…And Then Everything Changed

Your worth is not established by teaching or learning. ²Your worth is established by God. ACIM, T-4.I.7:1-2

…And Then Everything Changed

In the Past

Up until I was in my 30’s, my life was chaotic. I was raised in an alcoholic home. We moved constantly, and I had little stability in my home and friends that came and went too quickly to build strong relationships. I was the oldest of six kids and had a lot of responsibility with no guidance on handling it. I was afraid of everything, and I had little self-esteem.  For most of my life, I was wracked with guilt. As A Course in Miracles phrases it, a lot was seen, but nothing happened.

Unfortunately, it was going to be a long time before I would understand and accept that nothing happened. But then, I found A Course in Miracles, and everything changed. There were a lot of changes, and they were all based on ideas I learned from this wonderful book and through my connection with the Holy Spirit. I’m not going to put these changes in any particular order, just ideas I accepted and the changes that occurred.

My Worth as a Wife and Mother

Your worth is not established by teaching or learning. ²Your worth is established by God. (ACIM, T-4.I.7:1-2)

I began by doubting my worth, and then I did as most people do; I tried to establish my worth. First, I tried to be a wife but wasn’t very good at it. I tried being a mom, and that attempt did nothing to establish my worth. I worked at many jobs, and none of them made me worthy in my own eyes. When I read in the Course that God established my worth, and nothing I do or think or wish or make is necessary to establish my worth, well, everything changed.

A New Beginning

This was the beginning of my journey to remembering who I am. I am created perfect, and nothing can change this. So, when I made parenting mistakes, they were just mistakes, not sins. I began to enjoy my children rather than letting fear drive my decisions about them and the things I taught them. Of course, that wasn’t immediate, and there were a lot of lessons I had to learn along the way, but I think I did well enough to establish a stronger sense of self in them and a fearlessness that scared me to death. Hahaha.

Because I was always trying to establish my worth through what I did as a mother, I leaned on their accomplishments as proof that I was a worthy parent. When I finally learned my worthiness lesson, I quit doing that. I am happy for their accomplishments, and their difficult lessons and seeming failures don’t diminish my sense of worth anymore. Our relationships are stronger and happier now that I am not asking them to live for me nor depending on their lives to define mine. I just love them no matter what is going on in their lives or in mine.

My Worth as Salesperson

Work was the place where I learned many lessons about self-worth. In my last job, and the only one that lasted very long, I was in sales. My whole job revolved around competition and the need to stay on top. As I began to get good at it, I became confused about who I was. I started to think that I was what I did, that I was a good salesperson or sometimes a bad one. With this confusion in identity, I thought I was what I accomplished or failed to accomplish in my work. I would sometimes see myself as worthy and sometimes not. This was a painful way to live, always uncertain as to who I was because, in my mind, identity was fused with accomplishments and failures.

What happened eventually is that I stopped judging myself as good or bad and accepted that I was always doing the best I could. In the end, what difference would it make? When I leave this dimension, I won’t be taking any plaques or other forms of accolades with me. I will be taking only the love I learned and gave. I stopped trying to compete for customers and started trying to be helpful to those I had. Paradoxically, I gained more customers and felt better about my job and myself. I treated my customers with loving kindness and respect because I now had that to give. I’ve been retired for a few years now and still hear from some of my customers.

Everyone Is My Brother; Everyone Is Me

The holiest of all the spots on earth is where an ancient hatred has become a present love. (ACIM, T-26.IX.6:1)

All through the Course, we are told that we go Home together and that we are one. We are encouraged to love each other and to forgive everything. That is certainly not how I lived before. I held onto grievances as if they were my salvation, and I suppose from the ego perspective, they were. If I remembered how I was done wrong and learned to avoid those situations and people, the ego reasoned that I could protect myself from further pain. The only thing that happened was broken relationships and a solid wall that seemed to protect me but that actually kept love out.

What I have learned that changed everything is that I am the only one hurting me. It is always only my thoughts that cause me to suffer. I stopped looking outward for the source of my suffering, and so I stopped blaming others. If I was upset about what someone said to me, I would do some self-inquiry to get to the root cause of my upset and there, forgive it. Finally, something that actually worked! If I am ever tempted to attack a brother in thought, word, or deed, I remember this. ⁶You cannot enter God’s Presence if you attack His Son. (ACIM, T-11.IV.5:6) And this. ⁸You cannot enter God’s Presence with the dark companions beside you, but you also cannot enter alone. ⁹All your brothers must enter with you, for until you have accepted them, you cannot enter. (ACIM, T-11.III.7:8-9)

The Power of Decision

There are so many wonderful truths in this book that have changed my life that it is hard to choose only a few. Learning that I am never a victim of the world was a game changer for me because I thoroughly believed that I was and held onto that belief for a long time. But I want to talk about this one. Choice is the one freedom we leave ourselves, but it is the only one we need. We have the power of decision at our fingertips and must use it, either to help or hurt, depending on who we go to for advice, the ego or the Holy Spirit.

1. No one can suffer loss unless it be his own decision. ²No one suffers pain except his choice elects this state for him. ³No one can grieve nor fear nor think him sick unless these are the outcomes that he wants. ⁴And no one dies without his own consent. ⁵Nothing occurs but represents your wish, and nothing is omitted that you choose. ⁶Here is your world, complete in all details. ⁷Here is its whole reality for you. ⁸And it is only here salvation is. (ACIM, W-152.1:1-8)

This is something that I fully accept and never doubt, not any longer. Before I started studying the Course, I thought I was a victim to the world, my family, my friends, my enemies, and even to myself. I thought that things just happened and that I had to fix them or suffer. But now that I know that the cause lies solely in me and that I can change my mind by making a different decision. And well, this changes everything.

Corrected Thoughts

I have learned what thoughts and beliefs lead to suffering and fear and I bring those thoughts forward in my mind to the Holy Spirit Who looks with me. Together we undo them; we choose against them. I give my willingness, and He corrects my thinking. Better thoughts make for a better life and to awakening from the belief in life that can die.

These corrected thoughts are like a lighted runway that allowed me to quickly transition to higher ground. Now instead of feeling like a victim, I use the power of decision to make better choices, and everything changes even when it looks like nothing changed. It changed within me so that I remain at peace regardless of what is occurring.

Here is my world, complete in all details. And it is only here salvation is.

If you would like to try Root Cause Inquiry as I did, CLICK HERE for an audio teaching and written instructions.