ACIM VI. Fear and Conflict, P 5. Fear is always a sign of strain, arising whenever what you want conflicts with what you do.
ACIM VI. Fear and Conflict, P 5
VI. Fear and Conflict, P 5
5 Fear is always a sign of strain, arising whenever what you want conflicts with what you do. This situation arises in two ways: First, you can choose to do conflicting things, either simultaneously or successively. This produces conflicted behavior, which is intolerable to you because the part of the mind that wants to do something else is outraged. Second, you can behave as you think you should, but without entirely wanting to do so. This produces consistent behavior, but entails great strain. In both cases, the mind and the behavior are out of accord, resulting in a situation in which you are doing what you do not wholly want to do. This arouses a sense of coercion that usually produces rage, and projection is likely to follow. Whenever there is fear, it is because you have not made up your mind. Your mind is therefore split, and your behavior inevitably becomes erratic. Correcting at the behavioral level can shift the error from the first to the second type, but will not obliterate the fear.
Conflicting Thoughts
This explanation of fear arising from a split mind is very helpful. I can easily see how this happens in my life. The sentence that sums it up for me is this.
Whenever there is fear, it is because you have not made up your mind.
Jesus says this can occur when I decide to do two opposing things, either simultaneously or one after the other. Here is an example of how I have done this. A long time ago, I decided that insomnia is a maddening condition resulting in suffering; therefore, it should be avoided at whatever costs. Recently, through guidance from Holy Spirit, I decided to use insomnia as a classroom for teaching myself that the body is not creative, so insomnia is in my mind, not my body.
Both thoughts were in my mind. There was the thought that I should always arrange my schedule to be in bed by a certain time, and if that didn’t work, I should always have Ambien on hand to ensure a good night’s sleep. There was also the thought that the body is not creative, so insomnia is a projection of a separation belief, and so the solution is to allow that belief to be healed in my mind.
Sometimes One Choice, Sometimes Another
These two decisions led to two different behaviors. Sometimes I would choose to believe that the body or the environment was the cause of my problem getting to sleep or staying asleep. When this happened, I would want to take a pill. Other times I would choose to believe that this was a great time to practice the truth, that insomnia is a projection from the mind and pills are magical solutions, not real solutions. Then I would not take the pill or delay taking it as I gave my willingness to allow the mind to be healed of the belief that the body is creative.
Because I held both decisions in my mind simultaneously, my behavior reflected this conflict; sometimes, I would act on one decision and sometimes on the other. No matter which I chose, one part of my mind was unhappy with that decision. I felt conflicted, which triggered fear because no matter what I did, I did not altogether want to do it. Jesus says that the part of the mind that wants to do something else is outraged.
I didn’t feel the rage because I was putting a lid on it and calling it frustration. But frustration is anger pretending to be something more socially acceptable, so I have to cop to anger. And since anger is just rage with a veil pulled over it, I may as well say it. I was enraged. And since all emotion is either fear or love, and this was not love, the rage was an expression of fear.
This Was Uncomfortable
When trying to believe both ideas simultaneously, I was torn between the two, acting on first one, and then the other. The conflicted behavior was intolerable and caused outrage in whichever part of the mind didn’t get its way. And when I chose not to take the Ambien and to work with the mistaken thought, this was a strain because I didn’t entirely want to do it. Because I didn’t wholly want this practice, I felt coerced, which was also intolerable. Either way, I was in fear because I had not made up my mind.
It was an uncomfortable period of time as I continued the practice in spite of the fear. That in-between place, where I know the Holy Spirit is right and at the same time, I also believe I am right, is always uncomfortable. Persistence in the face of resistance has always helped me stick with it until I push through to the other side.
This did not mean that I forced my behavior, which would have produced more consistency in my behavior but would cause great strain. This would not have reduced the fear. Instead, I consistently noticed the thoughts and asked for correction regardless of my decision. As my practice proved that the body is not creative, I naturally began to drop my desire to act as if I was the victim of outside forces. This brought lightness and joy to my practice because I was much less conflicted.
Another Conflict
I used to have this kind of conflict when it came to forgiving a grievance. When I was still working, a woman came to work for us. She and I had to work together, and I found her difficult to work with. My ego personality clashed with her ego personality to a greater degree than I had experienced in many years.
By this time, I had decided that my peace of mind was more important than anything else. I had learned to watch my thoughts and feelings and to forgive where needed for peace of mind. So, I was dismayed to realize that I always reacted to her. This was not how I saw myself, nor was it in alignment with my chosen goal.
My first effort was to change this appalling behavior on my part. But that made it worse because I also didn’t want to change my behavior or my mind. Projection quickly followed. I decided that she was guilty and needed to change. I felt this way despite the fact I knew it was projection. It didn’t make sense and would not work. My mind was conflicted, and conflict causes fear. And I was certainly in fear. It had been a very long time since I felt so stymied in forgiveness, and I didn’t know what to do when I met the enemy, and it was me.
Persistence
Fortunately, I learned that persistence is my friend. I knew I needed to return to the drawing board and start over. Forgiveness of myself for my judgments and my obstinance was the way forward. I forgave the situation and her for her stubborn insistence on being who she wanted to be. Yes, that was sarcasm. It did help me to lighten up as I mocked my own foolish outlook.
The next step was to stop looking at her as the problem and look within my own mind instead. I am never upset by someone else. Only my thoughts about them can do that. I made progress with this before I retired, but I didn’t come to love her, so it is incomplete. I do truly want to view her through Christ vision. Even now, years later, when I think of her, I forgive us both.
After all, nothing really happened as this is only an illusion, so there is nothing to forgive. And that is the definition of forgiveness. I trust that I did the best I could with that relationship. If it is incomplete, I will have another chance, if not with her, then with another person. But really, Myron may never like her personality. I have decided that I want all relationships healed, including this one. Behavior within the story is not the point. The healing of the mind is all that matters. That I keep turning toward God is what matters.
To read my Pathways of Light article, The Goal Is Union, CLICK HERE.