ACIM Chapter 7. X. The Confusion of Pain and Joy P 3, 4. The Holy Spirit will direct you only so as to avoid pain.
ACIM Chapter 7. X. The Confusion of Pain and Joy P 3, 4.
X. The Confusion of Pain and Joy, P 3
3 The Holy Spirit will direct you only so as to avoid pain. Surely no one would object to this goal if he recognized it. The problem is not whether what the Holy Spirit says is true, but whether you want to listen to what He says. You no more recognize what is painful than you know what is joyful, and are, in fact, very apt to confuse the two. The Holy Spirit’s main function is to teach you to tell them apart. What is joyful to you is painful to the ego, and as long as you are in doubt about what you are, you will be confused about joy and pain. This confusion is the cause of the whole idea of sacrifice. Obey the Holy Spirit, and you will be giving up the ego. But you will be sacrificing nothing. On the contrary, you will be gaining everything. If you believed this, there would be no conflict.
I know someone who thinks that what makes her happy is to decide for herself about everything. She thinks she knows what is best for her and even when she knows she doesn’t know what is best, she thinks that she should decide what she is going to do. She is obstinate about making decisions on her own even when they fly in the face of common sense.
My friend thinks that being the one that decides is what makes her happy.
There is underlying belief that this is what makes her safe, even though she sees this is not always true. Doing what she wants to do is more important to her than living. Even though she may not say this to herself, it is more important to her than Awakening.
I’m looking at this behavior in her because it is so clearly unreasonable that I can use it to understand what Jesus is telling me in this paragraph. This woman will not give up the “right” to direct her life in the way she wants, even though the directions she has been given are for her own good and to keep her body alive. Obviously, she believes that to follow guidance rather than decide for herself would be a sacrifice so great that she would rather die than do it.
She is not guilty for this. It is simply the part she came to learn and teach. This stubbornness has been part of her personality all of her life and so it seems that it is a core issue for her. I’m looking at this from outside, so to speak, so I may be wrong as far as what it means to her, but I can use it for my own understanding regardless.
From my point of view her life is a lesson in the value of surrender.
I look at her and I see what not surrendering costs and I am strongly motivated to look at what I hold onto. What do I value above God? What in my life do I think is so important that I would hold onto it even if it meant staying in the illusion?
For a long time, I clung to certain special relationships. I had a hard time simply surrendering them to Spirit and letting Him sort them out. It seems that I believed that a sacrifice would be asked of me, that putting my relationships in His hands would be like Abraham putting his son on the altar, thinking he had to sacrifice his son’s life to God.
According to the Bible story, Abraham’s hand was stayed at the last moment. What if I trust my special relationships to God and there is no stay of execution? I didn’t really believe this, but part of my mind did. So, clearly, I had not surrendered fully. I, like this woman in my life, believed that I knew what was good for me. I believed that deciding what to do with my relationships was better than surrendering them to Holy Spirit and letting Him heal them.
Since then, I have surrendered many beliefs to the Holy Spirit, and always I have been rewarded with the joy of a healed mind. And, I did give my willingness to let my special relationships go into His hands. I let Him direct me. As a result of making this choice frequently, I now have enough trust to do this, not as a sacrifice, but in trust that the Holy Spirit knows better than me what I need. believe that deciding for myself is pain and letting Holy Spirit direct me is joy.
4 X. The Confusion of Pain and Joy, P 4
4 That is why you need to demonstrate the obvious to yourself. It is not obvious to you. You believe that doing the opposite of God’s Will can be better for you. You also believe that it is possible to do the opposite of God’s Will. Therefore, you believe that an impossible choice is open to you, and one which is both fearful and desirable. Yet God wills. He does not wish. Your will is as powerful as His because it is His. The ego’s wishes do not mean anything, because the ego wishes for the impossible. You can wish for the impossible, but you can will only with God. This is the ego’s weakness and your strength.
I have wished for lots of things. This morning, I wished I had won the lottery. But I also noticed it was a wish without any fire. It was an old wish and when I examined the possibility, I noticed that I didn’t really care. I would still do everything that is meaningful in my life and I am doing that now without a lot of money. That is just a quick list of the thoughts in my mind under the heading of things I wish.
I used to have a lot of wishes and this is what I discovered about them. When I looked at these things closer, what I see was that I wanted to be happy. I mistakenly believed that if I could have all my wishes, I would finally be happy. What I discovered is that this was impossible. If I think something outside me will make me happy, happiness will always be in the future. Whatever I get, there will always be something else I think I need to be happy.
I might be happy for a little bit.
But then I discover something else is needed to keep me happy. No thing I buy and no change in circumstances brings perfect happiness. My most spectacularly happy moments come with a built in expiration date. My children have problems that I cannot solve for them and so there is less happiness. I bought my own home and discover hidden problems that I have to take care of. I loved my car when I bought it but it is wearing out. Even when I first got it, there was the anticipation of loss so I was not completely happy.
In the world of time where we find ourselves at this moment, there is no happiness. There is only fear and guilt and moments of less fear and guilt. I have thought that my wishes fulfilled would bring me joy, and each time I got my wish, I discovered I was wrong. Obviously, I didn’t know the difference between pain and joy, because I kept looking for things that I thought would bring me joy and I was always disappointed in the end.
When I ask for ego wishes to be fulfilled, I ask for pain. Now that I understand this, I can ask for something different. What if I asked Holy Spirit for joy? What if I asked Him to teach me the difference between pain and joy, and to show me how to ask for joy? Rearranging my story isn’t doing the trick; that is just more wishing. How do I get in touch with my will, the one I share with God? This is what I want. This will bring me joy.
I mostly do this now instead of wish.
Most of the time my will is in alignment with God’s Will. As a result, I am peaceful and joyful. This happens in the middle of whatever ego stuff is hitting the fan. I just suddenly remember truth and I am the clock in the storm, ticking away, completely unaffected by what is happening around me. Calm. Peaceful. Happy.
Holy Spirit, thank you for guiding me, and when I forget, thank you for reminding me that I can do this and what it feels like. Help me remember this today. I woke up thinking how crazy the day is going to be as I try to fit too many things into too short a time. I don’t wish to go back to bed or for today to meet my expectations. What I will is that God’s Will be done and that I relax into that Will. I ask that I not miss this opportunity to surrender into perfection and allow it to sweep me into joy.