VII. Creating versus the Self-Image, P 2
2 You cannot resolve the authority problem by depreciating the power of your mind. To do so is to deceive yourself, and this will hurt you because you really understand the strength of the mind. You also realize that you cannot weaken it, any more than you can weaken God. The “devil” is a frightening concept because he seems to be extremely powerful and extremely active. He is perceived as a force in combat with God, battling Him for possession of His creations. The devil deceives by lies, and builds kingdoms in which everything is in direct opposition to God. Yet he attracts men rather than repels them, and they are willing to “sell” him their souls in return for gifts of no real worth. This makes absolutely no sense.
Rather than acting as if my mind is weak, I am learning to use the power of my mind to undo what I have done. I watch for thoughts that indicate I am still trying to depreciate that power. For instance, recently I gained five pounds. Usually, when this happens, I just go on a diet and lose it. No big deal. But this time I realized that I was tired of the merry go round and that I wanted off once and for all. Since I know that my body is in my mind, the solution is also in my mind, and I asked the Holy Spirit to heal my mind of my false beliefs about food and body image.
As I have been doing this, I realize that I have many deep-rooted ideas about food and the body and this is harder than I would ever have believed possible. I also noticed that I tend to get discouraged and I feel like I can’t do this. I notice that when this happens I feel fear and when I asked the Holy Spirit about the source of the fear, I realized it was fear that the truth is not true, and I really am only this fragile and weak body.
My ego looks on those five pounds and my failure to see it differently as a symbol of all my separation thinking and sees it as proof positive that I am in competition with God and am winning, though it is a pitiful prize indeed. This increases the fear and the desire to hide. My first reaction is to push these thoughts away with an admonition to myself that this can’t be true and I shouldn’t be thinking it.
Of course, thinking I am wrong for the beliefs in my mind just piles on more guilt and more fear of failure. But while this visceral reaction to guilt and fear, this desire to run from my thoughts, is still there I don’t listen to it anymore. What I do now is to ask the Holy Spirit to heal this belief, too.
As I accept the Holy Spirit’s healing I notice that the conflict eases and I become more comfortable with the process. I feel patient and I feel certain that the ego beliefs about food and the body will be healed. They must be healed because they are not true and the mind that was powerful enough to create this illusion is powerful enough to let it go.
The devil Jesus speaks of sounds suspiciously like the ego. The difference between the devil I learned of from religion and the ego I learned of from Jesus, is that the devil was something outside of me. It was the place I projected my more aggressive thoughts of being in competition with God. It was not my fault, “The devil made me do it.” The devil was a way to hide from the really scary thought that I was fighting God for my authorship.
The ego is the “devil” in my mind. It is the desire to be something I am not, to experience something God did not create. It still scares me that I turned from God to the ego, but the fear is of my own doing. God is not the cause of my fear; my thoughts about God are what scare me. I sold my soul to the ego, and the ego remade me in its own image, then remade God in its image as well. The ego mind gave me an illusion of a weak and powerless victim against an angry and vengeful God. How did I imagine this was a bargain I wanted?
I have a sense of being separate and all I had to give up was peace, love, joy, freedom and complete safety. And, oh yeah, the love of God, because I cannot see myself as loved by God if I think I am at war with Him. It is all a lie, an incredible deceit, and no one is responsible except my self. I willingly and happily admit I have done this and I ask that it be undone.