Lesson 150.

My mind holds only what I think with God.

“I will accept Atonement for myself.”

“Only salvation can be said to cure.”

REVIEW

I have learned through my personal experience over years of practicing the Course that everything rides on my decisions. I decide on a thing and it is as I decide. It took a while to realize this because it took a while to make a decision. Until then, I would decide for God and then decide for ego or sometimes the decisions almost seemed simultaneous. This bouncing back and forth between ego and God made a chaotic life in which nothing was clear.

Slowly, I began to understand my problem and I became more vigilant for my thoughts, more certain that I wanted only God. As my choice for God became more consistent, my life became less chaotic which only makes sense as my life is a reflection of my thoughts. I began to feel a stronger desire to awaken because I began to believe it could happen.

My desire to awaken was not at first consistent because I didn’t totally believe in myself. I often made the mistake of looking at my life to see how I was progressing on the path to awakening and that is a mistake. My life shows me where my thinking errors are but it doesn’t reflect my spiritual progress. Nothing does except my willingness to do so and that willingness was growing stronger every day.

One day, I decided that I didn’t want to live with the burden of past guilt that I had carried around all my life and my decision led to its release. This healing shifted everything for me. I think of it as creating more light in my mind so that I could see clearly. The next big shift occurred when I realized that I must choose to awaken. I received a message that encouraged me to let go of my doubts and to step into my awakening.

The following entries from my journal occurred at different times along my path but both were helpful to me in making that first shift onto the spectrum of what we often call awakening. This incremental shifting is a very gentle and loving way to awaken to our true selves and I am so very grateful to Jesus for this. I now understand that my continuing deepening of this process is perfect and perfectly timed for me. I am fully surrendered to it knowing that I don’t know what needs to happen or what anything, and I mean anything, means or what it is for. This not knowing and not needing to know, this absolute trust is the most freeing thing that has ever happened to me.

2014
How interesting! I was watching a vid of John Mark Stroud last night and he was talking about this very thing. He played a recording of Jeshua through Paul Tuttle that said the same thing. John said we are sitting in a closet and asking someone to open the door for us. Jesus is saying, “You have the key on your side! Just open the door and come on out!”

When the Holy Spirit first gave me this message, I didn’t truly believe it was possible but was willing to believe in it. Now I know it is possible and I am more frustrated than ever because I don’t understand why I am still sitting in the closet, key in hand. Jesus, what’s going on with me? The thought in my mind is that I still have things to undo and that is why I am not awake.

Jesus: Your ego mind is grasping at excuses to stay in the closet where it feels cramped, but also where it feels safe. There is nothing to fear in awakening. John was right that we don’t want to hurt you, we only want you to come out and play. Do you remember yesterday when you had the thought of expansion and it scared you? That was the ego-mind that was scared. You are not the ego. You can ignore anything coming from the ego. Let me be very clear about this. You can wake up right now. In fact, NOW is the only time you can wake up. Right now. Nothing is holding you back except your fear of coming out of the closet. I assure you that there is nothing to fear. We want you to come out. There is nothing else for you to do to prepare.

2016

I have had some intense lessons lately and when in the process of going through them, I have felt like I am so far from waking up that I might never get there. Even after the experience, I have a residual feeling of not being ready. In fact, this morning I noticed that when I decided on the day I would have I started to add, as I sometimes do, that today I would wake up. But I could feel no conviction in the words. So, I chose other things I would have be true for today.

I know this feeling will fade so I am not concerned. Then I read this previous message from Jesus and it was like he was talking to me this morning. Thank you for the reminder Brother. I still don’t feel confident in this thought, but now I am going to use the Rules for Decision to undo the last of the forgiveness lessons I have been experiencing, including this one that says I am not yet worthy, or that there is still too much work to be done. How could that be true when I know that the only thing blocking the truth is a wrong belief, and beliefs can change in an instant.

And now

Clearly, it took me longer to realize that while I don’t wake myself up, my part was essential if I wanted to awaken without fear. The ego-mind still churns out thoughts and I use the same process I have always used to deal with them. I notice if I am attracted to any of them, and if I am, I release them to the Holy Spirit. When circumstances seem to pull at me and seem to be dragging me back into a story as if it is true, I decide against it. I decide to remain in joy. It is my decision to make and I do so with confidence and with certainty.

REGINA’S TIPS

My mind holds only what I think with God.

I will accept the Atonement for myself. The “will” in this sentence implies the future, as in ‘I am going to do this.’ I don’t feel to see it as a future endeavor. I accept the Atonement for myself now. As NTI Luke says, “Now is a very important time, for now is the only time that you can take any action that will make any difference. … Lay aside resistance now. Dismiss meaningless thoughts now. Focus on your willingness and nurture gratitude for being [now]. … The kingdom of God is within you now. Do not let yourself be distracted away from it.”

Only salvation can be said to cure. All problems are temporary. They shall have their end. And yet, every problem or difficulty will be replaced by another until we have transcended the belief in the body-mind as ‘me.’ Salvation is liberation from ignorance. Only salvation resolves all problems forever. With this realization, I am no longer distracted by thinking my happiness lies with some change or acquisition in the world. My focus is clear. I accept the Atonement for myself.

MY THOUGHTS

Like Regina, I came to understand that now is the only time I can accept the Atonement. I accept it now. When a thought error catches my attention and I want to linger over it, now is the time I accept the Atonement, right at that very moment. This practice has brought me far and continues to enlighten my mind.