Correcting A Self Image I Have Made
The self-image I made
Interestingly enough, I discovered through watching Barbie, of all things, that a major component of the self-image I made is one of being a failure. The monologue from Barbie says this in part: … you don’t think you’re good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow, we’re always doing it wrong.
When I heard that, I cried. So, I knew it was something for me to look at. Today, on my way home from the doctor’s office, I had a memory of something I did many years ago that still causes me to be embarrassed when I think of it. It was nothing really, but just an insignificant moment in my life when I felt like I behaved inappropriately. I was drinking and dancing. I felt like I was way too uninhibited in that dance. So even today, all these years later, I was still judging myself. It is so ridiculous and yet still true. It was just one of many moments that I knew I had done it wrong.
I did so many things wrong as a child, as a teenager, and as a mother. I seemed never to get it right. As a Course student, I still do it wrong. And from the perspective of the ego, it doesn’t seem to matter how well I do or how much better I am now than before; I am not perfect, and I still do it wrong. I am a failure. Thank God that I don’t always feel that way and that I do realize that no matter what my ego self believes, this cannot be true.
There is a way to correct this belief.
It is the ego-self, the self I made to be my avatar in this earth adventure, that I came to forgive, to let go. So, I am glad to see this particular aspect surface in my conscious awareness. How could I forgive it if I keep myself unaware of it? I cannot emphasize too strongly how important it is that I look at this. In Chapter 14, Section VII, Paragraph 6, Jesus says this:
The Holy Spirit asks of you but this; bring to Him every secret you have locked away from Him. ²Open every door to Him, and bid Him enter the darkness and lighten it away. ³At your request He enters gladly. ⁴He brings the light to darkness if you make the darkness open to Him. ⁵But what you hide He cannot look upon. ⁶He sees for you, and unless you look with Him He cannot see. ⁷The vision of Christ is not for Him alone, but for Him with you. ⁸Bring, therefore, all your dark and secret thoughts to Him, and look upon them with Him. ⁹He holds the light, and you the darkness. ¹⁰They cannot coexist when both of You together look on them. ¹¹His judgment must prevail, and He will give it to you as you join your perception to His. (ACIM, T-14.VII.6:1-11)
So this is what I did today, and it is what I continue to do every day, every time the thought of unworthiness surfaces in my mind. I do it with all the false beliefs that make up the image I think of as Myron. I will let them all go so that I can remember who I am.
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