ACIM Chapter 4, VI.The Rewards of God, P 1, 2

ACIM VI. P The Rewards of God, 1, 2. The ego does not recognize the real source of “threat,” and if you associate yourself with the ego, you do not understand the situation as it is.

VI. The Rewards of God, P 1

1 The ego does not recognize the real source of “threat,” and if you associate yourself with the ego, you do not understand the situation as it is. Only your allegiance to it gives the ego any power over you. I have spoken of the ego as if it were a separate thing, acting on its own. This was necessary to persuade you that you cannot dismiss it lightly, and must realize how much of your thinking is ego-directed. We cannot safely let it go at that, however, or you will regard yourself as necessarily conflicted as long as you are here, or as long as you believe that you are here. The ego is nothing more than a part of your belief about yourself. Your other life has continued without interruption, and has been and always will be totally unaffected by your attempts to dissociate it.  

At First I Was Confused

I needed to know about the ego, to recognize it, and understand it. Jesus will continue to coach me about the ego. I must see the ego and choose against it if I am to wake up and return to God. My part is so small, but it is absolutely essential. I must look with the Holy Spirit, and I must decide to let go of what I see. The rest is done for me, but I must do my part. This is why I must learn to recognize the ego wherever I see it. And this is why I must learn that I don’t value what it has to offer me and so choose against it.

When I first started this, it seemed very hard. I wasn’t sure what was ego and what was Spirit. I had convinced myself that ego provided protection, and so it seemed to be my friend. Here is an example. When I was married, my husband and I argued over how to discipline the children. I would try to see this with the Holy Spirit, but I would become confused as the ego mind would warn me that I had to protect my children, that my husband was the enemy in this case. My fear was blinding me to the truth, and the ego was offering to protect me from what I feared.

From a Place of Fear

From where I stand now, after years of watching my mind and asking for clarity, I see how the ego worked in this situation. I know that no one is guilty in that scenario, and if I see guilt, I am looking with the ego. That is always true, and there is never a situation in which it is not true. The ego jumps up and down when I say this, even now. It warns that my children would have been hurt without my outrage and my protection.

Let me say that my husband was not physically abusive, and looking back on the situation, he was probably sometimes right when I thought he was wrong. But he disciplined from a place of fear using guilt and shame, and I thought that was completely wrong and potentially damaging. The interesting thing is that when I tried to stop that behavior, I did so from a place of fear using guilt and shame.

It is always my job to heal my mind. If I had been clearer, I would have done that. I would have ignored the ego and focused on healing my mind. Then from a place of love, I could have been a positive influence on everyone. I can still get lost in the ego story and become momentarily confused, but less so now because the Course has helped me to recognize the ego when I see it.

Gaining Clarity

Now that I have a clear understanding of how the ego works and how to recognize it, and now that I know I don’t want the ego’s “help,” I am ready to understand what the ego really is. Jesus says that the ego is nothing more than a part of my belief about myself. The ego is not a thing or a being and has no reality or power outside of my belief in it. It is just something I believe about myself. Because it is just a belief system, I can dismantle it easily by choosing against it.

This is why I am vigilant for my thinking. I see signs of the ego thought system at work in my mind, and I ask the Holy Spirit to correct my thinking. I no longer value that belief and don’t want to be influenced by it, so I want it gone. The reason I need help is that I believe in it. Though I hide the memory from myself, I made it, and I believe in it, so I can’t teach myself not to believe in it.

Try and teach yourself that blue is not blue, that it is not really a color. You can tell yourself repeatedly that it is not really blue, but you believe it is, and reason keeps bringing you back to what you believe. That’s the problem with the ego. We can try to reason our way out of this, and we can really want to, but we can’t. It is a closed system, and we need something from outside that system to help us.

Holy Spirit Is Our Help

The Holy Spirit is our help. The Holy Spirit understands our belief in the ego and even understands our confusion as we identify with it and think we are the ego. But He also knows that the ego is not real, that it is an untrue thought system, and so while He understands it He doesn’t believe in it. This is why He can heal our minds and thus free us from our delusions.

