I. Right Teaching and Right Learning, P 7
7 Your worth is not established by teaching or learning. Your worth is established by God. As long as you dispute this everything you do will be fearful, particularly any situation that lends itself to the belief in superiority and inferiority. Teachers must be patient and repeat their lessons until they are learned. I am willing to do this, because I have no right to set your learning limits for you. Again, – nothing you do or think or wish or make is necessary to establish your worth. This point is not debatable except in delusions. Your ego is never at stake because God did not create it. Your spirit is never at stake because He did. Any confusion on this point is delusional, and no form of devotion is possible as long as this delusion lasts.
My worth was established by God and so it is unassailable. Nothing I do or say can change it. I cannot make myself more worthy with good works or successes in my life. I am not a better Son of God because I teach or because I write spiritual books. Nor can I, or anyone else diminish my worth. When I feel guilty about something I said or did, I am learning that there is nothing I need to do to prop up my self-worth. If I think I need to apologize to someone because I may have caused harm I do that. But my words did not change my Self. I am innocent.
This applies to everyone else as well. In my most lucid moments, I imagine my perfect and holy Self moving through this imagined life, having experiences with other holy Beings. Sometimes I imagine our holy Self simply being, and imagined experiences passing through us. But either way, in those moments I never see those experiences leaving a stain on our brilliant Selves.
When I am immersed in the stories, I forget that this is so and I feel guilt or assign guilt for the things we imagine happen. Then I remember my prayer: Reveal to me my innocence. Not make me innocent, or restore my innocence, just reveal to me my innocence. Yesterday I was having an experience in which I felt attacked. I asked that God reveal to me our innocence. Then I had another experience of being attacked. I watched my thoughts and I saw that I was assigning blame for my feelings. Again, I asked that God reveal to me our innocence.
The third time it happened, I realized that I needed to look more closely at this. If I am having experiences of blame (mine or someone else’s, it doesn’t matter) I have forgotten who I am. I have forgotten that my worth was established by God in my creation and nothing can change that. If unworthiness has become my belief, then unworthiness stories are what I will project. I asked that my innocence be revealed, but did not accept it.
Sometimes I can hardly believe myself. I had a choice; I could hold onto my grievances, continue to project blame for a false belief in my mind and continue to find my brothers guilty, and suffer the consequences of this. I felt angry, abused, confused, afraid, uncertain and doubtful. I forgot who I am. No matter who I blamed, I didn’t feel any better. I had another choice. I could accept the Atonement in this situation. I could allow the Holy Spirit to reveal to me our innocence. I could return to peace and joy.
I noticed that I still wavered between the two choices. It seemed a sure bet that the other person was the guilty one and I hesitated to let him off the hook. Then I had a sudden moment of sanity and realized that I was literally choosing against God and for the separation all over again. Is my whole “life” a variation on that one moment, the moment choice was born, and with it, guilt and fear? I think so.
I asked myself what it is that I want. Do I want another story of guilt and blame, attack and defend, or do I want peace and happiness? It is absolutely my choice. Do I want to keep this guy on the hook so bad that I am willing to give up Heaven to be sure he stays hooked? Really, Myron? Really? I came to my senses and when I asked again for innocence to be revealed, I was ready to accept it. Today’s reading in the Text is a perfect follow up for me. I had forgotten for awhile yesterday that our worth has been established and that our stories cannot change that.