ACIM Daily Lesson 203. I call upon God’s Name and on my own.
I call upon God’s Name and on my own.
ACIM Lesson 203
I am not a body. I am free.
For I am still as God created me.
1. (183) I call upon God’s Name and on my own.
²The Name of God is my deliverance from every thought of evil and of sin, because it is my own as well as His.
³I am not a body. ⁴I am free.
⁵For I am still as God created me.
This lesson is not just saying that it is always possible to call for help when I need it. It is reminding me that I am God the Son. Our Name shares the same power because He gave me His Name in my creation. I am literally, very literally, part of God. I am an extension of God through creation because that is what creation is, an extension of All That Is. When I call on the name of God, I am calling on my innate power. Or, to say it another way, through remembering what I am, I am claiming my inheritance
I am going to share two stories from my journal. The first one happened in 2008. It is notable as in it I share my step-by-step process of overcoming fear of my own emotions. This is important because my fear was keeping me from releasing beliefs. It was also hiding another fear that needed to be exposed.
Journal: Year 2008
The name of God is my deliverance, but first, I must look at what I would be delivered from. It is very hard for me to do this sometimes. I can say to myself, for instance, that I am feeling anxious about something going on in my world. It is easy enough to have an intellectual awareness of it. But when I look closer and begin to feel the anxiety and fear in whatever form it takes, I back off and distance myself from the feelings.
My son has been sick, and I have been worried. That doesn’t say much about what this means to me. It is like looking out of the corner of my eye and glimpsing something possibly disturbing. And then asking the Holy Spirit to get rid of it for me or make it look different. This is not really looking with the Holy Spirit with a willingness to see differently. It is more like saying I want the bad feeling to go away but without changing my belief system.
Confronting My Emotions
The truth is I don’t want to look too closely at my anxiety because I don’t want to feel it too acutely. Every time the feeling seems to move in me, I push it away by saying, “Oh, here is some anxiety that needs to be healed. Thanks, Holy Spirit.” I am not interested in looking too closely because when I do, I feel like I am going to fall into a dark pit of despair. This is because I am very afraid of feelings. I can tell myself that feelings are not harmful, but I don’t believe it.
So, what I am doing now is sitting with my feelings and allowing them to rise up and then fall away. I am not attaching a story to them and am not trying to avoid them. Nor am I judging these feelings. I am just experiencing them. In so doing, I am teaching myself that feelings are not dangerous. And, I am asking the Holy Spirit to be with me while I do this, and that is good.
Love Over Hate
I started off hating this feeling, but it is my feeling, a product of my own creation. I cannot afford to hate anything. Hate is a barrier to love, and I do not want to leave any barriers to love in my mind. I tried to love the feeling, but love is not achieved through effort. As I remove the barriers, love will flow in without my help. It will simply flow wherever it is unimpeded.
As I allow the feelings without trying to think my way through them or out of them, I am taking full responsibility for what is going on with me. I am no longer feeling the need to make it someone else’s fault. I claim these feelings and own them. There is no need to project how I feel onto someone else because I am no longer afraid of how I feel. As I look in the pit, I see the fear that my son is going to die. I see the fear that I could not stand it. I see that I am afraid it would kill me, or worse, that I would go on living and suffer the grief of loss every day.
My intention is to back off from this, and the thinking mind tries to help me do this. It laughs at this fear, reminding me that he just isn’t that sick. But behind every illness is the thought of death. That is the source of my fear of loss and grief, and anxiety. And not just the loss of his body brings me grief. Now that I am really in touch with how I feel, I realize this is a very special relationship. I have studied special relationships and had some profound thoughts about the transformation of special into holy relationships.
But the thinking mind cannot heal, it can only think.
I am faced with the truth that I have been protecting this very special relationship with spiritual words. Now that I am looking at my fears with the Holy Spirit, I see that I am truly afraid of giving Him this relationship to heal. I accept, in theory, that I am love, and love flows freely from me outward. Therefore I can never be without love. Thus, I do not need a special body, a particular person to make me feel loved. The love I crave does not come from someone to me but from me to whoever is in front of me at the moment. So, I should never feel a lack of love.
