How A Course in Miracles Helped Me Realize Loneliness Is an Illusion

I discovered loneliness is an illusion as I practiced A Course in Miracles. It was not through believing the words but using them until they became my experience.

How A Course in Miracles Helped Me Realize Loneliness Is an Illusion

I used to often feel lonely. This began to happen more often as I studied the Course, and I was confused about that. Jesus tells us that we are never alone, yet my experience told me differently. After a while, I realized that I was not lonelier than before. Instead, I was aware of loneliness because I was no longer using distraction to keep my mind off the effects of ego thinking. At least, I was not doing so as much as I used to.

It was like I was in a borderland between worlds. Sometimes I would look toward God and be exalted. At those times, there was no sense of loneliness. But other times, I would look toward the world of time and was lonely no matter who I was with. In Chapter 13, Jesus says: To “single out” is to “make alone,” and thus make lonely. (ACIM, T-13.III.12:1) While thinking with the ego mind, we single out; we see others as separate from and different than ourselves.

If I am with one other or a hundred others, I will feel separate and alone if I am doing so from the ego perspective. It took so long to recognize this because I convinced myself that having a body near me kept me from being alone. I suppose I fooled myself into believing this fantasy because I wasn’t willing to see it differently. But I gained and lost friends, married and divorced, and could never find that special person I thought would relieve me of the feeling of being alone.

Lonely on the Road

After my last divorce, it started dawning on me what was happening. I was still working then, and my job took me on the road every week. I often stayed in hotels and after doing this for over 20 years, I was really tired of feeling alone in those rooms. Several times I wished I could call my ex-husband and share my day with him. Then I would remember that even when I had done that, it had not relieved me of this feeling. With this realization, I began to seriously question special relationships and the idea that being in proximity of other bodies was the answer.

Eventually, I talked to the Holy Spirit about feeling alone. I told Him I wanted to feel like I wasn’t alone, to really feel that. For a long time, I thought He had not answered me, but He had. Sometimes, often really, our answer comes as experiences that show us what needs to be healed in our mind to achieve the state we are looking for. I don’t remember exactly how this unfolded because I didn’t realize I was being answered at the time. But here is what I learned.

³You can never be alone because the Source of all life goes with you wherever you go. (ACIM, W-41.4:3)

I wonder now how it could be that I ever thought I could be alone when I know that God goes with me wherever I go. Of course, this is true; how could it not be? I am in God, so how could we not be together? Only in the illusion of a world apart from God could the feeling of being alone arise. And only could this be my experience except that I chose it.

The good news is that having chosen to be alone, I could choose otherwise. I began by believing this was possible and graduated to having faith it was possible. Moving from belief to faith was an important step. Here is what I learned about this from Regina Dawn Akers when I studied her Gentle Healing course.

Direct experience is different from belief, and belief is different from faith.

As we have already seen, faith is important on the spiritual path. We cannot know the direct experience of what lies ahead of us. The fact that it “lies ahead” means it is not our experience yet. When we have faith in the direct experience of masters, we are motivated to continue this journey so we can find out for ourselves. Faith is a motivating factor.

However, belief has an opposite effect. Belief is intellectual. When we believe something is true, we do not have a driving motivation to find out. We think we know. Belief is a type of delusion where one pretends to know what he doesn’t know. Direct experience is the only means of knowing. It is firsthand experience.

If you want to read more of Regina’s Tips, here is the link.

When I first began to read A Course in Miracles, I had no reason to believe what it said. I had no direct experience of awakening. However, I did have faith. I had faith that I was reading the truth even though I had no reason to believe it. That’s what faith is. Still, if I had not had those direct experiences of mind healing as I went along, I would have given up on it and decided it wasn’t true after all. It is the direct experience that matters. I still move forward on my spiritual path, trusting that there is more but seeking that direct experience as proof.

Befriending Jesus

It was this faith that kept me looking for proof that I cannot be alone, no matter how it might seem. This passage in the Clarification of Terms helped me. ⁶It is possible to read his words and benefit from them without accepting him into your life. ⁷Yet he would help you yet a little more if you will share your pains and joys with him, and leave them both to find the peace of God. (ACIM, C-5.6:6-7) And so, I began to share my life with Jesus.

