V. The Function of the Miracle Worker, P 2
2 Magic is the mindless or the miscreative use of mind. Physical medications are forms of “spells,” but if you are afraid to use the mind to heal, you should not attempt to do so. The very fact that you are afraid makes your mind vulnerable to miscreation. You are therefore likely to misunderstand any healing that might occur, and because egocentricity and fear usually occur together, you may be unable to accept the real Source of the healing. Under these conditions, it is safer for you to rely temporarily on physical healing devices, because you cannot misperceive them as your own creations. As long as your sense of vulnerability persists, you should not attempt to perform miracles.
This is a good paragraph for me to work with today because I had this exact experience this past week. Here is what happened and how I used it.
I wore myself down moving until I was nearly sick. I was shaky and nauseated and weepy. When everything is going smoothly in my life I study what I need to learn, and I practice, in little ways, what I have studied. But when something happens that challenges what I have been studying, I get a chance to really practice. This was one of those times. The first thing I noticed is it’s very hard to remember the truth when the body is in pain. Pain tends to focus the attention on the body and where the attention goes, so does my identification. When I focus on the body, I feel like a body.
What I did was to be mindful. I paid as much attention to my emotional reactions as I could. This was not a perfect practice because my mind felt tired, too. This is a different kind of tired. It is caused by stressful thinking. Thoughts like, “How will I finish in time? What if I can’t do this?” These fear thoughts lead to more fear thoughts, some completely unrelated, but all fear thoughts increase body identity, and negative thinking drains the mental energy just as overwork drains the physical energy. I recognized what was happening and asked for help, but the split in the mind was very apparent as I also gave a great deal of attention to the fear thoughts and the body.
Another thing I noticed is that I am going to project onto the body my belief in pain and suffering. This will happen for as long as I hold onto the belief that pain and suffering are real and that I am guilty and so deserve pain and suffering. This belief is deeply rooted in the mind and it is hard to let go. When I first started to work on this idea I didn’t really believe I would ever be able to not believe in pain and suffering. I was willing to try, though, and as I experienced small but undeniable results, my mind opened to greater possibilities. I began to realize that pain and suffering cannot be real and this further opened my mind to the light of truth. Now I know I will let go of this belief altogether.
This week I was reminded that how strongly I feel pain, depends entirely on how closely I identify with the body. The problem, of course, is that the worse I feel, the harder it is to remember I am not actually in that body and that this is all occurring in my mind. I overworked and began to feel the effect. If I had stopped there and remembered that the body has no creative ability and the exhaustion and pain I felt was the effect of a false belief I was holding in my mind, then I would simply have felt tired and achy and it would have passed quickly. I know this is true because it is usually my experience. But I got caught up in my thoughts and allowed them to run the show. I began to feel sorry for myself and to invite in fear thoughts and soon I was fully identified with the body. (Well, not fully identified with the body, because I did remember to ask for help out of my mental confusion.)
And that brings me to another realization. Whether it’s my physical body or my emotional body, it is hard not to think I should feel different. I have been working with these ideas and so I had this expectation that I would do better. I began to think I should not feel this way and to believe I should stop my thoughts and feelings. That just makes the thinking errors seem so real and so important. I tried to bring my mind back to just noticing and asking for mind healing. This is very important. I will go from feeling miserable to being afraid if I think it means I have not learned anything. It can be a terrific opportunity to practice what I have learned, or I can use it to prove that I haven’t learned anything. It all depends on how I choose to perceive it.
This began on Thursday and by Monday I was really played out. I was in a lot of pain as well. I was also mentally and emotionally exhausted and recognized that I was not in a place to use the mind to heal. I had been, up to now, practicing remembering the body is not the source of pain and suffering, and I had been doing this through not depending on magic solutions. I decided I needed to use magic at this time. Of course, the ego wanted to see this as proof that I am a body, and a guilty one at that, and I saw those thoughts, but I had enough sanity left to realize this was not true. Not taking medicine was never the point, but was just a way of teaching myself that I am not a body. Not taking medicine did not make me a better person and so taking it could not affect my worthiness either.
That was my experience. The way I stayed as sane as possible throughout the experience was to remind myself often that, in spite of appearances, I am not this body and this body has no creative ability so could not be the cause of the problem. I reminded myself that I am not alone and that I have Inner Guidance and an Inner Healer. These reminders felt weak, but it was good to know the truth was still there in spite of what seemed to be going on, and in spite of the strong ego voice. It helps me to remember this: Where is my body? It’s in my mind. Then where is my pain? Only one place it could be; it is in my mind. As I heal the mistaken thoughts in my mind, the body, which sits there right beside those thoughts, which is the effect of those thoughts, is healed as well. The practice, weak as it seemed, was enough, and as it strengthened, my mind recovered its sanity and so the body recovered. I began to laugh at the whole situation and to see it for the opportunity it was. I no longer felt the need for magical solutions as I recovered my trust and returned to healing the mind.
The prayers I used were these. First, it was a simple call for help when my mind was in a weakened state. Then, as that prayer was answered, I recognized that it was fear thoughts that gave the ego a foot in the door. I started using this prayer:
God loves me very much and He will always love me. There is nothing to fear.
From here I remembered that it was not the body in need of healing, but the mind, which was in a confused state. Then I used the prayer:
Holy Spirit, I have done this, but I am ready to be healed. Please come into come into my mind and undo what I had done.