by giving to the world the role of jailer to the Son of God. What could it be but vicious and afraid, fearful of shadows, punitive and wild, lacking all reason, blind, insane with hate?

What have you done that this should be your world? What have you done that this is what you see? Deny your own Identity, and this is what remains. You look on chaos and proclaim it is yourself. There is no sight that fails to witness this to you. There is no sound that does not speak of frailty within you and without; no breath you draw that does not seem to bring you nearer death; no hope you hold but will dissolve in tears.

Deny your own Identity, and you will not escape the madness which induced this weird, unnatural and ghostly thought that mocks creation and that laughs at God. Deny your own Identity, and you assail the universe alone, without a friend, a tiny particle of dust against the legions of your enemies. Deny your own Identity, and look on evil, sin and death, and watch despair snatch from your fingers every scrap of hope, leaving you nothing but the wish to die.

Yet what is it except a game you play in which Identity can be denied? You are as God created you. All else but this one thing is folly to believe. In this one thought is everyone set free. In this one truth are all illusions gone. In this one fact is sinlessness proclaimed to be forever part of everything, the central core of its existence and its guarantee of immortality.

But let today’s idea find a place among your thoughts and you have risen far above the world, and all the worldly thoughts that hold it prisoner. And from this place of safety and escape you will return and set it free. For he who can accept his true Identity is truly saved. And his salvation is the gift he gives to everyone, in gratitude to Him Who pointed out the way to happiness that changed his whole perspective of the world.

One holy thought like this and you are free: You are the holy Son of God Himself. And with this holy thought you learn as well that you have freed the world. You have no need to use it cruelly, and then perceive this savage need in it. You set it free of your imprisonment. You will not see a devastating image of yourself walking the world in terror, with the world twisting in agony because your fears have laid the mark of death upon its heart.

Be glad today how very easily is hell undone. You need but tell yourself:

I am the holy Son of God Himself. I cannot suffer, 
cannot be in pain; I cannot suffer loss, nor fail to do 
all that salvation asks.

And in that thought is everything you look on wholly changed.

A miracle has lighted up all dark and ancient caverns, where the rites of death echoed since time began. For time has lost its hold upon the world. The Son of God has come in glory to redeem the lost, to save the helpless, and to give the world the gift of his forgiveness. Who could see the world as dark and sinful, when God’s Son has come again at last to set it free?

You who perceive yourself as weak and frail, with futile hopes and devastated dreams, born but to die, to weep and suffer pain, hear this: All power is given unto you in earth and Heaven. There is nothing that you cannot do. You play the game of death, of being helpless, pitifully tied to dissolution in a world which shows no mercy to you. Yet when you accord it mercy, will its mercy shine on you.

Then let the Son of God awaken from his sleep, and opening his holy eyes, return again to bless the world he made. In error it began, but it will end in the reflection of his holiness. And he will sleep no more and dream of death. Then join with me today. Your glory is the light that saves the world. Do not withhold salvation longer. Look about the world, and see the suffering there. Is not your heart willing to bring your weary brothers rest?

They must await your own release. They stay in chains till you are free. They cannot see the mercy of the world until you find it in yourself. They suffer pain until you have denied its hold on you. They die till you accept your own eternal life. You are the holy Son of God Himself. Remember this, and all the world is free. Remember this, and earth and Heaven are one.

INITIAL INSIGHT: Jesus is pretty dramatic here as he describes what it is like to live in denial. I’m convinced so I don’t feel the need to spend too much time on this part. This following says it all for me.

“You are as God created you. All else but this one thing is folly to believe. In this one thought is everyone set free.” 

I believe I am as God created me. I can still slip into the ego again because we made this world for that purpose and it requires a great deal of effort to pull free of it. But that is our purpose, and I’m glad to be doing it. Jesus asks us to remember this, to remind ourselves of it:

“I am the holy Son of God Himself. I cannot suffer, cannot be in pain; I cannot suffer loss, nor fail to do all that salvation asks.”

