I. The Last Step, P 5
5 I gave only love to the Kingdom because I believed that was what I was. What you believe you are determines your gifts, and if God created you by extending Himself as you, you can only extend yourself as He did. Only joy increases forever, since joy and eternity are inseparable. God extends outward beyond limits and beyond time, and you who are co-creator with Him extend His Kingdom forever and beyond limit. Eternity is the indelible stamp of creation. The eternal are in peace and joy forever.
I woke up at 3:00 and my mind was filled with ego fear thoughts. I don’t know why it is that sometimes, when I am tired usually, all the unhealed thoughts come up for me to look at. At first I felt a little of the old vulnerability as I started following the fear thoughts down the rabbit hole. But even in that half asleep state, I knew I didn’t want to go there.
I lay there asking for another way to see. I listen to the Course at night playing softly in my sleep and suddenly I focused on what was being said. He was talking about fear. I lay there and listened to the soothing and helpful words. At first there was a sense of struggle as the ego continued its litany of “what if” thoughts. I steadfastly refused to turn my attention back to the ego fear thoughts, and my willingness to hear the Voice for God won out.
I looked into my mind for the thoughts I think with God. I remembered that it is not God’s Will that I suffer. I remembered that the future does not exist and returned my mind to the present moment where all is as it should be. I lay here in this rather nice hotel room with the comforting words of Jesus softly filling the room. What else could I want right this moment? What is there to fear?
I can find fear thoughts only if I leave the moment and project myself into some imagined experience in an uncertain future. Why would I choose to do that? Right now, right this moment I am choosing love over fear and in so doing, I am healing the Sonship of the belief in fear. I am safe in God where I have always been and will always be. God loves me and I love Him. Ahh. The true thoughts are right there in my mind. Why choose to focus on the ego fear thoughts instead? No good reason.
Jesus gave only love because that was all he believed about himself. If I hold onto the belief in fear, the gift I have to share will be fear. I will share love sometimes, but at other times I will share fear, and what I give to others I give to myself. As I teach fear, I learn fear. Do you see the closed cycle?
There is a way out of it, though, and it begins with a little willingness. At one time, I had a little willingness to remember who I am, a little willingness to let go of my separate will. As I practiced that willingness it grew and it continues to grow. One day my desire to be only the love I am in truth will be so great, there will be no room for fear. This morning at three o’clock I made another decision for God and the day I know myself as only love got another step closer.