Now I talk to him all during the day, and he responds. I use words to speak to Jesus; he responds with thoughts, knowings, and with that, heretofore, elusive feeling of never being alone. I believed him when he said, ⁵Trust in my help, for I did not walk alone, and I will walk with you as our Father walked with me. ⁶ (ACIM, T-12.II.7:5-6). But more than belief, I had faith in him, and he answered that faith.

Union Through Forgiveness

Something else that Jesus tells us helped as well. ⁵You cannot hear the Voice for God in yourself alone, because you are not alone. (ACIM, T-9.II.6:5) While God’s Voice speaks to me all through the day, I cannot hear it well if I think it is for me alone. I had to open my mind to the truth that I am not a separate individual, but rather, I am part of a Whole. What is true of me is true of everyone without exception. If I continued to believe that I was part of God but that those who seemed to be mean and hateful were not, I would remain lost in my story of aloneness.

Fortunately, it is easy for me to see differently no matter what is happening in the world. I only need to forgive what is seen, and I don’t do this alone, either. ⁴The Holy Spirit in you forgives all things in you and in your brother. (ACIM, T-9.III.7:4) I forgive whatever I perceive in another, and it is forgiven in me simultaneously. What could be easier than that? And as I forgive the illusion of sin in both of us, all that will be left is Love. Now we are the same and so not separate at all. How could I be lonely when surrounded by aspects of myself and we all exist together in God?

Yes, God’s Voice speaks to us all through the day.

We are never alone. Even when we do not listen, His Voice is there. He created us as Love, and we are surrounded by our brothers who are Love. If we are unaware of this blessing, it is because we deny our perfect safety when we deny our brothers. When we judge someone, we deny the Love that surrounds us. This is a denial of God, Who is Love and the Source of Love. Denial of Love is the cause of our fear and aloneness. Acceptance of Love is the solution.

⁵“Behold his sinlessness, and be you healed.”

This is why I cannot hold a grievance. Holding a grievance obscures God’s promise of my perfect safety, perfect sinlessness. While I hold a grievance, I cannot know my own holiness because I deny my brother’s holiness. When a judgmental thought comes into my mind, I hasten to release it quickly. What God has given me cannot be absent, but my judgments will conceal it from my awareness.

Judgment = Separation = Lonliness

This morning, I was perfectly happy and at peace. Then I read something about a political situation in which I had a judgment. As I thought about the “enemy” that threatened my way of thinking, I felt the happiness and peace dissolve away to be replaced with fear and resentment. When this happened, it felt like I was alone and besieged by my enemies. It also reinforced the ego’s belief in the illusion as reality, leading directly to relentless suffering.

It all happened in seconds, and in the past, I might have moved on to the next thing without addressing it. But not anymore. I recognize now that these lapses into separation thinking are what keep the belief in aloneness in place. And the belief I could be alone is painful now that I have experienced a different way of living. I am so grateful to discover I have done this to myself and so can undo it.

Surrendering Into Happiness

I am reminded of a situation with a close family member. I went through a monumental struggle to see my dear one as sinless. It lasted for weeks and was the most painful experience. My mind was in constant conflict between what I perceived in the world and what I knew to be true in reality and in deciding which version I wanted to be true. Eventually, I (metaphorically) fell to my knees in surrender and was finally of one mind.

When I asked for the truth, everything changed in an instant. I saw his sinlessness, and I was healed. My mind was at peace, and the peace that I chose was then projected as an image that reflects that peace. My brother is sinless, and there are no exceptions to this truth because what makes the truth true is that there are no exceptions.

It used to seem hard sometimes to release a grievance. This was so because I thought I needed this defense mechanism for my protection. Over time, I discovered that God’s grace was all I needed to return Home, and I have that grace. Forgiveness is simply seeing the truth rather than the apparent illusion. It is knowing that the illusion is just an illusion. Now I am not interested in judgment or defense. I know they are an unnecessary burden, for I have all my brothers, and I have God!