I remind myself and then I notice those times when I seem to have forgotten it, when I feel fear or guilt, when I believe in suffering and death. When that happens, I remind myself of my true Identity again, and I sit in silence and allow myself to be healed.

It is absolutely essential that we do this, and not just because it makes us happier. In her notes, Helen said that Jesus told her that this was being given to her because we needed a celestial speed up, that humanity is going in the wrong direction. We are in trouble and it is up to any of us who are ready for an awakening to do what is needed. As Jesus often says, we do this for all of us. In this lesson he says this:

“Do not withhold salvation longer. Look about the world, and see the suffering there. Is not your heart willing to bring your weary brothers rest?”

DAILY APPLICATION: The following is a compilation of past journal entries. At each entry, I am describing my feelings and my process which has led me to where I am now.

2007: Lately, I have had moments of shining clarity, and I have been as much frightened by them as I have been astonished. The last time I did this was yesterday, and I observed myself in the process. I had clarity and then it was gone. It was all pretty quick, but I noticed intense fear before I pushed it back into the part of my mind I pretend is not there. I immediately regretted my choice and wanted it back, but it is as if it had not happened. I could not even remember what it was about. I ended the day very tired, with a headache and all sorts of physical symptoms.

I had a different experience the other day. I had listened to a meditation CD that seems to be the trigger of the moments of clarity I have been experiencing. When I first listened, I was in such joy and peace I can still smile when I think of it. Normally, by the end of the day, I can be very tired, or at least my mind is kaput.

This day I was energized and going full force in both body and mind until I went to sleep. I was joyous even into the next day. It was very clear to me that my exhaustion is an effect of wrong-minded thinking rather than on what I have done during the day. My brain does not automatically shut off after a certain number of hours as it has seemed, it just gets tired of all the conflicting thoughts, and wrong-minded thinking.

What I got from the meditation proved to me that I can be in a state of peace and joy. I can go around with a smile on my face that circumstances cannot erase. I am so elated to have experienced this and I am encouraged to continue this work until this becomes my natural state instead of a brief respite from the ego world I made and mostly inhabit.

My message from Holy Spirit

Me: I was trying to be quiet and listen for Your thoughts, but was feeling the pull of time. I know I need to get to work. I attempted to give You the time and to trust that You would arrange it for me, but then my mind would go to thoughts of what I need to do at work. This often happens and it is very frustrating.

Holy Spirit: Precious one, you said that your mind went to thoughts. Your mind does not go anywhere you do not send it.

Me: Ah yes, I forgot, didn’t I? It is such a habit to think that life just happens to me and that it is always being done to me by some guilty son of a gun. Ha!

Holy Spirit: Yes, this is so. You have experienced times when you allowed Me to arrange time for you, and you have experienced times when you wanted to be in charge. Either way is ok. Do not make yourself guilty because you chose one way over the other. Simply look at how each choice felt and decide what you want. Myron, it is not a matter of trust for you, because you have had proof that I am able and willing to do this for you. It is simply a decision you make about what you want.

All day, every day, you make choices about which teacher you want to follow. This is no different and is no bigger or more important. It is just another chance for you to practice choosing Me rather than the ego. You get better and better at it each time you do it. Soon, you will do it automatically. Remember, you choose your experience by which voice you choose to hear. You are perfectly free, and can choose the ego voice if you want to, you holy child of God, but do you want that experience? Hear Me; I offer you a different experience.

My message to Holy Spirit

Oh yes, I want to hear Your Voice all day today. I look forward to a day of practice even more than I have before. I have seen that my life is happier because of the practice, but now I have had a glimpse of what it can be. I’ve got to tell you the motivation factor has really gone up!

