ACIM I. The Message of the Crucifixion, P 17. I do not need gratitude, but you need to develop your weakened ability to be grateful, or you cannot appreciate God.
ACIM Chapter 6. I. The Message of the Crucifixion, P 17
I. The Message of the Crucifixion, P 17
17 I do not need gratitude, but you need to develop your weakened ability to be grateful, or you cannot appreciate God. He does not need your appreciation, but you do. You cannot love what you do not appreciate, for fear makes appreciation impossible. When you are afraid of what you are you do not appreciate it, and will therefore reject it. As a result, you will teach rejection.
When I first began reading in the Course that I was afraid of God, I couldn’t find that fear. Now, many years later, I find that idea funny. Of course, I was afraid of God. Why else would I be here? As my mind began to slowly heal, I saw how much fear I had. The following is what I wrote as I was learning not to fear God.
Do I appreciate God? Do I appreciate Jesus? Do I appreciate myself? I had never really thought about this before. According to Jesus, I cannot love what I fear, so I don’t fully appreciate God. I have much less fear of God than I used to, but it seems I am not free of that fear yet. I sometimes feel a sense of deep gratitude well up in me when I think of God. I thank Him for creating me and for loving me. So, I have developed a sense of gratitude for Him that is growing.
I feel absolute and complete gratitude and love for Jesus.
There is no fear in my mind when I think of my brother, Jesus. This has developed over the years as I studied the Course. I appreciate his part in our awakening and love him for it. Actually, it was in developing my gratitude for Jesus that I began feeling less fear and more appreciation for God. That I can admit that fear of God kept me from loving God shows me that the fear has lessened. At one time, I could not have written these words.
I do appreciate myself. That sure wasn’t true before. I hated myself and had no appreciation whatsoever. Slowly, as I studied the Course and practiced what I was learning, my mind began to heal, and I stopped hating myself. Eventually, I developed appreciation and gratitude for myself. Now, I think I am pretty awesome. ~smile~
I find as I write this, that I am in love with myself.
This is not in an egocentric way of thinking that I am better than others, look good, or am successful. I don’t know how to explain this, and I did not even know this was true until I reflected on it here. I spent so many years thinking badly of myself and feeling profoundly guilty that I was surprised to discover that I don’t feel like that anymore. It seems I am not as identified with the ego as before. I see that it is my Self that I love.
Since these changes have occurred, and since I am no longer rejecting myself, I have stopped teaching rejection. I see it come up in my mind sometimes, but I quickly realize that I have no use for rejection anymore and immediately ask for the Atonement. It is just the ego mind trying to reassert itself into my consciousness, but I am not interested.
Here is something from my journal in 2013 that helped me.
Now, I am going back to the fear of God. Jesus, could you help me to see this differently? As I ask, I feel emotional and tears well up in my eyes. What do you want me to know about this?
Jesus: Sister, the fear of God is a deep well within the mind of the separated ones, but it is a well of nothingness. You have nothing to fear. Your desire for your Father is very strong, and your devotion to your purpose has nurtured your desire. You are very appreciative of the Holy Spirit, and the Holy Spirit is the Voice for God, the representative of God, while you are still feeling separate.
You are not afraid of the Holy Spirit, are you? In fact, you are very grateful and appreciative of His Voice in you. You are not as afraid of God as you think, so much of your fear is just a shadow, a memory that you return to at the call of the ego mind. That does not make it real. As you have learned, the thoughts in your mind are not your real thoughts. You hear the ego, but you are not the ego.
God is Love Itself, and that Love has extended Itself as you.
The Love that is God is undiluted by the imaginings of the ego mind. It can only love. I know it is hard to understand something non-dual while the mind is still mired in duality, but Love can only love. It cannot condemn because it is not condemnation. Because God created you as an extension of Himself, He could not condemn you without condemning Himself, and God is not insane. There is absolutely nothing to fear from God. Your imaginings cannot affect His nature, so you are perfectly safe.
Dear Sister, I am in a position to know this, and you are here with me. Can you see now how unfounded is your fear of God? You are dreaming, sweetheart, just dreaming of fear and guilt. Nothing is happening. No one is threatening you, least of all Love Itself. You can wake up anytime you want.
I went back over this and read it to myself.
And I have to tell you that the ego mind was scrambling to take me away from this idea. I started thinking about correcting a sister, how people would think of what I am writing, and how inconvenient awakening would be at this moment, like would I be able to see my customers today? That I will die if I keep thinking about this. That if I don’t hurry up, I will be late for work.
Really? That’s what I’m concerned about now? Just any crazy thing the ego could think of to distract and redirect my desire. I am not interested in the ego. I ask that my mind be healed of any belief that the ego has anything to offer me. God, here I am. I open my heart to your healing love and accept the Atonement. I say yes. Please heal me of any fear that is still in my mind. I don’t want to hide behind that fear anymore.
PS: This is my personal journal that I share with you all. But please remember that there is no personal, and what is said to me is said for all. The Holy Spirit does not look at us and see many. He sees just the one Son of God. So, nothing can be for me alone.
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