The ego includes our bodies, our life, and all the world we see. It is all an illusion. We are not living but dreaming we live within this illusion. But outside the ego illusion, our life continues as if we were not dreaming. We have a real life! And we can become aware of that life as we move our awareness from this dream. We do this when we see the ego thinking and choose against it by allowing the Holy Spirit to choose for God for us. Does your heart sing just a little as you think of your real life? That is your mind waking up!

2 VI. The Rewards of God, P 2

2 In learning to escape from illusions, your debt to your brother is something you must never forget. It is the same debt that you owe to me. Whenever you act egotistically towards another, you are throwing away the graciousness of your indebtedness and the holy perception it would produce. The term “holy” can be used here because, as you learn how much you are indebted to the whole Sonship, which includes me, you come as close to knowledge as perception can. The gap is then so small that knowledge can easily flow across it and obliterate it forever.

I gave a workshop one weekend. A group of people sat all day and for two hours the next morning and listened while I taught myself. Between teachings, they shared with me and each other their lessons, the ones they learned and the ones they are still trying to accept. I know my debt to these brothers and sisters, and I am so grateful to them.

Sometimes I Forget

It is easy for me to see myself indebted to my brothers when I think of this weekend, but sometimes I forget my debt when the circumstances are less pleasant. When someone seems to be attacking me, when someone’s problem triggers my stuff, when someone seems to be placing demands on me; in these situations, I tend to forget my indebtedness to my brother. Instead, it seems as if my brother is now my enemy.

And yet, there moments of frustration, anger, or fear. Times when the person in my awareness seems to bring up all the ugly stuff I normally keep buried. These very moments are my way home. And these brothers are giving me exactly what I need to take the next step in that direction. When this happens, I have a choice. I can accept the ego interpretation of the situation and defend myself against attack. Or I can accept the Holy Spirit’s interpretation and realize that my dear brothers are presenting me with a chance to heal my mind.

The next time I feel attacked, instead of defending myself from my brothers, I can ask that I be shown another way to see this. As my perception is healed, the brother I only a moment ago felt resentment for now feels like my friend, my helper. Our hands are (metaphorically) clasped as we help each other undo the ego through our forgiveness.

Receiving Help

When this happened, I asked the Holy Spirit for help; the following is our conversation.

Holy Spirit, I felt like I was in rarified company that weekend, and the next day as I prepared to go to work, I felt a bit of dread. It felt like I was arming myself for battle. I was looking at my brothers as enemies to overcome. I saw them as competitors, and even the ones I liked and depended on I saw as potentially disappointing. It seemed I couldn’t tell a friend from an enemy as they switched places depending on how I perceived them at any moment. Please heal my mind.

Holy Spirit: Thank you for asking for my help. This weekend you saw your brothers as your helpers, and you were grateful to them. Now you can see the contrast between how that feels and how it often feels when you see the people in your life as enemies instead of friends.

Recognizing the Error

Me: I do. I am really surprised that I do this so much. I would have thought that it was rare for me to see others as enemies, but with Your help, I can see what is really happening. When I was thinking of going to work, I felt anxious about it. I have a report due and I should have done it before I left; now I will have to go into the office and face my boss. Normally, I think of her as a friend and ally, and now I think of her as someone I must defend against. I now see that I do this a lot. How do you want me to see this, Holy Spirit?

Holy Spirit: This boss of yours is no different than the people this weekend who gave you the opportunity to join for the purpose of awakening. You think it is different because you have given today’s circumstances a different meaning. But you have also chosen to look at what you have done and accept healing. This weekend you talked about healing the mind. Today you practice healing the mind. Every person who is involved in these two moments is your mighty companion. They are equal in their value to you, and you are equally in debt to them for this opportunity.

Feeling Grateful

Me: I see that! Thank you! Thank you for correcting my perception. I feel gratitude and happiness as I realize that everyone I meet today is my helper regardless of what seems to be happening. No wonder I often experience a vague sense of anxiety. I have failed to see my brothers as my helpers and so have not recognized my indebtedness to them. Instead of seeing my boss as someone to defend against, I am going to see her as the one who may offer me an opportunity to forgive. I owe her a debt of gratitude either way.  

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