2009: These last few lessons have touched me so deeply that I read them with tears of joy in my eyes. But I noticed something interesting this morning. As I read about the world I made, and as I read that I can awaken from this world, I knew it was true. Then I felt fear. As I looked at the thoughts in my mind I saw that the ego was saying that this cannot happen. It went something like this:

You can’t wake up. This is something that happens to people like Eckhart Tolle. Name one person you actually know who has awakened. You can’t awaken before Regina and she hasn’t awakened yet. If she hasn’t done it yet, how can you?

And those were just some of the thoughts that I allowed myself to be aware of. There was a fear below that. The thoughts around that fear are buried too deeply for me to be consciously aware of them. Here is the thing; if I had not been watching my thoughts so vigilantly I would not have noticed this. I would simply have felt a fear very briefly, so briefly that it went unacknowledged, then I would have pushed it away and replaced it with some bliss ninny thought about the joy of awakening. And I would be no closer to actual awakening.

2010: Something is happening. I have absolutely no doubt that I will awaken. But I see that I am going to be working with this awhile. As I go through my day, I notice the concepts the ego holds dear and they pile up so quickly that I start to think I can’t breathe. Then I hear that small Voice reminding me that if I feel panicked or overwhelmed then it is because I am trying to use the ego part of my mind to heal the ego part of my mind. I have to laugh because this is absurd and will never work.

Once the ego starts trying to take over it doesn’t like to let go, but I rest in God for a moment as I allow my right mind to reassert itself. The operative word here is “allow.” I am beginning to see that my part is simple and easy. I desire. I am willing. I accept. I allow. I rest. Oh my, the ego is truly panicked at this. It wants to get up and do something and tries everything to move me to action.

Yesterday I noticed that I suddenly felt anxious. When I followed the feeling to the cause I saw it was this ego need to do something trying to assert itself. It was that part of my mind saying that I should be worried about all these crazy ego thoughts. I should think about this and try to stop them. Surely there is some process I can use to drop some of these thoughts and replace them with truer thoughts. Don’t just stand there, do something! I have work to do. I am not going to wake up just standing around feeling peaceful. I am losing control.

As I listen to these thoughts, I feel my level of anxiety rise, but I never completely lose my detachment either. So, I sit for a moment and just allow them to be. Then I remember Lesson 189 and I think to myself, “I lay aside all thoughts of what I am and what God is, all concepts I have learned about the world; all images I have made about myself.” And I know I mean this. I know I am willing to do this. Clarity dawns and I realize that the anxiety was just the ego clinging to control, clinging to self.

2011: The ego would use pain in the body to draw me back into hopelessness. I can take my eye off the “proof” the ego shows me that I am not God’s Son and, instead, allow the truth to flood my mind. Why should I choose to believe an illusion of body and an illusion of pain rather than believing the Voice for God? The pain did not appear on its own. The part of my mind that is afraid to leave its hiding place, that is afraid to face God, is the source of the pain. The body cannot produce this sensation, I had to call for it.

I forgive myself my fear and my feeble attempts to protect myself from imagined danger. Holy Spirit, thank you for helping me to see this more clearly. I give you all the willingness I have to let go of the belief that I am evil and that God would punish me if he could find me. I give you the belief that I am guilty and that guilt demands punishment. Please heal my mind.

2014: Stuff still comes up and I still forgive it. I am mastering my decision to awaken and will do so until that shift that propels me into an awakened state. I am happier and more peaceful than I have ever been in my life and even when I have moments of temporary insanity, I am also listening to Spirit and accepting the Atonement for the situation.

In some ways I am still doing what I have been doing since I began this process, but in another way, it is entirely different. There is a certainty of purpose and dedication that wavered in the past, and there is no conscious fear as there has been up until now. I am also patient now, not frantic with the need. When I read the parts of the Course that talk about what I really am and how much God loves me, I do long for the return to the Kingdom. However, I trust my soul to direct my journey.

2015: Part of the Awakening process seems to be letting go (forgiving) as many ego beliefs as possible. I have been doing this for the last few weeks. Well, this is what I do, but in the last few weeks, I have been doing it a lot! Last night I was feeling really tired and blue. It was kind of a “last straw” event that got to me.

