ACIM Chapter 9. I. The Acceptance of Reality, P 1, 2

ACIM Chapter 9. I. The Acceptance of Reality, P 1, 2

Chapter 9: THE ACCEPTANCE OF THE ATONEMENT

I. The Acceptance of Reality

1 Fear of the Will of God is one of the strangest beliefs the human mind has ever made. It could not possibly have occurred unless the mind were already profoundly split, making it possible for it to be afraid of what it really is. Reality cannot “threaten” anything except illusions, since reality can only uphold truth. The very fact that the Will of God, which is what you are, is perceived as fearful, demonstrates that you are afraid of what you are. It is not, then, the Will of God of which you are afraid, but yours.

The words here are unambiguous. I am the will of God, and so to be afraid of the Will of God is really to be afraid of my own will. The confusion occurs only when I identify with the ego. The ego mind would rather incur what it thinks of as the wrath of God than relinquish its hold on the idea of a separate will. It recognizes that knowing what it truly is would end its tenuous hold on this illusory separate will.

While there is still some identity with ego, I am awakening to my true self. I am remembering what I am. My desire for that memory is growing stronger each day. It is the craziest thing to have these two voices in my mind and to be fully aware of both. When this first started happening, I experienced the conflict more acutely than when I didn’t know what was going on. This made it seem that things were getting worse rather than better. Over time, I learned to trust the process. I then moved through the conflict to a greater awareness of the truth and so to a more peaceful place.

I stayed there for a while, and then I began to feel like I had lost it all.

What seemed to be happening was that I was returning to the confused mind to allow more unconscious guilt and fear to be uncovered and undone. It was not as hard now because I understood what was happening, though sometimes I got caught up in the ego story and temporarily lost my detachment. Then, I became discouraged by what looked like a loss of what I had gained, but I always received help when I asked.

It appears to be very important now that I am open to the true thoughts in my mind and allow my focus to remain there as much as possible. I am not afraid of the ego thoughts I find in my mind. However, for a while, I noticed a tendency to be discouraged and to feel like giving up. That’s laughable when I think about it. What would I give up? How would I not know the truth now that I know it?

It was a ridiculous notion, and so I knew it was just another ego strategy to maintain a separate will. Now, when I start feeling frustrated, I ask the question, “What am I?” This question tends to break the circular thinking of the ego. Sometimes I receive thoughts from Holy Spirit when I ask this and sometimes, I receive the peace of God. But however it comes, I am reassured that I am the Will of God and there is nothing else I could be. This is true in spite of what my confusion seems to tell me.

I. The Acceptance of Reality, P 2

2 Your will is not the ego’s, and that is why the ego is against you. What seems to be the fear of God is really the fear of your own reality. It is impossible to learn anything consistently in a state of panic. If the purpose of this course is to help you remember what you are, and if you believe that what you are is fearful, then it must follow that you will not learn this course. Yet the reason for the course is that you do not know what you are.

“What am I?” is the question I frequently ask the Holy Spirit. I ask it whenever it comes into my mind, especially when I feel trapped in my own beliefs. I have experienced some major shifts, and the ego response has been very strong. It can be discouraging to move forward only to meet that wall of resistance.

It was helpful this morning to find a quote from Mooji on Facebook.

Very often, when you are guided into the direct experience of the Self

the mind rises up for its biggest fight.

But just stay put and feel the turbulence without identifying personally. 
You are likely to get annoyed with this advice as you are still inclined to protect your relationship with the mind, but try and follow my pointing and just observe with detachment.
Now is the time where you must discern what is the mind and what is You.
What is so disturbed? What is rebelling so much?
Is this your true Self? 
At this point, many give up, because the mind becomes unbearable. 
It rebels more on this path than on any other path, because on other paths the mind is included not threatened. 
But do you want to be spiritual or free?

~ Mooji

24th of November, 2014

The ego mind will fight against awakening. For a while, when I identified too closely with the ego, I would forget that its thoughts and feelings were not mine. Then I became confused. Of course, I became confused! It was like being two people at once, and the two people were completely opposed. I would wake up with the thought that I give this day to the Holy Spirit, and that thought was immediately followed by a feeling of anxiety for the coming day.

I was learning to reject the second feeling as being ego resistance to surrender.

It is the ego demanding its right to make plans and decisions and to decide what everything means. But “I” seem to be having the thoughts and the feelings and so I became discouraged.  This would continue until my mind was muddled. I would start to believe the ego “proof” that I was just kidding myself that I was awakening. And back and forth, I go in this insane attempt to find peace in a split mind.

“What am I?” is the question that pulls me out of the fear. And I want to know. I want to know my Self. I want to remember what it is to be in God and part of God, to be so completely loved that nothing can touch the certainty of love. However it might feel in the moment, what I know to be true is that I want this more than I want to be the director of my little kingdom of separation. While the ego insists that I am wasting my time and that I should just give up, at least for this lifetime, I just keep asking, “What am I?”

I am not that obstinate and frightened voice of ego, that’s for sure. As a result, I am no longer afraid of failure. While I can feel frustration briefly, I soon recognize it as an ego ploy and return to certainty. I’ve learned to relax about the whole thing. After all, I am Spirit, and that can never change regardless of the experience of separation. I am safe in the Mind of God. What is there to fear?

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