IV. This Need Not Be, P 6
6 Watch your mind for the temptations of the ego, and do not be deceived by it. It offers you nothing. When you have given up this voluntary dis-spiriting, you will see how your mind can focus and rise above fatigue and heal. Yet you are not sufficiently vigilant against the demands of the ego to disengage yourself. This need not be.
Over time I have been vigilant for the ego beliefs I still hold in my mind, and I am becoming more and more willing to let them go realizing they cannot be true. This has been quite a job! I keep finding layers and layers of belief. For instance, I have learned that I can do this writing in the mornings without worrying about the time. Jesus said he will take care of time for me and so I allow him to do so. It is such a relief not to be constantly watching the clock and worrying about time. The ego keeps trying to drag me back into the fear of time passing too quickly, but I remind myself that Jesus has got this.
Recently, I was worried about time because I was moving too slowly getting ready for work, getting distracted by things, many unimportant. I had the thought that I could give time to Jesus in this case as well, but didn’t do it. I felt that gentle tap on my shoulder and stopped to question my decision. Why not give all my time to Jesus and trust that it will be manipulated to my advantage?
As I watched my mind I saw that I felt like it would be wrong, because I could take care of this by myself if I just tried. I felt like I didn’t deserve help because I was goofing off. I felt like I deserved help while doing my writing because the work itself made me worthy. I questioned these thoughts and opened my mind to the Holy Spirit. He reminded me that I am not worthy because I do something and I am not unworthy because I do something else.
He asked me to imagine a world where I drifted through life without concern because I knew I belonged to God. I try to imagine that. I try to see myself looking at the clock and instead of being afraid, simply knowing that everything will work perfectly for me, not because I did something to deserve it, but because it is God’s Will that I be perfectly protected at all times. Could it be that I never have anything to fear unless I choose to believe in fear? Truly, am I volunteering to live in fear?
Living by the ego’s dictates is dispiriting. It wears me out and leaves me limp and listless at the end of the day, and that end comes earlier and earlier. I am willing to know that this need not be. As I wrote this the Holy Spirit spoke to me about another layer I had missed.
Holy Spirit: Dear one, you have heard Me when I spoke to you about fatigue and its cause. You understand that you become tired, not because the body wears out or because of lack of sleep, but because the mind engaged with ego beliefs and fears drains you of joy and robs you of peace. You have been very vigilant for the many opportunities to see this in your life, and you have taken advantage of these opportunities to let go of many of these beliefs.
What you have not seen is that you still believe that the failure to do this perfectly means you must accept the consequences of being dispirited and fatigued. This is not so. Could it ever be the Will of your Father that you suffer? You have glimpsed what I am saying to you, because you have asked me to help you see this differently, but then you allow the ego to persuade you to guilt and fall back into exhaustion. You but do this to yourself, my friend.
Let me tell you clearly, this need not be. When your day begins to wind down and you start to feel tiredness and discouragement in your mind, ask Me to intervene. I will undo this feeling for you if that is your choice. Already you have begun to see this differently and now you sometimes make a deliberate choice to focus on gratitude instead of fear and guilt.
Listen closely to what I say to you right now. You can do this every time. You can choose healing, gratitude, and joy every single day. At no time is it necessary that you indulge the ego and fall listlessly into your chair or enter sleep in a discouraged state. Joy is not something you earn. It is your right and nothing you do or fail to do can strip you of that right. Joy is yours simply for the asking. Ask Me to heal your mind when you think otherwise. It is My delight to do so.