I was not able to go home last night because I haven’t finished my work for the week, and I desperately needed a haircut because my hair is a mess and I have a conference next week. I have difficult hair and usually, when I have a good hairdresser I stick with him, so I was nervous about going to a stranger but didn’t see what else to do. So, I got my hair cut and I really don’t like it.

And as we all know a bad haircut is reason for panic and a serious bout of depression. ~smile~ That got me to thinking about my car window being broken and costing me $350 to fix it. And my chest pain episode and all that wound up costing me. And everything changing at work since we lost our sales manager, and the distress this has caused the team.

The more I thought about all this the more I got discouraged. It seemed like nothing is working in my life. And that thought made me stop and ask Holy Spirit to show me what He wants me to see. The word that came to me was “loss.” All of these things that were out of balance were a form of loss. I lost my hairdresser and my good haircut. I lost money and time, my sales manager, and the smooth-running department I had come to depend on.

I thought about Lesson 325 that tells us how we use our mind to populate the illusion with people and experiences that we want. I began with the belief in loss, and then I made an image that expressed that belief and projected outward where I experienced it as if it were real. And then I just kept doing it. What am I supposed to do with this now? I see how it feels to believe in loss and I remember that this cannot be the truth.

Today’s Lesson is very helpful because it reminds me of why it is not the truth. I am the holy Son of God Himself. Could I possibly experience loss unless I wanted to do so? Even then it is only an experience of an impossible thing. I remain whole and perfect in spite of the dream of loss that I am having right now.

Be glad today how very easily is hell undone. You need but tell yourself:

I am the holy Son of God Himself. I cannot suffer,
cannot be in pain; I cannot suffer loss, nor fail to do
all that salvation asks.

And in that thought is everything you look on wholly changed.

I woke up ready to see the world differently. I anticipate a new perception of the world I see as my prayer is answered. I am not being tortured by loss, I am merely looking at the belief in loss and choosing to see that it cannot be true and is not true. I am just forgiving the world and thus restoring the Sonship to its natural state of Wholeness.

2016: In order to have this experience of separation, I had to deny my true identity. The holy Son of God could not experience separation and all its effects. The only way I could do this is to pretend to be something I am not. So, I denied my Self and became my self for a while. Now it is time for me to remember what I am, and to reclaim my identity. In this lifetime I have been undoing what I have done, a step at a time. I am using the instruction book that Jesus provided.

I am waking up from the dream of separation as I do so, to remember that I am the holy Son of God. The difference between Myron and the Son of God is so vast that it is no wonder that it is taking time to accomplish. The thinking mind cannot take it in. Probably the most important thing I have done is to accept that I cannot do this alone. I can only come to desire awakening, but the healing itself is accomplished through me, not by me.

I ask for healing, and to the degree I truly desire that healing, the Holy Spirit does this for me. I have learned to step back once I have accomplished my part and let the rest be done for me. When I become discouraged with myself and think I cannot do this I look to those who have already succeeded. For instance. I look at Cate and I think, “Cate did it, so I can do it. She is proof it is possible.” That is very helpful.

2018: It seems very simple to me. I am Spirit, a Son of God and everything else I identify with is an illusion and cannot be what I am. I am ready and willing to let go of that ego personal self-identity. I am ready to accept my true self. I am doing all that I can to dissolve those blocks to loves awareness. I am stepping forward and accepting that what shows up in my life is the result of what I call to me. I am a creator even in my miscreations.

I think the most important thing I have learned over the years is that the only thing that matters is love. The more love I extend, the more my heart opens to love. As love becomes my greatest desire, I feel it coming to me as I also feel it extending from me.  I can say with certainty now that the truest thing about me is that I am love.

The other day, I read from Regina’s website this advice: Be enlightened now. That is what I am doing. Earlier today something happened to knock me temporarily off balance. The first thought in my mind was to be enlightened now and so I asked, “How would I respond to this moment if I was enlightened now?” This clarified things for me and the moment passed easily and lovingly. So this is what I am doing. I am being enlightened…  moment by moment.

