ACIM Chapter 13. XI. The Peace of Heaven, 1, 2
Photo by John Gardiner of Whangarei, New Zealand
XI. The Peace of Heaven, P 1
1 Forgetfulness and sleep and even death become the ego’s best advice for dealing with the perceived and harsh intrusion of guilt on peace. Yet no one sees himself in conflict and ravaged by a cruel war unless he believes that both opponents in the war are real. Believing this he must escape, for such a war would surely end his peace of mind, and so destroy him. Yet if he could but realize the war is between real and unreal powers, he could look upon himself and see his freedom. No one finds himself ravaged and torn in endless battles if he himself perceives them as wholly without meaning.
Two things came to mind as I read this paragraph.
First, I thought how very accurate that first sentence was. Forgetfulness and sleep and even death become the ego’s best advice for dealing with the perceived and harsh intrusion of guilt on peace. I was especially drawn to the idea that the ego mind will offer death as a solution when the mind becomes overwhelmed with fear and guilt.
At first, it offers sickness, injury, that sort of thing because it is subtle, perhaps not to push us so far that we seriously consider a real solution. I used to be in constant conflict, always on the defensive. What I started to notice is that if I held a grievance for too long or became emotionally overwrought, I would get sick. I only slowly realized this, but once I did, I became open to solutions that didn’t hurt so much.
Now that I am very aware of what happens when I lose my peace, and now that I am closer to ending conflict in my life, the ego has become more open in its attacks. I don’t get extremely upset very often anymore, but when it does happen, what I began to hear from the ego was that it was hopeless and I may as well just die because it was my only way out. It was so blatant an attack that it woke me up to what the ego was doing, and I felt, at first, appalled and then pleased. I was pleased because that level of viciousness speaks to the ego’s desperation to keep me identified with it.
The second thing that stood out to me is the solution.
Recognizing that this is a battle between real and unreal powers. As I have shifted in my understanding and as I have practiced what Jesus is teaching us, I am more willing to accept that Myron and her whole world of endless battles is unreal. At first, it seemed like a battle for my soul, and the ego was winning. Then, it seemed like I was fighting back and that I was winning. Now I see that the battle if it ever existed at all, was won long ago. Now I am just watching it over and over until I finally tire of it and surrender into Love.
The ego never had any power. It seemed to have power, and I seemed to be fighting it only because I had given it power in my mind. Really, it was just a concept, an idea, or curiosity that was projected outward and experienced. Once seen, it was rejected, and all returned to what it had been and always would be. The part of the mind we call the ego does not in any way control us. It is simply a choice we make from moment to moment. It is completely powerless, and we are completely free.
When we choose ego, we are doing it deliberately. When we choose to turn from ego to the Holy Spirit, we choose to do that very deliberately. The ego has no power to stop us from what we want. We merely pretend to battle the ego to avoid responsibility for the situation. I frequently remind myself that this pretend battle is not happening. We are watching. In watching, we decide when we are through with the idea of separation and don’t want to watch anymore.
XI. The Peace of Heaven, P 2
2 God would not have His Son embattled, and so His Son’s imagined “enemy” is totally unreal. You are but trying to escape a bitter war from which you have escaped. The war is gone. For you have heard the hymn of freedom rising unto Heaven. Gladness and joy belong to God for your release, because you made it not. Yet as you made not freedom, so you made not a war that could endanger freedom. Nothing destructive ever was or will be. The war, the guilt, the past are gone as one into the unreality from which they came.
Again, I am looking at the idea that the ego and every effect of separation are gone, do not exist, and cannot endanger my freedom. And again, I remember that Jesus said that I but do this to myself. I deliberately choose, moment to moment, to believe I am separate from God, or I am choosing to let that idea go and realize I am in God and have never been anywhere else. All along, from the moment of conception to the moment of rejection of the idea of separation, nothing has happened. It would never be the Will of God that I be embattled; therefore, it could never occur.
Here is something from a past journal.
A couple of days ago, I wrote about accepting healing for this painful toothache. I felt strongly that I was supposed to work with this. I still have the problem. The tooth is rotting away from the inside, and the dentist said it cannot be saved and must be removed. He gave me these wonderful pain pills and some antibiotics, and I appreciate the magical solution to the magical problem since I seem not to be ready to accept the unreality of the situation. There is nothing like pain to reinforce the idea of the body as very real.
But it is not as real as it used to be, even in pain. The pills I take for the pain interfere with my thinking. Yesterday, I chose to have the pain subside while I did my writing and posting. I talked to Jesus about it and explained that I needed a clear head for this work. I also needed to drive to my daughter’s house, and I can’t drive while taking the pills, and I certainly can’t help her with the baby while I am fuzzy-headed. So, yesterday, there was no pain until later that day when I got home.
It reminds me of something similar that happened to me.
A few years ago, I planned to attend a workshop with Regina Dawn Akers that would last several days. I began having really bad pain in my lower stomach area, and I thought it might be related to my bladder. It only happened when I was sitting, but I could barely stand it when it came on. There wasn’t time to go to the doctor, and the idea of flying for hours and then sitting for the workshop for days was not good.
On the other hand, I knew I was supposed to be at that workshop. So, I talked to Jesus about it. I asked for relief from the pain so that I could go to the workshop and be able to appreciate it, which would not have been possible if I had been in this much pain while there. The pain completely disappeared. I didn’t have pain sitting on the plane or at any time during the workshop. The flight back was pain-free. The pain came back when the plane touched down at my home airport. So, the next day, I went to the doctor and got medicine for bladder spasms.
I have had a number of other similar experiences.
So here is the thing: pain is not real. If it were real, it would have been out of my control, and clearly, it is not out of my control. When I needed it to be gone, it was gone. I called on Jesus to help me, which is symbolic of calling on Love to help me. It is living from my reality, my true self. This begs the question, “Why don’t I always do this? Why don’t I allow full healing?” And honestly, I don’t know.
I do know I was called on to work with this. I am familiar with the feeling and the Voice, and I certainly recognize it when I hear it. It wasn’t a waste of time because it did not seem to work. I assume it is the practice I need to get to a place where I am ready to accept that “Nothing destructive ever was a or will be.” So, I am continuing my practice as I have done in the past. I continue to ask that my mind be healed of believing in destructive influences. I am grateful for the witnesses to the truth that has been given to me. So, I surrender once again and again until I want nothing except the truth.
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