ACIM III. Perception versus Knowledge P 3, 4. The questioning mind perceives itself in time, and therefore looks for future answers. The closed mind believes the future and the present will be the same.
ACIM III. Perception versus Knowledge P 3, 4
III. Perception versus Knowledge, P 3
3 The questioning mind perceives itself in time, and therefore looks for future answers. The closed mind believes the future and the present will be the same. This establishes a seemingly stable state that is usually an attempt to counteract an underlying fear that the future will be worse than the present. This fear inhibits the tendency to question at all.
As long as I experience myself in time, there is a need to question my thoughts. Questioning my thoughts is the way I begin the process of releasing the idea of time and returning to eternity, which is my true nature. And while I still believe in time, I question my thoughts with the Holy Spirit. In this way, the future becomes more peaceful than the present.
A lack of peace is a good way to gauge the need to question my thoughts. If I am angry, fearful, guilty, sad, jealous, shamed, or any other of the egoic emotions, I know that it is time to question my thoughts. As I question those thoughts and find them to be unlike the thoughts I think with God and therefore untrue, I can ask for healing and receive it. My mind returns to peace as I accept the healing.
Holding Onto the Grievance
I was not always so eager to question my thoughts. I was so certain that I was right that I could not imagine feeling any differently. Recently I was talking to someone who was feeling betrayed, and she said, “I will not forgive this because when you forgive, you just get hurt again.” I absolutely understood her desire to pull her grievance around her and hold it close like a protective shield.
I used to feel the same way. It felt like my anger was the only protection I had against further betrayal. I was afraid to question that stance because maybe forgiveness would make a future even worse than the present. I had to step out on faith and allow hope to overcome fear long enough to see that Jesus was right. In my defenselessness, my safety lies.
Once I experienced the miracle of a healed mind, I was motivated to try again, and after a while, I no longer did this on faith but in full expectation of a happier future. But I still step into that fear occasionally, the fear that says I dare not let go of the thing that hurts because the cure will be worse than the present pain.
Drawn to the Fear
Sometimes it’s a matter of not being able to take my eye off the fear. I may be very afraid something bad is going to happen. For instance, one time, someone I love was suicidal. I knew it wouldn’t help to be afraid for her. I knew that the most help I could give her was to trust and to see past the ego story to the truth of who she is.
Yet, I was drawn to the appearance of tragedy, and it is like I was keeping her alive through my fear. If I took my eyes off of the fear, all would be lost. Even knowing that is completely wrong did not stop the feeling. At one point, I realized how crazy I had gotten. I momentarily forgot to look at the fear and was having a good time with someone else. When I realized what had happened, I felt intensely guilty. The ego’s idea of love is suffering, so if someone I love is in trouble and I don’t suffer along with her, then it must mean I don’t really love her.
Even though feelings like this are unfounded and actually the opposite of the truth, they can have a very strong hold on the mind. When this happened, it could take a while for me to let go of them. Once I knew what needed to be done, it was especially frustrating when I didn’t just do it. Well, at least my mind never completely closed the door to healing. There was always a crack, and the light drew me to that opening, even if it did feel like I was wading through molasses to get to it. Because of my vigilance and practice, I no longer struggle to accept the Atonement.
4 III. Perception versus Knowledge, P 4
4 True vision is the natural perception of spiritual sight, but it is still a correction rather than a fact. Spiritual sight is symbolic, and therefore not a device for knowing. It is, however, a means of right perception, which brings it into the proper domain of the miracle. A “vision of God” would be a miracle rather than a revelation. The fact that perception is involved at all removes the experience from the realm of knowledge. That is why visions, however holy, do not last.
This paragraph explains why it is that I can have the most remarkable spiritual experiences, so vivid and real that I cannot doubt them and so extraordinary that I cannot imagine losing them, and yet I do. They begin to fade, and I cannot recover the feeling. Sometimes I have to go back and read what I wrote about them even to remember they happened.
I am happy for them anyway because I am encouraged that something is happening. They are like little gifts that foreshadow the real thing. It is like I am being reassured that I am on the right path. Some of these experiences have been… I don’t even have words to describe them… amazing certainly doesn’t cover it, so out of my experience of the world as I know it, but more than that.
Laughing at Myself
I have felt Love, or as much of it as I can stand, and while I can’t bring that feeling back up, I will never forget it happened. So now I know that Love is real, and it is not what I have been feeling here in the illusion. And Jesus is telling me that this experience, as powerful as it was, was not the real thing. It is still in the realm of perception, and there is something more.
As we are learning the difference between perception and knowledge, I have to laugh at all the times I think I know something. Sometimes I was so certain that I knew something that I was willing to argue the point. Even when I did not open my mouth, my mind was busy building defenses against the other person’s point of view. I was deluded.
Perception is shifting and changing and uncertain. Perception would need defense, but then why defend something that is shifting, changing, and uncertain? What would be the point? Instead of thinking that the other person is wrong, I am learning to ask the Holy Spirit to show me the truth in their words. Instead of defending what I think I know, I am learning to ask for ever more clarity and truer perceptions.
In so doing, I am no longer interested in bending others to my way of thinking. In fact, I find this funny even to think about. On those rare moments when I forget and think I know something or that someone else needs to see things my way, I forgive it and then have a good laugh at myself.
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