Deeply Buried Fears
But all I have ever really known is special love. Even though I fully understand the concept of neediness masquerading as love, I am afraid to really look at it within myself. What if I see it for what it is and allow myself to feel the hollowness of this empty substitute? And then what if I am wrong and there is nothing else. What if, for some reason, I am one who is not really Love. Or I am so unworthy that I cannot get into contact with the Love I am. What if I am left with nothing?
And so, I am really looking with the Holy Spirit now. I am seeing the deeply buried fears that I have protected by my refusal to experience my fears. I have cried a lot and while I didn’t throw up, I did feel like I might. It surprised me that the fear moved through me and it did not drown me.
As I ask the Holy Spirit what to do with what I have found, He gently asks me if I would be willing to be wrong. He asks me to trust Him. I see His outstretched hand in my mind, and I decide to give Him my relationship with my son. the willingness to experience a holy relationship encourages me. I am willing to love without the expectation of that love being returned. Even the assurance that it will last forever with this one special person is unnecessary. I give this change of mind all the willingness I have.
How is this supposed to work? What am I supposed to think when I think of him? How am I supposed to feel about him? I don’t know and if I entertain these questions with the thinking mind, I am inviting the ego back into this relationship. My part is to truly look at the relationship with the Holy Spirit and to give my willingness to have it transformed. I will continue to do that each time the old way of specialness shows itself to me. I will trust the Holy Spirit to do the rest.
The Second Story
This story happened last year, and it highlights the difference between calling for help to change the story and calling on God’s Name and on my own. I am not saying that I shouldn’t call for help when I must. I simply accepted that it is not the same as recognizing the power of God in me.
Journal: Year 2021
These days, if I have a problem in the world, I use it to help me awaken. But here is a time I was more interested in getting the problem solved than in remembering who I am. However, through the consistent practice of A Course in Miracles, we will all climb the ladder of prayer and eventually reach the higher rungs. From that elevated understanding, we will see it differently.
Here is what happened. Perhaps you have had a charley horse, that painful tightening of a muscle in your calf. If so, you will relate to what happened to me. Instead of being in my calf, it was in my toes. It was excruciatingly painful. Nothing I did to relieve the pain helped and it wasn’t subsiding. So, I called on the Holy Spirit. I said that I had no idea what to do and asked Him to help me. Immediately I had a thought to apply heat. I did this, and it quickly relaxed and the pain subsided.
In that case, I ask for direct help to correct the effect rather than the cause, which would be a belief in my mind. It was just too much pain for me to do anything else, and I was getting a little desperate. Though I do not yet always have enough faith in my power as part of God, I do have faith that I will be answered when I ask for help. And turning to God consistently will build my faith and my willingness to see differently.
One day, I will notice that when in trouble, I simply call on God’s Name and my own because they are the same. In other words, instead of asking for outside help for a specific problem, I will be calling on the memory of who I am. It will be as if I am saying, “This problem cannot be real because of Who I Am.” In lesson 190, Jesus tells us this. ⁵There is nothing in the world that has the power to make you ill or sad, or weak or frail. ⁶But it is you who have the power to dominate all things you see by merely recognizing what you are. (ACIM, W-190.5:5-6).
The Power to Dominate
If I had remembered who I was, I would have had the power to dominate the illusion of pain. This is what I would have done if I had called on God’s Name and on my own. It’s OK that I didn’t in that moment, choose to meet my problem in that way. I did remind myself that pain is not real, that it is a thought in my mind projected onto this body.
The pain overcame my desire to see it differently, which is why I called on the Holy Spirit and why He gave me a solution that I could accept at that moment. He met me where I was. Perhaps next time, I will skip that step and go straight to the truth, and the truth will be so strong in my mind that I will accept immediate healing of the mind simply because I know who I am. Then the body will, of course, follow suit.
To enjoy the Pathways of Light Insights on ACIM Lesson 203https://www.pathwaysoflight.org/acim_lessons/insights/lesson_203 click here.
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