ACIM Chapter 9. II. The Answer to Prayer P 1, 2 

ACIM Chapter 9. II. The Answer to Prayer P 1, 2 

The Answer to Prayer P1

1 Everyone who ever tried to use prayer to ask for something has experienced what appears to be failure. This is not only true in connection with specific things that might be harmful, but also in connection with requests that are strictly in line with this course. The latter in particular might be incorrectly interpreted as “proof” that the course does not mean what it says. You must remember, however, that the course states, and repeatedly, that its purpose is the escape from fear.

What I pray for now is that my mind be healed. No matter what the seeming need is, the solution is for my mind to be healed of mistaken thoughts and beliefs that are not true. In a healed mind, I find the answer to all my challenges. Having used this approach for a while now, I understand that fear is a block to prayer. I have seen fear in my mind that I will lose something of value, even as I asked that it be removed. This is not a true prayer. The Holy Spirit does not answer my words but my heart.

The solution to this quandary seems, at least in my case, is to be clear that when I don’t receive the answer I expect, it is not the Course that has failed. Nor is it Jesus or the Holy Spirit that has failed to answer. It is always me who has failed as a questioner. I ask the Holy Spirit to give me clarity about the situation. I ask Him what He wants me to see. Then, I become as willing as I can to receive His answers. I ask that He remove from my mind the impediments to my acceptance.

In the end, it is always fear and guilt that block me.

I am afraid that allowing more of my “personal” freedom to be eroded will be a loss. What I have is very limited and often painful, but it is something I know, and while I don’t actually trust it, sometimes I am reluctant to chance anything else. It is hard for me to envision a future in which I am aware of myself as Love, a future that is perfectly joyful and completely safe. And yet, that future is here now, waiting for my acceptance.

II. The Answer to Prayer, P 2

2 Let us suppose, then, that what you ask of the Holy Spirit is what you really want, but you are still afraid of it. Should this be the case, your attainment of it would no longer be what you want. This is why certain specific forms of healing are not achieved, even when the state of healing is. An individual may ask for physical healing because he is fearful of bodily harm. At the same time, if he were healed physically, the threat to his thought system might be considerably more fearful to him than its physical expression. In this case he is not really asking for release from fear, but for the removal of a symptom that he himself selected. This request is, therefore, not for healing at all.

I completely understand this paragraph and totally accept it. The logic is absolutely clear; if I ask for something but am afraid of it, then I don’t really want it. However, I have noticed that sometimes it is hard to see that I am asking for something and, at the same time, afraid I will receive it. I think I really want the healing, and I can’t understand why I don’t receive it.

Here is an example from an earlier journal when I was still working.

I had a problem at work last week, and I was angry about it. I don’t like that feeling anymore, and I know it is not in alignment with my goal of awakening to project onto my brother. So, I asked for the Atonement in this situation. As I learned from Nouk Sanchez, “Holy Spirit, please help me to forgive myself for using my boss to attack myself and to separate from your Love as my Holy Self.”

I had to work on this for a while because I kept going back to thinking how wrong he was. I felt threatened by him, and so I was afraid to give up my belief that he was attacking me. After all, how could I defend myself if I turned my back on his attack? This is an example of asking for healing but being afraid of the healing and so not really wanting the answer. After a day and a half of returning to Spirit with a renewed desire to be healed, I felt like it was undone.

Then I went back to work. As soon as I saw him, I was upset again. Holy cow! Was I ever going to be free of this? I asked the Holy Spirit to look at this with me again and to give me some clarity about it. The thought that came to me was that this could not possibly be his fault because it is my story. I made this story through my desire to be seen as unfairly treated, and separate from my brother. How could it be his fault?

I know this is true.

I have no doubt that it is true. And yet, here I was, watching the ego mind busily assassinating my brother and stealing my peace. As the day wore on, I felt worse and worse. Looking at my mind, I realized I felt guilty and afraid because I was not accepting healing. I know it is not the Holy Spirit ignoring me, so it must be me not really wanting the healing.

Again, I spoke to the Holy Spirit. I knew guilt was not real and that I was making that up. I knew I wanted to awaken more than I wanted this man to be guilty. And I saw that I was obviously, for a while, afraid of the answer. But I wanted the answer, and so I asked for healing again, this time for the guilt and fear in my mind. I asked Him why I felt so bad and had so much trouble letting this go when it was clear to me how I made this image from a desire based on a false belief.

What He showed me is that I asked for healing and healing was accomplished in that moment of asking. He showed me that the ego does not want to let go of the grievance and so my ego mind keeps offering it to me. The ego says I am guilty of not being free of this situation. It says that I am guilty of feeling guilty. I was mesmerized by this circular thinking. The Holy Spirit told me to look away.

That was that!

As soon as I looked away, I was free of the guilty feelings and free of the desire to project them onto someone else. Sometimes it is that simple. I refocused my attention on what was true rather than looking at the illusion of guilt. Now the thought that I was wronged comes into my mind at odd times, but I am not attracted to it, and so have no emotional reaction. I just quietly hand it over to the Holy Spirit and enjoy the peace of mind that is my right.

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