II. The Atonement as Defense, P 2
2 True denial is a powerful protective device. You can and should deny any belief that error can hurt you. This kind of denial is not a concealment but a correction. Your right mind depends on it. Denial of error is a strong defense of truth, but denial of truth results in miscreation, the projections of the ego. In the service of the right mind the denial of error frees the mind, and re-establishes the freedom of the will. When the will is really free it cannot miscreate, because it recognizes only truth.
I used to be in denial about a lot of stuff. When I did something regrettable, I would push away the guilt I felt. I would push it out of my conscious awareness, or I would push it on to someone else, making it seem, on the surface, to be her or his fault. I might push it onto the circumstance, convincing myself what I did was unavoidable considering what happened, or maybe considering the way I was raised or things that happened to me in the past.
Of course, this doesn’t work. What ever I push away or down is still there. Guilt experienced out of my awareness is still guilt. Guilt given away is still with me because what I give is now more mine than before. In fact, it is made worse because now I have guilt for the original idea and guilt for trying to foist it on someone else, and I have reinforced the belief in guilt.
Regardless of how I choose to experience guilt, it is destructive. Judgment, which always comes before guilt is the building block of the illusion, and guilt, which always follows judgment, is the glue that holds the illusion in place. The illusion is the place I hide my guilt from God, and returning to God is my goal, so this kind of denial is counterproductive.
There is, however, a useful form of denial. When I notice that I feel guilty or fearful, or angry, jealous, sad, uncertain or doubtful, anything but joyous, I can deny this. I don’t deny I feel it. In fact, I allow the feeling, sitting in it for a moment, looking at it with the Holy Spirit. What I deny is that the feeling has a true cause. As I deny the authenticity of the feeling, I ask that my mind be healed of the false belief that triggered this feeling.
I was having some lower back and leg pain one day and I noticed that the mind was thinking of reasons for this pain. I overdid shopping, cooking, cleaning and entertaining. I need to turn my mattress. This happens periodically and it means it is time to see a chiropractor. I shouldn’t have lifted that heavy box. These ideas are the wrong use of denial. So then I used denial correctly and denied that any of these things causes physical pain.
These things are just where I project the cause using one or more of them to blame for my pain, and that used to work for me. In this way, I was trying to convince myself I was not responsible for what happens to me. I was a victim of circumstances or people who demanded too much of me. The problem is, this does not really work, but only seems to for awhile.
The truth is in my mind, though I deny it and pretend I don’t know that I but do this to myself. Because it is in my mind, I am left with a sense of anxiety that I don’t consciously identify, but that is discomforting. If I don’t allow myself to become fully aware, I have no way to correct the problem.
That day, what I did instead was to deny the mind’s projections. I know that nothing is outside my mind. This body is not outside my mind. The idea of pain is not outside my mind. The body is an image and the pain is a concept and all of it was of my own design. I am fully responsible for the belief in the body and in pain and I accept that responsibility without guilt. Now that I am fully aware, I can ask the Holy Spirit to come into my mind and undo what I have done.
This is as applicable to financial problems, relationship problems or anything else that I have previously used as a way to express the hidden, unconscious guilt that is in my mind. It is so simple that I can hardly believe it has taken this long to accept the truth. Jesus says in simple and easy to understand words that there is nothing outside my mind.
He says that the world I see is an illusion. He says that I but do this to myself. He says that I am not a body. He says that the Holy Spirit in my mind can easily undo all of these beliefs when I am ready, and asks me to allow this healing. He says I can do anything he asks of me. This is all just an error and he says that I can deny any belief that error can hurt me, and this is what I choose to do now.