2019: This was the year that all this work shifted me in a profound way. Oh, let me rephrase it. I had done a lot of work and that cleared my mind enough to realize that I wanted to awaken and that it is possible. I asked for awakening. I released the belief in guilt and while the ego tries to interest me in guilt all the time, I seldom accept its “gift.” Releasing that belief as I did changed everything for me.

So, the shift happened, not because I did anything to make it happen. If I had any part in it, it was to prepare myself for it. Nothing disturbed my peace and everything was delightful no matter it might have seemed like a problem in the past. There was a lot of joy without apparent cause. It was very heady, but only a first step.

2020: That initial experience of joy can still be here, but it is mostly a calmness and peacefulness and love. It is very hard to describe the difference but now I know that I am not this body even though the body continues its stories. I just watch and notice which stories still interest me and let my mind be purified further when the stories are not peaceful and loving.

It feels so easy for the most part because there is so much more light in the mind that I don’t get confused about what matters and what is real as opposed to that which is unreal. So, I notice what I still believe that is not true and release it and that hasn’t changed; it is just so much easier. The ego hasn’t gone away but I don’t go down the rabbit hole anymore. I look forward to seeing what comes next.

GRATITUDE: Of course, I am grateful!


We have spent several days focusing on awareness-life-presence. Awareness-life-presence is our essence. It is the essence of all things.

Today’s lesson asks us to take one step beyond focusing on awareness-life-presence. It asks us to claim awareness-life-presence as our identity. We are to claim our essence as what we are.

The lesson tells us that the cause of all problems is the denial of our true identity. In other words, the cause of all problems is identifying with thought. You can see that’s true, if you want to. Look back at your memory. Every time you have acted mean or unjust with another person, it was because you identified with the thoughts that were in your mind at the time. If the thoughts said, “She’s lying to me,” you reacted as if your friend was a liar. Etcetera.

Because identifying with thought is the cause of all problems, identifying with awareness-life-presence is the answer to all problems.

How do you know if you are identified with thought or awareness-life-presence?

You know which you are identified with by how you give attention and how you act.

Today’s lesson calls identifying with thought “a game you play in which Identity can be denied.” And then it says, “You play the game of death, of being helpless, pitifully tied to dissolution in a world which shows no mercy to you. Yet when you accord it mercy, will its mercy shine on you.”

The last line of that paragraph reminds me of the Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” The highest interpretation of that rule is to live from your identity as awareness-life-presence. Or, as we said in lesson 187, be enlightened now.

There is a big difference in the way identification with thought acts and the way identification with awareness-life-presence acts. For example, let’s imagine that a friend asks me a question, and I answer truthfully, but my answer isn’t what she believes. She becomes angry and says, “You are a liar!”

At this point, defense thoughts are likely to be triggered in my mind. If I am identified with thought, I will say whatever the defense thoughts are telling me to say. If I am identified with awareness-life-presence, I will silently watch the show of defense that is happening in the mind, but I will remain in my seat as the watcher. Those words will not pass my lips. I also will not give them the energy of belief and agreement. I will stay seated within as watcher, merely observing and waiting for this temporary energy to pass.

The lesson says, “Look about the world, and see the suffering there. Is not your heart willing to bring your weary brothers to rest?” The lesson could also ask, “Are you ready to rest? Are you ready for the peace of God?”

Focusing on awareness-life-presence is an important first step, but we fall short of living our truth if we continue to speak and act from identification with thought. It is time to go beyond simply focusing on essence. It is time to live from it. Live as it. Living as awareness-life-presence is embracing truth and accepting it as what we are.


The realization that everything begins with a thought and that living from ignorant belief in my thoughts was the cause of my suffering was a real game-changer. Now I don’t hesitate to question my thoughts. If they are not bringing me peace, I don’t believe them and have no use for them.

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